cards

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cards

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Just because Fate doesnt deal you the right cards, it doesnt mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
A Judge may be a farmer; but he is not to geld his own pigs. A Judge may play a little at cards for his own amusement; but he is not to play at marbles, or chuck farthing in the Piazza.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
In order to win you must be prepared to lose something. And leave one or two cards showing.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
I use many props. The props act as cue cards reminding me of what to say next.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
There are no accidents, only nature throwing her weight around. Even the bomb merely releases energy that nature has put there. Nuclear war would be just a spark in the grandeur of space. Nor can radiation alter nature: she will absorb it all. After the bomb, nature will pick up the cards we have spilled, shuffle them, and begin her game again.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not bet this man, for as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an earful of cider.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
A great social success is a pretty girl who plays her cards as carefully as if she were plain.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Rusty: Shane, you've got three pairs. You can't have six cards! You can't have six cards in a five-card game!More [07/07/2005 12:07:00]
Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Hit for four] :21. Very good, sir.
[to Austin]
Casino Dealer: :5.
Austin Powers: I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: 20 beat your 5 sir. I'm sorry, sir.
Austin Powers: Well I must admit, cards aren't my bag, baby.More [08/06/2005 12:08:00]
Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry Man - I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes - I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes - my left one is James Westphal and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right and you just might get to meet the whole gang.More [08/28/2005 12:08:00]
Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.More [08/28/2005 12:08:00]
[Many years ago, Sylvia and Louisa cut cards to decide which of them would marry Sir William. Louisa lost]
Constance: Anyone care for a game of bridge after dinner? Louisa, how about you?
Louisa Stockbridge: Oh, I don't think so. I've rather gone off cards. I've never been very lucky with them.
Sir William McCordle: Me too.More [04/22/2007 12:04:00]
Constance, Countess of Trentham: So what's the gossip in the servantís quarters?
Mary Maceachran: Um, nothing my lady.
Constance, Countess of Trentham: Nonsense. Come on, out with it.
Mary Maceachran: Well, is it true that Sir William could have married Lady Stockbridge if he'd wanted to?
Constance, Countess of Trentham: Is that what they're saying?
Mary Maceachran: Only that Lord Carton was after Sir William for one of them but he didn't care which.
Constance, Countess of Trentham: What would you say if I told you, they cut cards for him.More [04/22/2007 12:04:00]
[Lilian Kantrowitz is giving Selma Levitsky a tarot reading]
Selma Levitsky: So?
Lilian Kantrowitz: No.
Selma Levitsky: "No"? That's what I pay you for? "No"?
Lilian Kantrowitz: The cards don't lie.
Selma Levitsky: Maybe they're subject to interpretation.
[Lilian picks up a card showing a man lying dead with 10 swords sticking out of his back]
Lilian Kantrowitz: Does this look like a "vacation" card?More [05/15/2007 12:05:00]
Neal Oliver: [In the scene Ray is showing Neal cards in qiuck succession and he has to say what suit they are] So did I pass?
Ray: No! *shows him the cards* But few people do.
Neal Oliver: Black hearts? Red spades? Come on, that's like cheating.
Ray: Ah, experience has conditioned you into thinking that all hearts are red and all spades are black because their shapes are similar. It's easier for your mind to interpret them based on that past experience instead of being open to the idea they could be different. We see what we expect to see, not necessarily what's really there. Children who have never played cards always pass this test. Makes you wonder how many other things are right in front of you - sights, sounds, smells that you can't experience because you've been conditioned not to. The good news is, if we do the test again, you'll pass. Once you're aware that there can be black hearts and red spades you'll be able to perceive them. Our brain's wiring is like the interstate highway system. It's easier to go from one well-traveled place to another. But the places in between, off the highway, even though they're there, most people zip right past them.
Neal Oliver: Well, that's a cool trick, but there aren't any card games with red spades and black hearts.
Ray: Well, how would you know?More [06/24/2007 12:06:00]
Zane Cooper: Well, Bret, you know what we ended up with? A half a million dollar silk shirt.
Maverick: Nope, we ended up with a quarter million dollar silk shirt, because my old pappy always used to say "Don't put the chicken in front of"... no, wait "Never cut the cards before"... no, wait, "Don't put all you eggs in one basket".
Zane Cooper: Now that, I said.More [06/29/2007 12:06:00]
You have to play the cards you are dealt and if it has made it harder, it doesnít matter, you still have to get the deal done.More [07/22/2007 12:07:00]
Kitty Farmer: I'll tell you what he said, he told me to forcibly insert the lifeline excercise cards into my anus !More [09/20/2007 12:09:00]
Frank: The only Valentine's Day cards I get are from my mother. How pathetic is that?More [10/16/2007 12:10:00]
Psammead: You don't get many cards these days. You know how it is after your 6,523rd birthday.
Anthea: You don't look that old.
Psammead: I drink a lot of moisturizer.
Jane: And you can't have a birthday without a present. Here.
Psammead: Brown paper, my favorite!
Jane: No, you have to unwrap it.
Psammead: Oh, yes, I knew that.More [11/11/2007 12:11:00]
Male Student: [after the beautiful female student has guessed 5 out of 5 cards right while he has "none"; actually he has one] What are you trying to prove here, anyway?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm studying the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP ability
Male Student: The effect? I'll tell you what the effect is, it's pissing me off!More [12/14/2007 12:12:00]
Williamson: [handing Roma lead cards] I'm giving you three leads...
Ricky Roma: Three? No, I count two.
Williamson: There's three leads there.
Ricky Roma: "Patel"? Fuck you. Fucking Shiva handed this guy a million dollars, told him "Sign the deal!" he wouldn't sign. And the god Vishnu too, into the bargain. Fuck you, John! You know your business, I know mine. Your business is being an asshole. I find out whose fucking cousin you are, I'm going to go to him and figure out a way to have your ass - fuck you!
[throws the cards at Williamson]
Ricky Roma: I'm waiting for the new leads.More [12/23/2007 12:12:00]
James Bond: [over intercom to Goldfinger, who has been cheating at cards] Now hear this, Goldfinger. Your luck has just changed. I doubt very much that the Miami Beach Police would take kindly to what you're doing. Nod your head if you agree... Nod...
[Goldfinger nods]
James Bond: Good. Now, start losing, Goldfinger. Shall we say ten thousand dollars? No, let's be generous. Let's make it fifteen thousand.
[Goldfinger hesitates, then throws a card on the table]
Simmons: Well, I can see this is really my day!
[puts his cards on the table]
Simmons: Gin!
Jill Masterson: May I see?
[looks through binoculars. She sees Goldfinger snap his pencil in disgust]
James Bond: [over intercom] Over and out.
[switches intercom off, then to Jill]
James Bond: That should keep him occupied for quite some time.
Jill Masterson: I'm beginning to like you, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: Oh... call me James.
Jill Masterson: More than anyone I've ever met in a long time... James.
James Bond: Well, what are we going to do about it?
Jill Masterson: Yes, what?
James Bond: I'll tell you at dinner.
Jill Masterson: Where?
James Bond: Oh, I know the best place in town.
[they kiss]More [12/28/2007 12:12:00]
Lester: The rumor is you went half past dead and came back.
Sasha: Yeah!
Lester: Took a ride on the flat line for 22 minutes... and lived to tell. Thought we could play some cards and talk about that.More [01/23/2008 12:01:00]
[to Bond]
Solitaire: The cards have followed you for me.More [08/04/2008 12:08:00]
[Bond is en route from London to New York]
Solitaire: [turning tarot cards between sentences] A man comes. He travels quickly. He has purpose. He comes over water. He travels with others. He will oppose. He brings violence and destruction.
[plane lands in New York]More [08/04/2008 12:08:00]
[DJ and Yosemite Sam follow the Queen of Diamonds playing card to Foghorn Leghorn's blackjack table, where it gets shuffled into the deck]
Foghorn Leghorn: Place, I say, place your bets! Money plays, loser stays! Everyone's a winn - well, not everyone.
Yosemite Sam: [Drops a bag of money on the table] Here's my money, now play!
Foghorn Leghorn: Card, sir?
DJ Drake: Hit me.
Foghorn Leghorn: Don'cha, I say, don'cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's as sharp as a bowling ball.
DJ Drake: [looks at the card; it's an ace] Hit me.
Yosemite Sam: No, hit me!
Foghorn Leghorn: Wait your, I saya wait your turn, sir.
[deals another ace to DJ]
DJ Drake: Hit me.
[Foghorn deals another ace]
DJ Drake: Hit me.
Yosemite Sam: No, hit me!
[Foghorn continues to deal aces and twos to DJ. Sam can't take it anymore]
Yosemite Sam: No, no, no, hit ME, fragnabbit!
[Foghorn glances at the audience, then smashes Sam in the head with a piece of wood. Squashed, Sam scuttles around the table, cursing unintelligibly]
Foghorn Leghorn: He's the boss.
[DJ winces at the possibility of himself getting hit as well]
DJ Drake: [unsure] ... Hit me?
[Foghorn finally deals the Queen of Diamonds; DJ snatches it off the table]
Foghorn Leghorn: Twenty-one! We have, I say we have a winner!
[DJ and Daffy break for the door]
Daffy Duck: And then, they made their heroic escape!
[Daffy runs facefirst into the door that isn't open. DJ comes back, peels Daffy off, and exits again]More [08/12/2008 12:08:00]
[first lines]



MGM Reporter:
How do you do, ladies and gentlemen. This is the MGM reporter speaking. I'm a man on a mission. It's my privilege to examine police files and prison records, to interview prominent authorities throughout the country, and bring to you undeniably, proof of the message that crime does not pay. You can't beat the law. The cards are stacked against you. At this time it is my privilege to interview Mr. Edward Swain, the International Bonding Company. Mr. Swain has promised me an incident that will poignantly illustrate the fact that sometime, somewhere, the criminal always pays. Am I right, Mr. Swain?



Edward Swain:
You certainly are, Mac. The case of young Al Douglas illustrates your point. There are many others in our records, but this one is unusual and mighty interesting. Young Douglas was a teller in a bank. It wasn't long before the easy money he handled got him into trouble.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Gus Anderson:
[Joan, who's a beautician, is giving Gus a manicure] The trouble with you dizzy dames is ya don't know how to make big money.



Joan O'Day:
Hold still, willya? I suppose you do. You're nothing but a bundle-wrapper outta work.



Gus Anderson:
A shipping clerk in quest of a situation,


[takes his left hand out of the soaking solution, and shakes his wet finger at her]



Gus Anderson:
if ya don't mind!



Joan O'Day:
Hey, quit that, willya?



Gus Anderson:
Besides, it won't be long until I'm one of the biggest racketeers in the country. I'm gonna be a success, I am. Wait and see.



Joan O'Day:
I don't expect to live that long.


[holding his hand and making a mock gasp]



Joan O'Day:
Mr. Baumgarten, what beautiful moons you have!



Gus Anderson:
Aw, now look here smarty, come across willya? All I'm askin' is for five dollars of m'own money. I'll run it up to 200 over the weekend.



Joan O'Day:
Hmm, like ya ran up that last five dollars I gave ya down to fourteen cents.



Gus Anderson:
[As Joan starts to trim his nails with a scissors] Well, can't a fella get a bad break? Ouch! Go easy!



Joan O'Day:
Alright, Clarissa.



Gus Anderson:
I shoulda known better than to play cards on a rainy Friday the thirteenth.



Joan O'Day:
Ya shoulda known better than to play cards with that mob of thieves ya hang around with. Ya know they cheatcha.



Gus Anderson:
Well, maybe they do, a little. But they're such nice guys. Anyhow, I hafta learn the angles, haven't I? Besides, I've got a way of gettin' even with 'em if I just had a five-dollar stake.


[Tickling her under the chin with his wet hand]



Gus Anderson:
Aw, ya look so pretty today, ducky-wucky.



Joan O'Day:
[Wiping her chin with a towel] You know better than to ducky-wucky me.



Gus Anderson:
Alright, alright, Brain Trust, if ya don't believe me, just look at this. Right there.


[He hands her a folded newspaper showing an ad that reads "SURPRISE YOUR FRIENDS! Get a pack of Sure-Fire Playing Cards. You can tell at a glance what cards your opponents hold in their hands!"]



Joan O'Day:
[reading aloud from the ad] "IT CAN'T MISS! IT CAN'T FAIL! Send $2.00 today. P. O. Box 432, Wilmington, South Dakota." Well, I must say, that's a nice surprise for your friends. Did you send the two dollars?



Gus Anderson:
The cards'll be here any day. Do I get the five?



Joan O'Day:
You're one of MY friends aren't cha?



Gus Anderson:
Sure.



Joan O'Day:
Well, I've got a nice surprise for you, ducky wucky. NO!



Gus Anderson:
That's the trouble with you dames, no foresight, no vision....



Joan O'Day:
Alright, ox-heart, back to your pasture, I'm through with your hoofs.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[first lines]



Narrator:
Wild Bill Hickok was a gunfighter who almost triumphed over death. His gun was drawn, his thumb had cocked the hammer, his cards were neatly stacked. It held two pair. And so it was from then on, aces and eights were called "the death hand." Cast in the same mold was another who, unlike Wild Bill, never carried a six-shooter, preferring to let agile fingers do his talking. From the Missouri to the Rockies he was known as Gentleman Tim Madigan and the aces and eights that spelled death for Wild Bill wrote a different fate for Gentleman Tim.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Narrator:
Hunted, hiding... The Kid continued to play his cards the way he saw them... and by his own rules.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[after Hercules played a card, Willie the Gorilla grabbed it and put it back in Hercules' hand]



Lillian:
Hey! What are you doin' gangin' up on me? One baboon at a time!



Hercules, the Midget:
Can't a guy change his mind, Lil?



Lillian:
Yeah, providin' he's got a mind to start with. Besides I ain't playin' cards with a man who has a moth-eaten monkey for partner.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
D. B. Norton:
You'll play your cards right and you'll never have to worry about money again.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Beany:
What's a hee-lot?



The Colonel:
You've ever been broke, sonny?



Beany:
Sure, mostly often.



The Colonel:
All right. You're walking along, not a nickel in your jeans, your free as the wind, nobody bothers ya. Hundreds of people pass you by in every line of buisness: shoes, hats, automobiles, radios, everything, and there all nice lovable people and they lets you alone, is that right? Then you get a hold of some dough and what happens, all those nice sweet lovable people become hee-lots, a lotta heels. They begin to creep up on ya, trying to sell ya something: they get long claws and they get a stranglehold on ya, and you squirm and you duck and you holler and you try to push them away but you haven't got the chance. They gots ya. First thing ya know you own things, a car for instance, now your whole life is messed up with alot more stuff: you get license fees and number plates and gas and oil and taxes and insurance and identification cards and letters and bills and flat tires and dents and traffic tickets and motorcycle cops and tickets and courtrooms and lawers and fines and... a million and one other things. What happens? You're not the free and happy guy you used to be. You need to have money to pay for all those things, so you go after what the other fellas got. There you are, you're a hee-lot yourself.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Henry Lathrop:
You know I like to put my cards on the table.



Ginger Gray:
Well I think you could have taken out the joker.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[last lines]



Yosemite Sam:
[Bugs is tied up and hanging from a rope on top of the train as it lingers over a concrete bridge] Now, you lop-eared polecat, try and get out of this one!


[Sam begins to cut the rope and caption cards dominate the scene]



Narrator:
Is this the end of bugs bunny? will our hero be dashed to bits on the jagged rocks below?



Bugs Bunny:
Is he to be doomed to utter destruction? Will he be rendered non-corpus mentus?


[Bugs walks into frame dragging a tied-up Sam behind him, with a bag of money in his hand]



Bugs Bunny:
Eh, he don't know me very well, do he?


[chews on a carrot as the picture irises out]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Duke:
Chester, you'd better face it - the cards say "Alaska!"



Chester Hooton:
No wonder - it's a cold deck!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Kenny Veech:
You haven't won a pot all night, Barker.



Mr. Barker:
The cards are against me.



Kenny Veech:
You know you did pretty good when you brought your own deck.



Kenny Veech:
You're not doin' so good yourself with cards or anything else!



Mr. Barker:
Meanin' what?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Il medico:
His heart is very weak. His whole condition is bad.



Eva:
What can we do?



Il medico:
He needs nutritrious foods, vitamins.



Eva:
How can we do that, Doctor?



Edmund:
With the cards we have, we can't get more



Il medico:
Yes, I know. It's the same all over. The best thing would be to get him into a hospital. But they are all more than full.



Karl-Heinz:
Couldn't we at least try, Doctor?



Il medico:
Cases worse than his have not been admitted.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Bugs Bunny:
Gin rummy's my game, Sam.



Yosemite Sam:
Okay, cut the cards.


[Bugs takes a hatchet and chops the deck of cards in two]



Yosemite Sam:
Not that way, you darn galoot!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Captain Yorke:
[quoting regulations] "An officer, upon reporting to a new post, must wait upon his commanding officer at the first possible moment. He will leave his card."



2nd Lt. Michael O'Rourke:
[continuing to quote the regulation] "He will leave an additional card for each lady in the commanding officer's family."



Captain Yorke:
[continuing] "All other officers on the post will, in turn, leave their cards at the quarters of the incoming officer."


[to O'Rourke]



Captain Yorke:
Right?



2nd Lt. Michael O'Rourke:
Right!


[to Philadelphia]



2nd Lt. Michael O'Rourke:
Now do you understand?



Philadelphia Thursday:
It was just a duty call?



Captain Yorke:
That's it - just a duty call. But there's nothing in the regulations that says the commanding officer's daughter should receive such cards on her backporch... in her nightie.



Philadelphia Thursday:
Pish tosh! This is not a nightie.


[to O'Rourke]



Philadelphia Thursday:
It's a dressing gown, isn't it?



2nd Lt. Michael O'Rourke:
I wouldn't know.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Newspaper reporter:
[speaking of Col. Thursday] But what of the men who died with him? What of Collingworth and...



Captain Yorke:
Collingwood.



Newspaper reporter:
Oh, of course, Collingwood.



Reporter:
That's the ironic part of it. We always remember the Thursdays, but the others are forgotten.



Captain Yorke:
You're wrong there. They aren't forgotten because they haven't died. They're living - right out there.


[points out the window]



Captain Yorke:
Collingwood and the rest. And they'll keep on living as long as the regiment lives. The pay is thirteen dollars a month; their diet: beans and hay. Maybe horsemeat before this campaign is over. Fight over cards or rotgut whiskey, but share the last drop in their canteens. The faces may change... the names... but they're there: they're the regiment... the regular army... now and fifty years from now. They're better men than they used to be. Thursday did that. He made it a command to be proud of.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Carmen García:
What is it? What do you see there that makes you look like that?


[She looks at the tarot cards]



Carmen García:
That isn't my fortune.



Old Crone:
The fat's in the fire, all right. Just as I said.



Carmen García:
That isn't my fortune, I tell you. I didn't cut the cards.


[Carmen swats them off the table]



Carmen García:
Anyway, I don't believe in cards. I never have. As if you could see in those stupid cards that death was walking my way. We all have to die. And I can't think of a nicer way than to be killed by love.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Pluthner:
Was there any trouble?



Wes McQueen:
A little. The marshal picked up Reno and Duke.



Pluthner:
What? Ah, that was a tough break. They was good boys. But that's the game for ya... all part of the game. You and me, Wes - just you and me left out of that fine parcel of men. Of course, we end up with the money, you and me, but that's how the cards fall.



Wes McQueen:
Look, Pluthner! This deck has had so much bottom-dealing that it's dog-eared. Too many jokers keep turning up.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Judge Crenshaw:
Mr. Burns, I've heard you were an honest man and good with a gun. But I also heard you confessed to weakness for liquor, cards and women.



Walter 'Yukon' Burns:
Not women, your Honor. They ain't for the weak.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Joan Ross:
When I started this crazy tour the last thing I was looking for was a man. Why I should pick on you, I don't know. After I know you better I may not like you. But I kept thinking about you and started looking for you. I phoned all over and Tony Bennis from the Paris embassy found out for me that you has come here. Michael, it's was exactly 11:45 a few days ago when you left me. What time is it now? Check both watches.



Mike Kells:
Well, it's exactly 11:37.



Joan Ross:
Do we resume? Heaven bless 11:37. I don't.



Mike Kells:
, I'd like nothing better in the world, but right now I'm sort of... I... I... I'm... tied...



Joan Ross:
All right, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table. Michael, tell me the truth. Are you with someone?



Mike Kells:
[showing a photo of a woman] No. No, I'm chasing her. My dream girl.



Joan Ross:
Can't be helped. Can't be helped, can it? I apologize to you Michael. I'm truly sorry.



Mike Kells:
No, no, no. I'm only kidding about her. I'm only doing this for an acquaintance of a friend of mine. I promised to look her up and see about her.



Joan Ross:
Do you have to see about her tonight?



Mike Kells:
It doesn't look as though I can tonight.



Joan Ross:
[leaning in] Darling! Let's explore Triste together!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Brett Wade:
Look, Mr. Braden, I don't like the place you run in Socorro. Your cards are marked, your dice are loaded and your whiskey is watered.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ollie:
How many times I gotta tell you boys not to bother me while I'm doin' my weekly relaxation? Whaddya want?



Spin Evans:
Is it okay to saddle this horse for Perkins?



Ollie:
Perkins?



George, the cook:
Nice Sunday afternoon. He take a rest? No. He play cards with Sam? No. He gotta go for ride in country.



Perkins:
Good day, Oliver, Master Evans. This is my steed, I presume?



Ollie:
Perkins, I'm proud of you.



Perkins:
Oh, I simply decided that it was my duty to learn to ride. As long as I'm staying at the Triple R, I feel I should master the equestrian art.



Ollie:
The what?



Perkins:
Precisely. I really hadn't intended to bother you at all, Oliver. That's why I asked Master Evans to help me.



George, the cook:
Hey, Perkins, you know what's wrong with horses? Look, no wheels!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Sky Masterson:
One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not accept this bet, because as sure as you stand there, you're going to wind up with an ear full of cider.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Nasty Canasta:
Now, then, the idea in draw poker is for you to try to get a bigger hand than I got.


[while Canasta is talking, Bugs takes off a glove, inflates it, and puts it back on]



Nasty Canasta:
So I deal five cards to the each of us, and we choose the best ones, and we draw some more cards, and whoever has the biggest hand wins. You win, see?


[pause]



Nasty Canasta:
Cut it out, can't ya?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Scucchia:
Sleep at night instead of playing cards - you look like refugees from the morgue.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jack Burns:
I don't need cards to figure out who I am, I already know.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Charlie Brown:
[Charlie Brown and Linus stop at a wall on their trip to the pond for ice skating] I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.


[begins to walk with Linus again]



Charlie Brown:
I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jacqueline:
I would do anything for you. Anything. Your wish is my command; and your desire is my desire.



The Black Fingernail:
Really?



Jacqueline:
Hmm-mm.



The Black Fingernail:
Methinks, if I play my cards right, I might be on to a good thing here.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Luke:
Anybody here? Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It's about time we had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow... killed people in the war and got drunk... and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much... but even so, You've got to admit You ain't dealt me no cards in a long time. It's beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can't never win out. Inside, outside, all of them... rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. All right.


[Gets on knees, closes eyes and begins to pray]



Luke:
. On my knees, asking.


[Peeks up with one eye, waits. Then opens eyes and crosses arms]



Luke:
. Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I'm pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case.


[Clicks tongue]



Luke:
. Yeah. I guess I gotta find my own way.


[Headlights shine through windows, backs up]



Dragline:
Luke?



Luke:
[Shakes head and smiles] Is that Your answer, Old Man? I guess You're a hard case, too.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Van Morgan:
Wanna do me a favor Mama?



Mama Malone:
Depends.



Van Morgan:
If I'm not back by dark, will you flip that last chair up?



Mama Malone:
What if you do get back?



Van Morgan:
Well, I'll just sit down and play some cards - for money.



Mama Malone:
About time. A man don't work, he ain't respectable.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Oscar Madison:
I'm in for a quarter.



Murray:
Aren't you going to look at your cards first?



Oscar Madison:
What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway. Who gets a Pepsi?



Murray:
I get a Pepsi.



Oscar Madison:
My friend Murray the policeman gets a warm Pepsi.



Roy:
You still didn't fix the refrigerator. It's been two weeks now - no wonder it stinks in here.



Oscar Madison:
Temper, temper. If I wanted nagging, I'd go back with my wife. I'm out. Who wants food?



Murray:
What do you got?



Oscar Madison:
I got, uh, brown sandwiches and, uh, green sandwiches. Which one do you want?



Murray:
What's the green?



Oscar Madison:
It's either very new cheese or very old meat.



Murray:
I'll take the brown.


[Oscar hands Murray a sandwich which Murray starts wolfing down]



Roy:
Are you crazy? You're not going to eat that, are you?



Murray:
I'm hungry!



Roy:
His refrigerator has been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn't even in the bottle!



Oscar Madison:
What are you, some kind of health nut? Eat, Murray, eat!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Oscar Madison:
I'm $800 behind in alimony. Let's raise the stakes.



Roy:
They can do it, you know.



Oscar Madison:
Do what?



Roy:
Throw you in jail.



Oscar Madison:
Never. If she can't call me up once a week to aggravate me, she's not happy.



Murray the Cop:
Aren't you worried about the kids?



Oscar Madison:
Murray, the kids are living in their grandfather's house with a swimming pool in California. Can we just play cards?



Roy:
I told you you'd get into trouble. It's because you don't know how manage anything. I should know - I'm your accountant.



Oscar Madison:
If you're my accountant, how come I need money?



Roy:
If you need money, how come you play poker?



Oscar Madison:
'Cause I need money.



Roy:
But you always lose.



Oscar Madison:
That's why I need the money.



Roy:
Then don't play poker.



Oscar Madison:
Then don't come to my house and eat my potato chips.


[grabs the bag of potato chips on the poker table and flings the entire contents all over the living room]



Oscar Madison:
You see, wise guy? Potato chips!



Murray the Cop:
Oh, beautiful, beautiful.


[an argument ensues with everyone bickering all at once]



Murray the Cop:
What are you yelling about? We're playing a friendly game!


[the bickering continues]



Murray the Cop:
All right, all right, ALL RIGHT! Calm down, calm down, take it easy. I'm a cop, you know - I can arrest the whole lousy game.


[they all quiet down]



Oscar Madison:
My friend Murray the cop is right. Let's just play cards and please hold them up. I can't see where I marked them.



Roy:
He owes money to his wife, his government and his friends and he still won't take it seriously.



Oscar Madison:
Life goes on even for those of us who are divorced, broke and sloppy.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Roy:
What if he's laying in a gutter somewhere ? Who would know who he is?



Oscar Madison:
He's got 92 credit cards in his wallet. The minute something happens to him, America lights up.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

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