baseball

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baseball

Words can be like baseball bats when used maliciously.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
There is a progression of understanding vis--vis pro football that varies drastically with the factor of distance -- physical, emotional, intellectual and every other way. Which is exactly the way it should be, in the eyes of the amazingly small number of people who own and control the game, because it is this finely managed distance factor that accounts for the high-profit mystique that blew the sacred institution of baseball off its national pastime pedestal in less than fifteen years.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate Who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
In the great department store of life, baseball is the toy department.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Ace Ventura: She gets flooded, we'll just have to wait a second.
[suddenly the dog thief appears and smashes the back windshield with a baseball bat]
Ace Ventura: Or we could try it now.More [07/21/2005 12:07:00]
Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire.More [07/30/2005 12:07:00]
Swan: [caught outside the subway by the Baseball Furies] Maybe we better take off...
Ajax: Yeah, right...More [11/29/2005 12:11:00]
I've always been like that. I was a tomboy when I was a kid, so I was always playing baseball and basketball and football and stuff as a kid with the boys.More [03/23/2006 12:03:00]
I wasn't interested in doing a baseball story. My favorite sports movies transcend the sports that they are about.More [05/02/2006 12:05:00]
I wasn't interested in doing a baseball story.More [05/02/2006 12:05:00]
One night I went over to get some dope from some Hollywood tough guy. After I left, my son Scott, who was only fifteen, went over with a baseball bat to kill him. I was laughing out of one eye and crying out of the other. I thought, Who am I kidding?More [05/15/2006 12:05:00]
It was the baseball fantasy of a lifetime - to be able to sit on the bench with all those professional athletes. I got to take my son along because I wasn't sure I would be able to play with them.More [07/04/2006 12:07:00]
“Tell me the truth - do you think I've lost my Southern accent? I feel it comes back to me only when I'm shouting at fights or at baseball games.”More [08/13/2006 12:08:00]
“[This blown-out fashion extravaganza is a far cry from her more humble beginnings as a teenager in Anaheim, California, in the heart of Orange County. There, she'd follow her mother to the fabric store and her mom would let her choose her own buttons, zippers, and threads and encouraged her to make her own clothes. Gwen's taste evolved, and she went from wearing tomboyish overalls, jumpers, and baseball caps to finding pegged men's pajama bottoms and making corset-style drop-waist dresses with cheerleader skirts, which she'd pair with boxer shorts, fishnets and Doc Martens.] That was it, ... Suddenly you hit puberty, and it's like, you know, thrift stores! I just started deconstructing everything from thrift stores.”More [08/17/2006 12:08:00]
A baseball player, Catfish Hunter, was the first player to get a sports contract.More [09/12/2006 12:09:00]
I was this jock playing football and baseball for 20 years and had virtually no aesthetic development.More [10/30/2006 12:10:00]
“We believe that Take-Two overpaid for the license given the lack of exclusivity and relatively small size of the baseball category, ... The only winners here are the Players Association due to the size of the minimum guarantees, and first-party publishers due to the lack of future competition from EA Sports in the baseball genre.”More [10/30/2006 12:10:00]
The real beauty of it - key to my life was playing key chords on a banjo. For somebody else it may be a golf club that mom and dad put in their hands or a baseball or ballet lessons. Real gift to give to me and put it in writing.More [11/12/2006 12:11:00]
Hyman Roth: I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstien fixed the World Series in 1919.More [02/23/2007 12:02:00]
Ace Rothstein: [Narrating, after Nicky and his brother Dominick get beat death by baseball bats] They had enough of Nicky. They had enough. I mean, how much more were they gonna take? So, they made an example of him and his brother: they buried them while they were still breathing.More [02/24/2007 12:02:00]
[Riggs and Rika are in bed]
Riggs: I think it's time for the seventh inning stretch.
[pause]
Riggs: That's a baseball expression.
Rika: I know. But we're only up to the fourth inning.More [03/01/2007 12:03:00]
[Frank grabs a baseball bat and gets one of the umpire's attention]
Frank: Oh, excuse me. Um, could you tell me. Is this an official bat?
[Frank struck the umpire's head with the bat and was knocked out. Frank drags him to the equipment room]More [03/26/2007 12:03:00]
Captain Miller: I'm a schoolteacher. I teach English composition... in this little town called Adley, Pennsylvania. The last eleven years, I've been at Thomas Alva Edison High School. I was a coach of the baseball team in the springtime. Back home, I tell people what I do for a living and they think well, now that figures. But over here, it's a big, a big mystery. So, I guess I've changed some. Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much my wife is even going to recognize me, whenever it is that I get back to her. And how I'll ever be able to tell her about days like today. Ah, Ryan. I don't know anything about Ryan. I don't care. The man means nothing to me. It's just a name. But if... You know if going to Rumelle and finding him so that he can go home. If that earns me the right to get back to my wife, then that's my mission.
[to Private Reiben]
Captain Miller: You want to leave? You want to go off and fight the war? All right. All right. I won't stop you. I'll even put in the paperwork. I just know that every man I kill the farther away from home I feel.More [04/07/2007 12:04:00]
Randy Marsh: [getting put in a car by the cops after fighting at Stan's Baseball Game]
[shouts]
Randy Marsh: I thought this was America!More [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Bowler Hat Guy: Allow me to share some light on the subject.
[turns on light, revealing room in the orphanage]
Lewis: My old room!
Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean OUR old room!
[takes off cape, revealing baseball uniform]
Bowler Hat Guy: Ah, yes! It is I, Mike Yagoobian!More [05/09/2007 12:05:00]
Glen Lantz: Oh, man. Midnight. Baseball bats and boogeymen. Beautiful.More [06/14/2007 12:06:00]
Addison: [Xavier is repeatedly whacking a door with a baseball bat with nails on it - it isn't working, everyone's watching]
[sarcastically]
Addison: Well we've established that the macho bullshit approach isn't opening the door. Any other suggestions?
Xavier: [turns round to Addison] Look who's talking, the only door you know how to open is between ya' legs!
Addison: [lunges towards Xavier in anger] Why don't you shut the hell up all right!
Xavier: [shouting] Why don't you shut the hell up?
Addison: [she lunges towards him and they begin fighting] I'm sick of your bullshit. You'd best bend over before I land one on the back of your cheek, asshole.
[they begin to fight more, but Jonas steps in and grabs Addison]
Addison: Get the fuck off me!More [06/26/2007 12:06:00]
Fantasy Baseball Guy #1: Hey, don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!More [06/26/2007 12:06:00]
SFC Cunningham: You didn't used to play baseball did ya? Shit, I know you. You're Merrill Hess! I was there the day you hit that 507-footer over the left field wall, set the record. Man, that thing had a motor on it. It's still the record right?
Merrill: Got the bat at home on the wall.
SFC Cunningham: You've got two minor league home-run records, don't ya?
Merrill: Five.
SFC Cunningham: Why weren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?
Lionel Prichard: 'Cause he has another record most people don't know about. He has the minor league strikeout record.
Merrill: Hello Lionel.
Lionel Prichard: Merrill's a class-A screw up. He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could. Looked like a lumberjack chopping down a tree. Merrill here has more strikeouts than any two players.
SFC Cunningham: You really got the strikeout record?
Merrill: Felt wrong not to swing.More [06/28/2007 12:06:00]
He’s one of the smartest baseball players I’ve ever been around. Not just one of the smartest pitchers … the smartest player. He sees thing very few people see.More [07/06/2007 12:07:00]
[Casper sitting on his old sled, takes his baseball cap off]
Casper: I begged and begged my dad to give me this sled, but, be acted like I couldn't even have it, because I didn't know how to ride. But then one morning, I came down for breakfast and there it was! Just for me, for no reason at all. I took it out... went sledding all day... my dad said "That's enough" but I couldn't stop I was having so much fun... it got late... got dark... got cold... and I got sick... my dad got sad...
Kat: What's it like to die?
Casper: Like... being born, only backwards... I remember, I didn't go where I was supposed to go... I just stayed behind, so my dad wouldn't be lonelyMore [07/10/2007 12:07:00]
It would be sweeter, … Everybody would like to see the Yankees not make the postseason one year. If Boston wins that division, and we do our job by beating the Yankees, it would be a tremendous thing. It means we’re playing good baseball against a team that sets the standard for good baseballMore [07/18/2007 12:07:00]
“On matters of race, on matters of decency, baseball should lead the way.”More [08/05/2007 12:08:00]
“The banishment for life of Pete Rose from baseball is a sad end if a sorry episode. One of the game's greatest players has engaged in a variety of acts which have stained the game, and he must now live with the consequences of those acts. There is absolutely no deal for reinstatement.”More [08/05/2007 12:08:00]
Harry: Where did you get those?
Lloyd: I bought them when we filled up.
Harry: We are supposed to talk about all expenditures Lloyd; we are on a very tight budget.
Lloyd: This didn't come out of our travel fund.
Harry: Oh.
Lloyd: Yeah, I was able to raise 25 extra bucks before we left.
Harry: Where did you get 25 extra becks?
Lloyd: I sold some stuff, to Billy in 4-C.
Harry: The blind kid?
Lloyd: Yeah, ha ha! Yeah.
Harry: What did you sell him Lloyd?
Lloyd: Stuff.
Harry: What kinda stuff?
Lloyd: I don't know, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, *cough* Petey.
Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn't even have a head!
Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it...
Blind Kid: Pretty bird, yeah, can you say pretty bird? Pretty bird, yeah pretty bird... Polly want a cracker?More [08/12/2007 12:08:00]
A lot of them weren’t even baseball fans. We passed out tickets to the game, to occupy their time right now.More [08/29/2007 12:08:00]
He got very emotional when he told us, like your granddad is going away and you’re not going to see him anymore. It’s tough for him. Baseball is his life.More [08/29/2007 12:08:00]
I think someone young with fresh ideas and a different style of baseball will be good for the team. Hopefully, it will be a good fit.More [08/29/2007 12:08:00]
There has always been a saying in baseball that you can't make a hitter, but I think you can improve a hitter. More than you can improve a fielder. More mistakes are made hitting than in any other part of the game.More [09/18/2007 12:09:00]
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Regardless of the verdict of juries... no player who throws a ball game... no player who undertakes, or promises to throw a game... no player who sits in conference with a bunch of crooked players and gamblers where the ways and means of throwing a ball game are discussed, and does not promptly tell his club about it... will ever play professional baseball again.More [10/06/2007 12:10:00]
[the owners are discussing the commissioner's job with Judge Landis]
Judge Friend: Well we're in search of someone uh...
Charles Comiskey: We feel that we need a commissioner who will clean up baseball and give a new face to the sport. We're prepared to grant you certain powers...
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Absolute powers
Charles Comiskey: Absolute powers?
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Won't work any other way. People won't believe it. Absolute powers
Charles Comiskey: Well we're prepared to give you a 5 year contract...
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Lifetime contract
Judge Friend: Lifetime?
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: A man worried about his job is bound to play favorites. Now you gentlemen don't want that do you?
Charles Comiskey: Well a lifetime contract sounds a little...
Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: [slaps flyswatter down on the desk] I'm due back in the courtroom in 5 minutes gentlemen, let's talk salary.More [10/06/2007 12:10:00]
[a baseball game is on television]
Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Terence Mann: Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Ray Kinsella: I think I know what "If you build it, he will come" means.
Annie Kinsella: Ooh... why do I not think this is such a good thing?
Ray Kinsella: I think it means that if I build a baseball field out there that Shoeless Joe Jackson will get to come back and play ball again.
Annie Kinsella: [staring in disbelief] You're kidding.
Ray Kinsella: Huh-uh.
Annie Kinsella: Wow.
Ray Kinsella: Yeah.
Annie Kinsella: Ha. You're kidding.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Ray Kinsella: By the time I was ten, playing baseball got to be like eating vegetables or taking out the garbage. So when I was 14, I started to refuse. Could you believe that? An American boy refusing to play catch with his father.
Terence Mann: Why 14?
Ray Kinsella: That's when I read "The Boat Rocker" by Terence Mann.
Terence Mann: [rolling his eyes] Oh, God.
Ray Kinsella: Never played catch with him again.
Terence Mann: You see? That's the sort of crap people are always trying to lay on me. It's not my fault you wouldn't play catch with your father.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Mark: You build a baseball field, and you sit here, and stare at NOTHING.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Ray Kinsella: I'm 36 years old, I love my family, I love baseball and I'm about to become a farmer. But until I heard the voice, I'd never done a crazy thing in my whole life.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Ray Kinsella: I bet it's good to be playing again, huh?
Shoeless Joe Jackson: Getting thrown out of baseball was like having part of me amputated. I've heard that old men wake up and scratch itchy legs that been dust for over fifty years. That was me. I'd wake up at night with the smell of the ball park in my nose, the cool of the grass on my feet... The thrill of the grass.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
If you’re a singer you lose your voice. A baseball player loses his arm. A writer gets more knowledge, and if he’s good, the older he gets, the better he writes.More [11/25/2007 12:11:00]
Dexter: I could've sworn I've seen you somewhere before.
Ed: Maybe I'm someone famous like a baseball player or a pretty nurse.
Dexter: What? What are you talking about?
Ed: Okay, I give up. Who am I?
Dexter: I don't know *who* you are or *where* I've seen you before or *why* you think you're an attractive nurse.More [12/30/2007 12:12:00]
Chuckie: Wait, Bill. Hold it. Did you hear that?
[Man moans upstairs]
Chuckie: Morgan! If you're watching pornos in my mom's room again, I'm gonna give you a fucking beating!
[Morgan runs downstairs]
Morgan: What's up fellas?
Billy: Morgan, why don't you jerk off in your own fucking house. Man, that's fucking filthy.
Morgan: I ain't got a VCR in my house.
Chuckie: Aw, c'mon, not on my glove.
Morgan: I didn't use the glove.
Chuckie: That's my Little League glove.
Morgan: What do you want me to do?
Chuckie: I mean, what's wrong with you? You'll hump a baseball glove?
Morgan: I was just using it for clean-up.
Chuckie: Stop jerking off in my mother's room!
Morgan: Ain't there another VCR in the house?
Chuckie: It's just sad bro.More [01/01/2008 12:01:00]
Ernie Henderson: Hey, Dad.
George Henderson: Yeah?
Ernie Henderson: Do you think I could get a pair of real Major League baseball cleats when we get back?
George Henderson: You bet.
Ernie Henderson: Great. I'm gonna spike Frankie McDowell.
Nancy Henderson: Oh no you're not.
George Henderson: Listen to your mom, Ern.
Ernie Henderson: But he spiked me twice.
George Henderson: Well that's different. You go right ahead then.
Nancy Henderson: George!
George Henderson: Nan, you don't understand these things. It's just smart baseball.More [02/08/2008 12:02:00]
Brother Timothy: [Dunn and Timothy are in the schoolyard... Tim is bouncing a baseball off the steps] There's the pitch.
Michael Dunn: You know, I never figured out how a guy like you became a brother.
Brother Timothy: What's that supposed to mean? There's different types of guys, what's wrong with me?
Michael Dunn: I just can't figure it out, is all.
Brother Timothy: Well, most people can't figure it out. My brother was the one who was supposed to have the vocation. Me, they had me written off as the bum. But here I am, wearing a robe, bouncing a ball off the steps of the rectory.
Michael Dunn: Was your brother a bum?
Brother Timothy: Sort of. Sells life insurance down in Maryland.More [03/03/2008 12:03:00]
Arthur Abbott: [Reaches stairs to stage, Miles's theme music comes on] I'll do it.
[Climbs up stairs, give Iris a thumbs up at the top]
Arthur Abbott: [Addressing the audience] Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I'm absolutely overwhelmed... that I could climb those stairs.
[Audience laughs]
Arthur Abbott: I came to Hollywood over 60 years ago, and immediately fell in love with motion pictures. And it's a love affair that's lasted a lifetime. When I first arrived in Tinseltown, there were no cineplexes or multiplexes. No such thing as a Blockbuster or DVD. I was here before conglomerates owned the studios. Before pictures had special effects teams. And definitely before box office results were reported like baseball scores on the nightly news.More [03/20/2008 12:03:00]
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Hey Szalinski, don't you ever do anything normal like play baseball?
Nick: Nope. Baseball is for mortals.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Maybe you could be the base.
Nick: Maybe you could be the mound.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Ronald, load your stuff!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Later, worm.More [03/24/2008 12:03:00]
Wendy Darling: What is this?
[she points to Jack's baseball mitt]
Jack: Oh, it's a baseball glove. You can catch things with it. Take things out of the oven. Or you can hit your sister with it.More [03/26/2008 12:03:00]
Peter Banning: [Jack is angry at his Dad and tossing his baseball to the ceiling and catching it] Will you stop doing that? You could break a window
Jack: It's double layered, it won't break!
[he demonstrates his point by banging his ball against the glass]
Peter Banning: [confiscating the ball] Give me that.More [03/26/2008 12:03:00]
Matt Buckner: What are you talkin' about, baseball is a girl's game? The Red Sox has a guy that pitches the ball over 90 miles per hour!
Pete Dunham: Who cares? All that means is that he can have a wank faster than you.More [03/26/2008 12:03:00]

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