Quote: Shrek: [fighting over a log] Stubborn *jackass*!
The Donkey: Smelly *ogre*! [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm fine.
The Donkey: You can't die on me, Shrek! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich? [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: You know what, Shrek? I think this whole wall thing is to keep somebody out.
Shrek: No! You think?
Donkey: Are you hiding something?
Shrek: Let it go, Donkey.
Donkey: Oh, this is one of those onion things, isn't it?
Shrek: No, it's one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things.
Donkey: Why won't you talk about it?
Shrek: Why do you want to talk about it?
Donkey: Then why are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking.
Donkey: Oh, yes you are.
Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.
Donkey: Just who are you trying to keep away? Just tell me that, Shrek?
Shrek: Everyone! All right?
Donkey: Oh, now we're getting somewhere. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Merry Men: [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo!
Monsieur Hood: I steal from the rich and give to the needy...
Merry Man: He takes a wee percentage...
Monsieur Hood: But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good!
Merry Men: What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood!
Monsieur Hood: Break it down...
[tap-dancing]
Monsieur Hood: I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...
Merry Men: What he's basically saying is he likes to get...
Monsieur Hood: Paid!
Monsieur Hood: So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad.
Merry Man: [joining in] That's bad, that's bad, that's bad!
Monsieur Hood: When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!
Merry Men: He's mad, he's really, really mad!
Monsieur Hood: Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start ...
[Fiona swoops in and kicks him - the music stops]
Princess Fiona: Man, that was annoying! [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.
Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess! [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: The Donkey: [waking up] What'd I miss?
[suddenly notices the guards walking by]
The Donkey: [Trying to throw his voice] Who said that? Couldn't have been the donkey. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: The Donkey: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark.
Princess Fiona: Why... yes!
The Donkey: Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: [Blind Mouse is on Shrek's shoulder, sniffing]
Blind Mouse: I found some cheese.
[Blind Mouse bites Shrek in the ear]
Shrek: Ow!
Blind Mouse: Ugh! Awful stuff. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Shrek: Hey, I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: Well so much for noble steed. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Shrek: Little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?
Donkey: Really tall?
Shrek: No. I'm an ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchfork. Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Nope.
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, Really. Man I like you. What's your name?
Shrek: Er, Shrek. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Gingerbread Man: NOT MY BUTTONS. Not my gum-drop buttons. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: [Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to storm his swamp]
Villager 1: Do you know what that thing could do?
Villager 2: It'll grind your bones for its bread.
Shrek: Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now ogres, oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes... Actually, it's quite good on toast. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: Parfait's gotta be the tastiest thing on the whole damn planet. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why are you still here?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away
Donkey: There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: Where there is a will there is a way, and I have a way. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Shrek: Does anyone know where this Farquaad guy is?
[Donkey jumps up and down, shouting out like a young child]
Donkey: Oh, I know. I know where he is.
Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him?
Donkey: Pick me! Pick me! Me! Me! [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Princess Fiona: Wait. Where are you going?
Shrek: Well, I have to save my ass. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Shrek: Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss.
[tears out a page and laughs]
Shrek: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of... [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Gingerbread Man: God bless us, everyone. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
[Stands up and looks at herself, then at Shrek]
Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful. [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]
Quote: Donkey: Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? [Cartoons; Shrek [2001] Cartoons; Shrek [2001]]