shorts

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shorts

[Yen does the real somersault]
Frank: Ten says he shorts it.
Livingston: No bet. More [07/07/2005 12:07:00]
Turk Malloy: Ten says he shorts it.
Frank, Livingston, Saul: Twenty! More [07/07/2005 12:07:00]
Victor Skakapopulis: We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.More [01/06/2006 12:01:00]
People wear shorts to the Broadway theater. There should be a law against that.More [06/15/2006 12:06:00]
I have never been so scantily clad in my life! But I've never really had much of a problem with it ever since I was a kid... And then also being, you know, a dancer and a model. Growing up in Hawaii, running around in, you know, shorts and swimsuits and stuff, I never really had a problem with it.More [08/30/2006 12:08:00]
[McGee uses a nail gun, Riggs and Murtaugh drop to the floor, guns drawn]
Mickey McGee: Hey, Jesus Christ! What the hell's wrong with you guys?
Martin Riggs: I'm sorry, that's very uncool.
Mickey McGee: You're sorry! I nearly shit my shorts for Christ's sake!More [03/01/2007 12:03:00]
Horace: [still shivering after falling through the frozen pond] Turn on the heat!
Jasper: *No.* Now with this thing acting the way she is.
Horace: I can't stand the cold no more!
[turns the heat on himself; the system shorts and the car catches on fire from the heater]
Horace: AHH! TOO HOT! TOO HOT!More [03/28/2007 12:03:00]
Television Reporter: Is there a specific instance in an airplane emergency when you can recall fear?
Jim Lovell: Uh well, I'll tell ya, I remember this one time - I'm in a Banshee at night in combat conditions, so there's no running lights on the carrier. It was the Shrangri-La, and we were in the Sea of Japan and my radar had jammed, and my homing signal was gone... because somebody in Japan was actually using the same frequency. And so it was - it was leading me away from where I was supposed to be. And I'm lookin' down at a big, black ocean, so I flip on my map light, and then suddenly: zap. Everything shorts out right there in my cockpit. All my instruments are gone. My lights are gone. And I can't even tell now what my altitude is. I know I'm running out of fuel, so I'm thinking about ditching in the ocean. And I, I look down there, and then in the darkness there's this uh, there's this green trail. It's like a long carpet that's just laid out right beneath me. And it was the algae, right? It was that phosphorescent stuff that gets churned up in the wake of a big ship. And it was - it was - it was leading me home. You know? If my cockpit lights hadn't shorted out, there's no way I'd ever been able to see that. So uh, you, uh, never know... what... what events are to transpire to get you home.More [04/08/2007 12:04:00]
Igby: [on Ollie] He was ten-speeding a gazillion miles per hour through Central Park. You know, racing with all the other young Turks. When, all of a sudden he caught a glimpse of himself in the handlebar mirror and became so... aroused by it that he burst his Speedo shorts which then got caught in the gears and threw him right on his face. Splatter.More [04/23/2007 12:04:00]
Raoul Duke: You scurvy shiester bastard. I'm a doctor of journalism man! Get in there and clean your shorts! Clean your shorts goddammit like a big boy!More [06/12/2007 12:06:00]
Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.More [07/05/2007 12:07:00]
Crysta: Just imagine. Humans back in Ferngully.
Batty Koda: Yup. There goes the neighborhood.
Crysta: Be nice, Batty.
Batty Koda: First of all, all these trees go. Then come your highways, then your parking lots, your convenience stores, and then...
[Zak shorts out Batty's antenna]
Batty Koda: Price check on prune juice, Bob. Price check on prune juice.More [11/03/2007 12:11:00]
Jon: I remember this picture.
Harry: Oh yeah. Guy on the left had is Tom Hankerman, he flew 37 missions before going down over Okinawa.
Jon: Pop, you're putting your shorts on backwards.
Harry: Huh? Oh yeah. That guy there is Lenny Coleman. Lenny ran that little airfield I flew out of after the war.
Jon: Is that the place you took me to for my first ride?
Harry: Your mother too. And last ride for her!
Jon: Pop, you see much of Arlene?
Harry: Arlene?
Jon: Your loving daughter.
Harry: No.More [11/15/2007 12:11:00]
Danny: [furiously at Jack] Now, dammit! I just told you my deepest fear! Why can't you listen to what I'm saying instead of how I'm saying it? I mean, do you have any idea -any idea- what it is to be afraid of death? I can't eat my bowl of cereal in the morning because I have an irrational fear of milk. I stand there in hallways afraid to press strange elevator buttons. I almost threw out my jockey shorts because I have this fear of elastic!
[Kate begins laughing hysterically]
Ginny: Don't laugh at him.
Danny: No. Go on. Go on, laugh. Laugh. Good. I'm a fool, right? Right?
Kate Burroughs: Oh, Danny. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Now, come on... are you really afraid of your underwear?
[she starts laughing again]
Danny: I'm dying, she's laughing.More [11/24/2007 12:11:00]
Burton Jernigan: [Jernigan has been hit in the groin by Alice with a crowbar when she tried to kill Alex's petmouse, Doris] You... smacked my winkie.
Alice: Well, if you changed your shorts once in a while, maybe you wouldn't have rats in your pants.More [03/22/2008 12:03:00]
Juno MacGuff: Wow your shorts are like especially gold today.
Paulie Bleeker: My mom uses color safe bleach.
Juno MacGuff: Go Carol.More [05/17/2008 12:05:00]
Mortimer:
Say, you want that button?



Mickey:
Yes!


[Mortimer pulls it off of Mickey's shorts and hands it to him]



Mortimer:
Okay! Here it is! Do you want the other one?



Mickey:
No!



Mortimer:
No?


[Pulls the other button off and throws it away]



Mortimer:
Okay! Never a dull moment.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Robby:
Morbius. Morbius!



Dr. Edward Morbius:
What?



Robby:
Something is approaching from the southwest. It is now quite close.


[they run to the windows and look out, but see nothing]



Commander John J. Adams:
Could Robby be wrong?



Dr. Edward Morbius:
No. Never.


[an invisible force rips down the trees; Morbius closes the lead shutters over the windows]



Dr. Edward Morbius:
I feel sorry for you, young man.



Commander John J. Adams:
Feel sorry for your daughter, Morbius.



Altaira:
It's listening.


[the monster pounds on the lead shielding, denting it]



Dr. Edward Morbius:
Alta, go into my study.



Commander John J. Adams:
You still refuse to face the truth.



Dr. Edward Morbius:
What truth?



Commander John J. Adams:
Morbius, that thing out there - it's you.



Dr. Edward Morbius:
You're insane. How else would you have led it here, where Alta must see you torn to pieces?



Commander John J. Adams:
You still think she's immune? She's joined herself to me, body and soul!



Altaira:
Yes, and whatever comes, forever.



Dr. Edward Morbius:
Say it's a lie. Shout, let it hear you out there! Tell it you don't love this man!



Altaira:
Not even if I could.


[the lead shielding begins to break]



Dr. Edward Morbius:
Stop it, Robby! Don't let it in! Kill it, Robby!


[Robby shorts out]



Commander John J. Adams:
It's no use. He knows it's your other self.


[lead shielding breaks; they run]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lenny:
It's funny, because I'd have thought that in the United States of America, I mean with the sun and all that, the open spaces, on the old campus, in your position, lecturing, in the centre of all the intellectual life out there, on the old campus, all the social whirl, all the stimulation of it all, all your kids and all that, to have fun with, down by the pool, the Greyhound buses and all that, tons of iced water, all the comfort of those Bermuda shorts and all that, on the old campus, no time of the day or night you can't get a cup of coffee or a Dutch gin, I'd have thought you'd have grown more forthcoming, not less. Because I want you to know that you set a standard for us, Teddy. Your family looks up to you, boy, and you know what it does? It does its best to follow the example you set. Because you're a great source of pride to us. That's why we were so glad to see you come back, to welcome you back to your birthplace. That's why.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Hunt Stevenson:
Is it just me or do you hate the way your shorts feel when they're wet?



Kazihiro:
Actually I kind of like it.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
C-3PO:
I do wish I could go with you to Endor...


[something shorts and R2 warbles loudly]



C-3PO:
On second thoughts, I just remembered how much I hate space travel. You have a nice trip though, R2.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Crow T. Robot:
There's always a boring shot.



Joel:
Yeah.



Tom Servo:
My shorts are never boring.



Joel:
Thank you, Tom.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Colin Mochrie:
[during a "Star Wars" Whose Line, as Luke Skywalker] I read the Jedi handbook you gave me. I was a little confused by page one, where it says,


[reads paper with line]



Colin Mochrie:
, "My shorts are on fire".



Ryan Stiles:
[as Obi-Wan Kenobi] Yes, it helps you to use The Force.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Raymond:
Of course I don't have my underwear. I'm definitely not wearing my underwear.



Charlie:
I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?



Raymond:
They're in the pocket of my jacket. Here.



Charlie:
I don't want them back.



Raymond:
These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32.



Charlie:
Underwear is underwear, Ray.



Raymond:
My boxer shorts have my name and it says Raymond.



Charlie:
All right, when we pass the store, we'll pick you up a pair of boxer shorts.



Raymond:
I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.



Charlie:
We're not going back to Cincinnati, Ray, so don't even start with that.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Raymond:
Gotta get my boxer shorts at K-Mart.



Charlie:
[Pulls over, gets out of the car and yells] WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CINCINNATI OR WHEREVER!



Raymond:
K-Mart!



Charlie:
You know what I think, Ray? I think this autism is a bunch of shit! Because you can't tell me that you're not in there somewhere!



Raymond:
Boxer shorts. K-Mart!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ralph's Mother:
[in a high pitched voice] Boys! Come on, breakfast is ready!


[radio shorts out and breaks]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Red Green:
Two things you need at a bar is ice and water; water for mixing drinks and ice to drop into people's shorts and into their hats, depending on where their hangover is.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Red Green:
Pretty soon, you're going to find yourself going on and on about every topic under the sun, and you're going to wonder, "Why am I suddenly the Encyclopedia Britannica in shorts and a T-shirt? And why this urge to tell anyone with ears?" Well, you're a middle-aged man now. And middle-aged men know everything. Oh, yeah. Middle-aged men know the best route on any highway from one place to another place. We know how to fix stuff. We know how to cut the lawn properly. We know everything. But you got to keep this knowledge to yourself, all right? I know that you know that your neighbor is planting that shrub the wrong way, but don't say anything. I too have seen my wife wallpaper the bedroom the hard way. Just keep your mouth shut, all right? Because when they found out how smart we are, they get jealous, all right? I don't know who said, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing," but I'm guessing it was a middle-aged man. So whatever it is you know - and I know it's a lot - keep it under your hat and you'll be able to keep your friends. Believe me, I know.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Caryl Kellogg:
What's with the balloons? It's not one of my kids' birthday is it?



Barb Ballantine:
No, time to roll out the cul-de-sac welcome wagon. We have new neighbors moving into the old Wagner house.



Marilyn Larson:
Oh, man, the Wagners! Now that was a great divorce.



Caryl Kellogg:
You knew the end was near when he and his secretary started taking Lamaze classes together.



Marilyn Larson:
Well, his wife was no angel herself. Remember every Friday the pool man would come over exactly at 3:00?



Caryl Kellogg:
that's right! In those tight, tight shorts on that even tighter butt? What ever happened to him?



Marilyn Larson:
He hurt his back giving her horsey rides in the deep end.



Marilyn Larson:
See, you're lucky. Your kitchen window faces north. Me, all I ever get to see is old man Kelly hiding whiskey bottles in his koi pond.



Barb Ballantine:
Ladies, ladies, must you diminish yourselves with idle gossip?



Marilyn Larson:
Sure!



Caryl Kellogg:
It's fun.



Barb Ballantine:
It's an invasion of privacy. And so often the facts are wrong. For instance, Mr. Kelly isn't hiding whiskey bottles, it's vodka. And they're not koi, they're goldfish. It's a common mistake. And as for the Wagners, he wasn't having an affair with his secretary, it was his receptionist. And as far as Mrs. Wagner and the pool man, yes, she was doing him.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Kris Bolin:
He'd take off his shorts and I'd take off my bikini and we'd fuck underwater in front of the entire senior class on shore. They just thought that we were two lovers embracing. We could do that now. In front of Roger, Sara... and noone would know.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Horace:
[still shivering after falling through the frozen pond] Turn on the heat!



Jasper:
*No.* Now with this thing acting the way she is.



Horace:
I can't stand the cold no more! I want heat!


[turns the heat on himself; the system shorts and the car catches on fire from the heater]



Horace:
AHH! TOO HOT! TOO HOT!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Talent Show Emcee:
Hey, how do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?



Heckler:
You're a jerk Ken!



Talent Show Emcee:
You say HEY, would you like to buy a chicken?



Heckler:
Eat my shorts Ken!



Talent Show Emcee:
Shut up! I'll kick your ass!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Bobby Hill:
Marie come back. Look I'm doing your favorite comedy bit.


[Pulls shorts up to his shirt]



Bobby Hill:
What are you talking about?


[crying]



Bobby Hill:
What are you talking about? What are you talking about?


[Bobby sobs]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Solomon:
[voiceover] These two kids I know, these two brothers. They murdered their parents. They both claim to be raised as Jehovah Witnesses. They came to school in really nice shorts and polished tennis sneakers. And their shirts were always collared with buttons, and their hair was always slicked back. And their teeth were always brushed, and their shirts and pants were always ironed, and their shoes were never scuffed up or anything like that. They seemed to have a wonderful life. I don't know what went wrong.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[inside the night-club]



Dylan:
[seductively] I want to pleasure you with my tongue.


[Georgie walks away in disgust. She sees Jez who has been waiting for her outside the night-club, dressed in his shorts after escaping from his "quick-release trousers"]



Georgie:
Hello.



Jez:
Hi.



Georgie:
This is a surprise.



Jez:
Yeah, isn't it.



Georgie:
What are you doing here? Was it Scouts tonight?



Jez:
No, no. I was just passing. Are you OK?



Georgie:
[unconvincingly] Yeah.



Jez:
Did he try to "pleasure you with his tongue"?



Georgie:
Is it that obvious?



Jez:
It's kind of a compulsion with him. He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets. That's why we never have pets.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Quinn's hand is in Robin's shorts - to catch a water snake that swam inside]



Robin Monroe:
I better not catch you smiling.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Vince Grimaldi:
I'm the one who's healthy, it's the rest of society that's dieseased. Look at these girls in gym class, with their breasts bulging out, and tight little shorts on. There just going to grow up to be whores, and sluts, and real estate agents.



Casey Noland:
You've been rejected by girls your whole life. What teenage girl wants to be with some lame ass gym coach?



Vince Grimaldi:
First of all, Fuck You. Second of all, this conversation is over, 'cause I'm going to kill you now. Turn you into a piece of furniture.


[Casey grabs his power sander, turns it on and grins victoriously. The batteries die only seconds later, wiping the grin off his face. He looks at it in disbelief]



Vince Grimaldi:
You are so pathetic. You bring a power tool to kill your gym teacher, and you don't get good batteries.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Joseph R. Cooper:
[with Australian accent] How to speak San Franciscan ?


[He pulls Squeak's shorts down, revealing his bottom]



Joseph R. Cooper:
Vagina !

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Invisible Boy:
[after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked] I'm invisible. Can you see me?



The Blue Raja, The Shoveller, Mr. Furious, The Sphinx, The Bowler, The Spleen:
Yes!



Mr. Furious:
Wow.



The Blue Raja:
Two hands there, son.


[Invisible Boy covers up]



The Bowler:
Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[first lines]



Jane Burnham:
I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Someone really should just put him out of his misery.



Ricky Fitts:
You want me to do it?



Jane Burnham:
Yeah. Would you?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Davis:
What do you do?



Sully:
What do you mean "what do I do"?



Davis:
To, like, kick back, have like, Sully fun, what do you do? I sort of picture you... sitting at home in your boxer shorts watching old movies on black and white TV.



Sully:
This is what you do, conjure up images of me in my underwear?



Davis:
I'm not saying it's pretty.



Sully:
You're way off you know.



Davis:
About what?



Sully:
I got a color television.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Karl Thomasson:
Steroids, they pump you up, make you huge, make you feel like you're the master of the universe! But while you're mastering the universe, let me tell about a couple of other things that they can do: They can give you high blood pressure. They can give you coronary disease, kidney disease, cancer of the liver. They can cause impotence, and sterility, not to mention diareaha, acne, hair loss, body odor, and the always popular, withered testicles. Having trouble getting a date on Saturday? Wait till she finds out what you're packing in your shorts when you're doing steroids. Absolutely nothing. Oh hey! And I almost forgot one other minor side effect: they can kill you! Not years from now down the road, but right now, today, this minute. But hey, don't take my word for it. Just ask your classmate Josh Silver. But don't expect and answer any time soon. 'Cause right now, he's on a stainless steel autopsy table in the medical examiner's office, having his organs removed and disected ONE BY ONE. But hey, he sure could bench press couldn't he?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lorelai:
This is a misogynistic truck.



Luke:
What?



Lorelai:
It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up."

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Father Allard:
Who's out there? You must leave this place. Now!



Ash:
All right, all right, keep your shorts on! Are you that Allard guy?



Father Allard:
Yes, I cant believe you survived! I barely made it back here before the woods sealed my exit. Professor Knowby warned me the forest might come to life.



Ash:
Yeah yeah yeah, right about ya back at the cabin. Look the professor really screwed things up didn't he?



Father Allard:
His soul is restless. The events he caused in life way heavenly beyond even death, I've been searching for a way to stop the evil he unleashed.



Ash:
Well, we all have our problems. Listen, you have the book, right?



Father Allard:
Yes, but there are missing pages.



Ash:
Yeah yeah, I've been finding them all over.



Father Allard:
You have them?



Ash:
Yeah, basically.



Father Allard:
All five of them?



Ash:
Look, maybe I don't have every single page, but you gotta understand how hard it is gettin them.



Father Allard:
You must find the remaining pages.



Ash:
Woah woah, hold on padre. I'm not your little boy you know. I got my own things to do.



Father Allard:
Listen to me, find the pages and bring them here, to me. Our salvation lies within those passages. Here, take these. Maybe they'll help you.



Ash:
My car keys. How'd you get em?



Father Allard:
From a girl.



Ash:
A girl? Must be Jenny, where is she, what happened to her?



Father Allard:
I saw her in the woods, taken by the evil. I gave chase, but couldn't keep up. I found these, just before I lost them. She can still be saved, but only if we hurry.



Ash:
Ok, so let me guess, you're just gunna hide behind your big gate till I come back, right?



Father Allard:
The evil still lurks in the woods. Very dangerous. But now that you over come that tree, it should much easier to navigate



Ash:
But still too dangerous for you huh?



Father Allard:
Rrright, meet me here when you have the rest of the pages. Now go, quickly!



Ash:
Hey, let's get this one thing straight! I don't like being ordered around, ok ya got me padre?


[Ash looks around the big garden, being deserted]



Ash:
PADRE? Yeah, nice hat!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Yen practices the vault somersault]



Turk Malloy:
Ten says he shorts it.



Frank, Livingston, Saul:
Twenty!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Capt. Stottlemeyer:
You looking forward to our little party Alice?



Alice Westergren:
How long do these things usually last?



Capt. Stottlemeyer:
Well, last year Karen and I left at about 2:00 in the morning and Terry was still standing on a table in his boxer shorts singing "Help Me Rhonda" in Spanish.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[investigating the disappearance of a boxer]



Samantha:
I don't get it. You get beat in the head for a living, and you make money only to have your manager steal it. What's the point?



Danny:
Boxing does have its benefits.



Samantha:
What? Wearing satin shorts to work?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[outside Mason's open window]



Tracy:
[talking to dog in baby voice] Oh Hampton, he's my baby, yes...



Evie:
[walks in front of Mason's window] Hey Mason!


[pulls thong up over shorts while shaking her butt]



Evie:
move ya g-string down South!



Tracy:
Gross! That's my brother!



Evie:
[giggling while walking away with Tracy] Relax! Maybe I'll marry into the family.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lloyd:
Whoa! Look at Jessica, look at her milk bubbles, and her shorts are really short!



Harry Dunne:
I know...



Lloyd:
Yea, last time I wore shorts that short, I got beat up!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
When I had people scratchin' my shorts a bit, it played better. We lost a bit of that in all the personnel changes and it's an element we need to get back.More [02/17/2009 12:02:00]
We've got our football where no one wears anything and the guys are in little shorts and they beat the crap out of each other, and they can catch it and they can kick it, and it's the only place it's played in the world.More [08/23/2011 05:08:41]
It's just an ice bucket with a bottle in it. The two flute glasses are little tray. I got to shut the curtains. I'm in my boxer shorts and shirt. I'm going to take a bath and go to bed. But I want to shut the blinds so it's really dark in the room.More [09/20/2011 06:09:47]
I've gone through stages where I hate my body so much that I won't even wear shorts and a bra in my house because if I pass a mirror, that's the end of my day.More [11/12/2011 06:11:43]
When I went on my first run about two months after having my first child in 1998, I didn't get more than half a block before realizing that my shorts were soaked. I was very upset. As an athlete, I was used to being active and not having anything slow me down. Now I had to worry about leaking, while trying to return to the active lifestyle I was used to.More [07/07/2012 06:07:28]
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.More [07/08/2012 08:07:15]
Mrs [Fanny] Blankers-Koen [who won four golds at the Games] with her orange shorts and her fair floating hair, striding home time and again to victory, with all the irresistible surge of the great men sprinters, and stealing half their thunder.More [08/23/2012 10:08:12]
In the summer I wear shorts with a bright top and ankle boots or just sandals. I'll add a nice scarf, maybe a hat, some cool sunglasses. It's all about the accessories.More [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Tennis takes care of everything. It requires agility and quickness to get to the ball, core strength to get power into your shorts and stamina to last for an entire match. In addition to toning your arms and shoulders, it's a total body workout for your legs and abs, and works your heart and core unlike any other sport.More [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Success sometimes can really bite you in the shorts.More [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I want my handbags and my shoes to be stylish but I want to make sure that they're versatile. I travel and I have to make sure the pieces I put into my bag can go with a dress or with shorts or jeans.More [03/12/2018 02:03:32]

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Quotes of the month

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