Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[on being told a Rembrandt might fetch £10,000 at auction] In that case my final offer is thirty.



Mr. Dougdale:
[stunned] Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon.

More Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[voiceover, as a £10 note appears onscreen] Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily I have enough for ALL of us.

More Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt.



Youngman Grand, Esq.:
St. Rembrandt's High.

More Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

Youngman Grand, Esq.:
Dad, do you think words corrupt?



Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
I don't know, let's try. Agnes?



Dame Agnes Grand:
[looks up from the television] Yes?



Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
Nipple.



Dame Agnes Grand:
Shh!


[turns back to the television]



Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
[watches her a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change.

More Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

Sir John:
[Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race] It would never have happened in my day!



Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE:
Nor mine!



Youngman Grand, Esq.:
Well, it's happenin' in mine!

More Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] Movie: The Magic Christian [1969] quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]