Quote: Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe. [Denis Leary]
Quote: There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. [Denis Leary]
Quote: You're 16 years old, you don't know shit about shit. and PULL UP YOU'RE PANTS!!! [Denis Leary]
Quote: Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them. [Denis Leary]
Quote: Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay? [Denis Leary]
Quote: Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing. [Denis Leary]
Quote: Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct. [Denis Leary]
Quote: The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nuture. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I've eaten things that didn't complain this much. [Denis Leary]
Quote: Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspiren? I think I've got a cold. [Denis Leary]
Quote: My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I just think it's difficult for them to see the forest for the trees right now, which I can't blame them for, given the circumstances they found themselves in. [Denis Leary]
Quote: It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever. [Denis Leary]
Quote: It's always great to get word that you've been picked up for another season, ... We're really hitting our stride and have great story lines already mapped out for next year. [Denis Leary]
Quote: Left of the Dial. [Denis Leary]
Quote: Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, OK Jerry? [Denis Leary]
Quote: I'm the enemy because I like to think. I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy that could sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs or the side order of gravy fries? I want high cholesterol. I would eat bacon and butter and buckets of cheese. Okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigars the size of Cincinnati in the nonsmoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-O all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I might suddenly feel the need to. Okay, pal? [Denis Leary]
Quote: We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me! [Denis Leary]
Quote: I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green, Merry f**kin' Christmas! [Denis Leary]
Quote: Crazy? ... Maybe. But that's a good kind of crazy. It's a guy who knows what he wants. [Denis Leary]
Quote: I literally go out with a set of bullet points. [Denis Leary]