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Information on the Internet is subject to the same rules and regulations as conversation at a bar.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
I'm not computer literate. I e-mail. I know how to get on the Web, but I haven't crossed over into the internet world. I'm old-fashioned, I guess.More [11/08/2005 12:11:00]
There's so many celebrities now on the Internet and I feel that I was such a pioneer. Now everybody, your dog can have a website.More [12/18/2005 12:12:00]
Not as much as I used to, but I use the Internet for everything. I use it for information. Like if I'm planning a trip or something, I'll check out the place I'm going to.More [03/23/2006 12:03:00]
The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.More [04/07/2006 12:04:00]
There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.More [05/02/2006 12:05:00]
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great.More [05/02/2006 12:05:00]
“I've just found out there are pages on the internet dedicated to whether I'm gay or not.”More [06/28/2006 12:06:00]
I know that the internet has helped a new world audience find me.More [11/14/2006 12:11:00]
Your basic person wants to talk about material culture, internet culture. I think about God, cats, nature.More [03/27/2007 12:03:00]
George Pappas: For me the Internet is just yet another way of being rejected by women.More [04/08/2007 12:04:00]
Joe Fox: [about Kathleen's internet friend] Maybe he's fat. Yep he's fat. He's a fatty.
Kathleen Kelly: I don't care.
Joe Fox: You don't care? You don't care that he has to be lifted from his house by a crane?
Kathleen Kelly: I think that is highly unlikely.More [04/08/2007 12:04:00]
The internet has been incredible in regards to the selling of my CD. I don't know how it's affected or will affect my acting career.More [04/15/2007 12:04:00]
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: Oh, I know, please help!
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: I know...
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: Why do you keep saying that?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love when I say, "I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!"
Susan: Why are you yelling?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shut up, bitch! I'm always yelling! I'm Samuel Goddamn Jackson!
Susan: [Shocked] Bitch?
["Samuel Jackson" grabs Susan and throws her from the plane]More [04/28/2007 12:04:00]
Randal Graves: What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'd never have yourself?More [07/24/2007 12:07:00]
China is a key market for any Internet company. We think (the deal) will allow us to grow from a strong position to a dominant one.More [08/16/2007 12:08:00]
Now we’re seeing services and applications. This has been one of the promises the Internet has offered for a long time — the consumer can really be the programmer.More [08/16/2007 12:08:00]
We have always had a long-term commitment to China and even more so to the development of its Internet industry, We’re confident that Yahoo! is putting its resources behind the right management team, which operates according to similar values as we do, and shares the same vision for providing the most essential and relevant services to consumers and businesses.More [08/16/2007 12:08:00]
In the last few years I've become more reliant on the Internet for research. I'm addicted to Google.More [09/06/2007 12:09:00]
There's a lot of hearsay and worse out on the Internet and, though I write fiction, I like to think that my background information is solid.More [09/06/2007 12:09:00]
“This is an enormously exciting opportunity to grow content businesses that combine the unique capabilities of the internet with the art and science of traditional programming.”More [10/01/2007 12:10:00]
We judge on the basis of what somebody looks like, skin color, whether we think they’re beautiful or not. That space on the Internet allows you to converse with somebody with none of those things involved.More [11/21/2007 12:11:00]
[Showing frightening paintings of the damned in Hell]
Narrator: What is salvation? Well, it's the opposite of damnation. I learned that Hell is a real place where you really do go if you have not been forgiven by Jesus Christ. When the school says that each student will be encouraged to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, this is what encouragement means: Be forgiven - or be damned. But Jesus was a great guy! He'd forgive you for anything. Lying, murder, Internet pornography, anything. He'd even forgive you for speaking against Jesus himself. But apparently just to make things interesting, Jesus did add one extra rule to the mix. There actually is one unforgivable sin: denial of the Holy Spirit. If you do that, you are eternally damned. It says so right there in the Bible, twice. It's a doubly infallible rule. Deny the Holy Spirit and you can never, ever, go anywhere but Hell. And as luck would have it, the Holy Spirit is the easiest thing in the entire Doctrine to doubt. God is out of your reach, Jesus was two thousand years ago, but the Holy Spirit is with you, right here, right now, so you'd better really actually feel the Holy Spirit. You can't deny it in your thoughts, because Jesus is *in* your thoughts. And if your mind starts to wander to the fact that there's no more evidence for this Holy Spirit than there is for the existence of unicorns? Guess what you may have done. The greatest crime in fundamentalist Christianity is to think. And when I was a Village Christian, I was terrified that I'd accidentally done this.More [12/26/2007 12:12:00]
The justices have constitutionally protected obscenity in libraries, filth over cable television, and now unlimited internet pornography.More [03/23/2008 12:03:00]
Mr. Hooten: Hey, I don't want to hear it again or there will be no internet tonight.More [04/07/2008 12:04:00]
Lawrence Robertson: I suppose your father lost his job to a robot. I don't know, maybe you would have simply banned the Internet to keep the libraries open.More [04/07/2008 12:04:00]
Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay: What buzz?
Holden: The Internet buzz.
Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?
Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN!
Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Jay: Yeah.More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
[typing a message on an internet chat room]
Jay: All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
[regarding the Bluntman and Chronic movie]
Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans."
Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
[last lines]
Jay: [clears throat] And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little
[emphatically to Silent Bob]
Jay: fuckholes!"
[both laugh]More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
Holden: Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
Jay: You know, maybe one night me and Lunch Box are out we're mackin' some chick and shit, and she's, like, "Ooh, I want to suck youse guys' dicks off," and she's, like, "What your names?" And I'm, like, "Jay and Silent Bob." Reco'nize. And she's like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that fuckin' youse guys are a couple of little fuckin' jerkoffs." And then she goes and sucks two other guys' dicks off instead. Well, FUCK that.More [05/01/2008 12:05:00]
Then there's going to be another project I am involved with, in fact, I'm going back to film it next week. It's a game for the Internet called Advance Warriors, and my character is Max, who is blind, but he has special powers. It will be a new game played on the Internet.More [06/23/2008 12:06:00]
[Les and Frank, the Internet pornographers, have approached and solicited Tanya in the cafe]
Les: Yeah? Gorgeous cheekbones... yeah, gorgeous cheekbones, they're fantastic. So, anyhow, what I was going to do, I don't want to take up too much of your time. But, there's my card.
Tanya: Yes.
Les: Ok? And, uhh, you know, if you're interested, give me call. But, if there's anything else I can do, let me... I am Mr. Stonehaven. Everybody knows me around here, so, if you need me, call me. There's my card. All right? Hope to see you soon. Bye.
Frank: Bye.
Les: See ya, mate. Let's go, Frank.
[Les and Frank leave]
Artyom: Ty khot' ponyala, chto oni sutenery i chego oni khotyat? (You do realize they're pimps, and what they want?)More [07/09/2008 12:07:00]
[Needing money, Tanya has gone to see Les and Frank, the Internet pornographers]
Les: Ok, Tanya. Just give me a little twirl, just turn around. Yeah, and just un... unzip, and give me a flash. Mmmm... See, I see her as like a school girl, or... or maybe a nurse. She's sort of got that caring quality about her.
Frank: Bit skinny up top, Les.
Les: Or a nun.
Frank: A nun? Yeah, a nun would be good.
Tanya: But, what do I do?More [07/09/2008 12:07:00]
Comic Book Guy:
Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Artie Ziff, why are you living in our attic?

Artie Ziff:
Let me explain. I used to run an internet company.

Say no more.

Artie Ziff:
I would stop, but I love the sound of my own voice.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]

Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?

Monica, Chandler:

We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.

[Monica and Chandler look impressed]

It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.


Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.

How bout receiving?


More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jon Stewart:
Al Gore, two term vice president who couldn't beat a one term Texas governor is launching Current, a new cable news channel being aimed at male, internet savvy viewers between the ages of 18 - 34. A very underrepresented niche market, which currently only has MTV, MTV2, Vh1, Fuse, G4Tech, Spike, Sci-Fi, all the ESPNs, Style, and everything else on television! Except of course for Pax and the new channel Hallmark Oldsters. One of the unique things about Current is Googlewatch, a half-hour show that features what people are searching for on the popular search engine. Just when you thought that television should feature more of Terri Hatcher + nude / buttshot.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Judge Judy:
What do I know about Myspace? It's an Internet site where people, who have nothing better to do with their time, go and chat about a whole bunch of nonsense. We could eliminate a third of the problems in this country, if people actually had to shovel coal into a furnace for heat... rather than spending all that time they have making problems for other people, by sitting at their personal computers doing things other than those which PCs were actually designed for.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Elwood Blues:
Stay away from drugs, gangs, and cyberporn on the Internet and you can be President of the United States some day.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Joe Fox:
[about Kathleen's internet friend] He could be anyone! It could be that guy right there! And those flowers could be for you!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Joe Fox:
[about Kathleen's internet friend] Maybe he's fat. Yep he's fat. He's a fatty.

Kathleen Kelly:
I don't care.

Joe Fox:
You don't care? You don't care that he has to be lifted from his house by a crane?

Kathleen Kelly:
I think that is very unlikely.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Everyone on Earth except Fry is moronically stupid]

What are we going to do?

Professor Hubert Farnsworth:
Duh, I know, let's play the lottery.

Amy Wong:
No, let's buy internet stock.

Dr. Zoidberg:
On margin. Zoidbee wants to buy on margin.

Hermes Conrad:
[holding a board in front of his face] Look at me. I'm invisible.

Wait a minute, I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots.

Hey, let's go join the Reform party.


More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[the gang is logged onto the internet in virtual reality]

Behold... the Internet.

My God! It's full of ads!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth:
Shut up friends. My internet browser heard us saying the word Fry and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday and ordered me some french fries.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Handsome Internet Expert:
Hey, so after this is done, do you wanna go get a drink or something?

Elizabeth 'Libby' Parsons:
Yeah, sure. I just have to check in with my parole officer.

Handsome Internet Expert:
You were in jail?

Elizabeth 'Libby' Parsons:
No, prison. There is a difference.

Handsome Internet Expert:
Why? Too many parking tickets?

Elizabeth 'Libby' Parsons:
No, I was convicted of murdering my husband.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Danny Hunter:
[explaining his presence in an office] I haven't got the internet at home. Some nights I let myself in to use it.

Catherine Townsend:
Searching for porn?

Danny Hunter:
Do I look like the kind of guy who would collude in the objectification of women's bodies?

Catherine Townsend:
In the sense that you look like a guy: Yes.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Drew Carey:
Naked Photos you wouldn't want to see on the internet

Wayne Brady:
Hi, I'm Bea Arthur!

Ryan Stiles:
C-A-R-E-Y. Hmmm.

[Pretends to smash his computer]

Drew Carey:
Careful what you wish for Buddy...

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Seth Davis:
I read this article a while back, that said that Microsoft employs more millionaire secretary's that any other company in the world. They took stock options over Christmas bonuses. It was a good move. I remember there was this picture, of one of the groundskeepers next to his Ferrari. Blew my mind. you see shit like that, and it just plants seeds, makes you think its possible, even easy. And then you turn on the TV, and there's just more of it. The $87 Million lottery winner, that kid actor that just made 20 million o his last movie, that internet stock that shot through the roof, you could have made millions if you had just gotten in early, and that's exactly what I wanted to do: get in. I didn't want to be an innovator any more, i just wanted to make the quick and easy buck, i just wanted in. The Notorious BIG said it best: "Either you're slingin' crack-rock, or you've got a wicked jump-shot." Nobody wants to work for it anymore. There's no honor in taking that after school job at Mickey Dee's, honor's in the dollar, kid. So I went the white boy way of slinging crack-rock: I became a stock broker.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Reese Durkee:
Not even the Internet can save us now!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
I just had an internet blind date with two twelve-year-old girls. And they dumped me.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jim Morgan:
She must be going for the first Internet Emmy.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Forget about privacy laws. You know what privacy laws do?

Leasing Office Temp:

They protect millionaires. You know who those millionaires are?

Leasing Office Temp:

Tell him who they are. Tell him.

Kids your age. Pimple-faced college drop outs who have made unhealthy sums of money forming internet companies that create no concrete products, provide no viable services, and still manage to generate profits for all of its lazy day-trading son-of-a bitch shareholders. Meanwhile, as a tortured member of the disenfranchised proletariat, you find some altruistic need to protect these digital plantation-owners?

[reacting to Dean's speech] Wow!

[to Temp]

Come on.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Dorothy Wheeler:
Excuse me, who are you?

That's none of your business.

Campbell Morris:
Don't worry, she's nobody.

Yeah, I'm nobody. I'm just the idiot who's still waiting for a return on my Internet investment.

[to Campbell Morris]

What did you call it?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
I'd be lying if I said my life had turned out exactly as I'd expected. My old school recently had a reunion, which I didn't go to, but one girl in my class it turns out, right, she is now running her own Internet auction website, making a fortune, and is happily married to a marine biologist. She used to eat chalk.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Tess Silverman McLeod:
With the internet the whole worlds just one big village.

Meg Fountain:
And your the village matchmaker.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
I spent four hours on the internet and I couldn't find one single case of a 16-year-old girl's heart just stopping. I spoke to three different doctors and not one of them could tell me exactly what happened to my daughter.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

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