report

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report

If the sexual revolution has been a medical disaster, socially it has been a catastrophe. Why do the media not report and explore the tragic results of the sexual revolution? Because many are collaborators.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as, Candle making industry threatened.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
We seldom report of having eaten too little.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
The conflict between the men who make and the men who report the news is as old as time. News may be true, but it is not truth, and reporters and officials seldom see it the same way. In the old days, the reporters or couriers of bad news were often put to the gallows; now they are given the Pulitzer Prize, but the conflict goes on.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
I am often mad, but I would hate to be nothing but mad: and I think I would lose what little value I may have as a writer if I were to refuse, as a matter of principle, to accept the warming rays of the sun, and to report them, whenever, and if ever, theyMore [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
May, Ryan: [during pyramid presentation] Now that we are introducing the paintings, doesn't that involve a product, so don't we have to report that to the IRS?
Tony Shannon- IRS CI: [not knowing how to answer the question] I think we need to wrap this up now. Some of these questions are getting ridiculous. It's just turning into a pissing match.More [08/02/2005 12:08:00]
Alfred Pennyworth: When you told me your grand plan for saving Gotham, the only thing that stopped me from calling the men in white coats was when you said that it wasn't about thrill-seeking.
Bruce Wayne: It's not.
Alfred Pennyworth: What would you call *that*?
[points to a TV news report showing a helicopter shot of the Batmobile being chased down the freeway by police cars]
Bruce Wayne: [as he fixes his tie] Damn good television.More [08/15/2005 12:08:00]
I don't make jokes.I just watch the government and report the facts.More [08/27/2005 12:08:00]
Ron Burgundy: [Ron Burgundy and Champ Kind making prank phone calls to Veronica Corningstone] This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what. You got knocked up.More [08/28/2005 12:08:00]
Mooney: We had a report of a possible kidnapping. You haven't been kidnapped today, have you?More [09/14/2005 12:09:00]
[Ruth is the on phone after seeing a news report about her]
Ruth: You wanna send a message? I ain't no fucking telegram, bitch!
[pause]
Ruth: Nothing's wrong! I'm fine now. You think I'm a fool. You're the fool, cause guess what? This is a war and Diane's a spy. How bout that?
[pause]
Ruth: Now you're catching on!
[pause]
Ruth: Oh yeah! Well you're a cunt!More [09/28/2005 12:09:00]
Ray Ferrier: [playing catch with Robbie] Mom says you got a report due on Monday?
Robbie Ferrier: Yeah, I've already written it, I just gotta finish typing it.
Ray Ferrier: Yeah, bullshit.
Robbie Ferrier: Yeah? So what do you know, Ray?
Ray Ferrier: Everything. Between me and my brother, we know everything.
Rachel Ferrier: What is the capital of Australia?
Ray Ferrier: That's one my brother knows.
Robbie Ferrier: I'm sure you've got a laugh out of the first hundred times you've told that one, Ray.
Ray Ferrier: Just do your report, we don't send you to school so you can flunk out.
Robbie Ferrier: You don't pay for it, Tim does.
Ray Ferrier: [hesitates furiously for a second, then throws the ball really hard at Robbie, Robbie catches it hardly] That's half of what I got.
Robbie Ferrier: You're an asshole.
[throws the ball hard at Ray]
Robbie Ferrier: I hate coming here.
Ray Ferrier: Yeah? Well why do you always act like such a dick?
[throws the ball super hard, but Robbie steps out of the way and allows the ball to crash through the window]More [10/31/2005 12:10:00]
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: For most problems the marine is issued a solution. If ill, go to sickbay. If wounded, call corpsman. If dead, report to graves registration. If losing his mind, however, no standard solution exists.More [11/11/2005 12:11:00]
We're given the springboard of the text, a plane ticket, told to report to Alabama, and there's a group of people all ready to make a film and it's a marvelous life.More [04/06/2006 12:04:00]
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”More [06/20/2006 12:06:00]
“That is really the biggest objection. It really cuts off parents from being able to access report cards.”More [08/03/2006 12:08:00]
Carson Ward: It's sweeps month. Ratings mean everything. People want human interest stories, like the one you did yesterday.
Cindy: The report on breast augmentation? It was just ten minutes of topless women. People want hard hitting stories, and indepth coverage, and, and...
Carson Ward: And TWINS.
[news room suddenly converts into nightclub and the Coors Light twins appear]More [02/22/2007 12:02:00]
M: Who the hell do they think they are? I report to the Prime Minister and even he's smart enough not to ask me what we do. Have you ever seen such a bunch of self-righteous, ass-covering prigs? They don't care what we do; they care what we get photographed doing. And how the hell could Bond be so stupid? I give him double-O status and he celebrates by shooting up an embassy. Is the man deranged? And where the hell is he? In the old days if an agent did something that embarrassing he'd have a good sense to defect. Christ, I miss the Cold War.More [02/23/2007 12:02:00]
April: Oh, Casey, hi.
Casey Jones: Hi? I just made Mike Tyson look like a sissy and all you can say is "Hi"?
April: You don't need an ambulance, do you?
Casey Jones: No, but...
April: Just shut up and kiss me, OK? I got a report to do.
Casey Jones: I love it when you're pushy.
April: Yeah?
[they kiss]More [03/20/2007 12:03:00]
[Moneypenny is typing a disinformative newspaper report in her office, when 007 walks in]
Miss Moneypenny: James...
[They begin to make out, when all of a sudden... ]
Q: [walking in] Moneypenny?
[Moneypenny sits up and in reality is in the virtual reality simulation centre]
Miss Moneypenny: Um... I was... just testing it out.
[She blushes and buttons her blouse]
Q: It's rather hard, isn't it?
Miss Moneypenny: Yes... very...More [03/28/2007 12:03:00]
[after a meeting with Darth Sidious]
Rune Haako: You didn't tell him about the missing Jedi.
Nute Gunray: No need to report that to him until we have something to report!More [04/02/2007 12:04:00]
police dispatcher: [on Cosmo's police radio] Attention all units. Transit police report officer down at Balbo Station. Kimble is suspect! Repeat; Officer Down!
Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard: What'd he do, shoot a cop?
Cosmo Renfro: Chicago PD will eat him alive!More [04/06/2007 12:04:00]
Deckard: The report read "Routine retirement of a replicant." That didn't make me feel any better about shooting a woman in the back.More [04/06/2007 12:04:00]
[Stan's report on "Asian Culture."]
Stan: Asian culture has plagued our fragile earth for many years. We must end it.More [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Newscaster: Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini.More [05/03/2007 12:05:00]
Evey Hammond: [watching a news report about Prothero's death] V, yesterday I couldn't find my ID. You didn't take it, did you?
V: Would you prefer a lie or the truth?
Evey Hammond: Did you have anything to do with... that?
V: Yes, I killed him.
Evey Hammond: You...? Oh god.
V: You're upset.
Evey Hammond: I'm upset? You just said you killed Lewis Prothero!
V: I might have killed the fingerman who attacked you, but I heard no objection then.
Evey Hammond: What?
V: Violence can be used for good.
Evey Hammond: What are you talking about?
V: Justice.
Evey Hammond: Oh. And are you going to kill more people?
V: Yes.More [05/21/2007 12:05:00]
George York: [Alice York just got hit by a car] The driver of every motor vehicle involved in any matter of an accident originating between the operation of a vehicle shall within ten days of the accident, report the accident.More [06/10/2007 12:06:00]
Raoul Duke: How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?More [06/12/2007 12:06:00]
Dr. Jack Michler: Sadly, I must report that the last patient I ever treated, the great lover Don Juan DeMarco, suffered from a romanticism which was completely incurable, and even worse, highly contagious.More [06/12/2007 12:06:00]
[last lines]
[Gracie in Priscilla's classroom so Priscilla can read book report on Gracie]
Gracie Hart: Priscilla,
[stutters]
Gracie Hart: what do, what do we want?
Priscilla: World Peace.
[smiles]
Gracie Hart: [Nods and smiles] World peace. And... the strength to hold fast to your beliefs... while society's forcing you to conform to some barbie doll image, know what I'm saying?
[Says to boy at table next to her who gives her a look like he thinks she's crazy]
Gracie Hart: [Stutters] You don't, you don't know what I'm saying? Ok, well... it's, it's mostly, um...
[looks at Priscilla]
Gracie Hart: it's mostly world peace.
[smiles at Priscilla]
Priscilla: [Smiles at Gracie] Snorts
[snort sounds like Gracie when she laughs]
Priscilla: [then large grin]
[Gracie winks at Priscilla]More [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Graham Hess: You're wasting your time here. I'm not going to report this or anything you do to my crops to the police or news or anybody. You're not going to get famous.More [06/28/2007 12:06:00]
[first lines]
Porter: [voiceover] GSW: that's what the hospitals call it: gunshot wound. Doctor has to report it to the police. That makes it hard for guys in my line to get what I call, quality health care.More [06/29/2007 12:06:00]
Optimus Prime: Ironhide, report to me at once.
Ironhide: Every time I look into a monitor Prime, my circuts sizzle. When are we going to start busting Deceptichops?
Optimus Prime: I want you to make a special run to Autobot City on earth.
Ironhide: But Prime.
Optimus Prime: Listen Ironhide... We don't have enough energon cubes to power a full-scale assault.More [07/16/2007 12:07:00]
Purifier: [to Riddick] I was supposed to deliver a message to you... if the Vaako failed to kill you. A message from the Lord Marshal himself. He tells you to stay away from Helion, stay away from him, and in return, you'll be hunted no more. But Vaako will most likely report you as dead. So this is your chance. Your chance to do what no man has ever done.More [07/21/2007 12:07:00]
Kevin Calhoun: You keep looking at that thing as if it weren't kosher.
Abe Goodman: A cut of meat is kosher. A piece of fish, savory foods, and all kinds of dang things are kosher, but a probation report is not kosher. A probation report is merely a probation report.
Kevin Calhoun: I am a good Louisiana lapsed Catholic, Abe, so just don't talk to me about kosher, just give it to me straight. What's wrong with this report?
Abe Goodman: It's too kosher.
[pause]
Kevin Calhoun: Translate that for me.
Abe Goodman: Uhhhhh, the virgin looks pregnant to me. - Look, see, the supervisor signed this.
Kevin Calhoun: So what?
Abe Goodman: That's a lot of weight for a 4C. So what happened to the original little probation officer? Where is his signature?More [07/22/2007 12:07:00]
Mr. Green: But this is ridiculous. If he were such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?
Wadsworth: He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money off of it. What could be more American than that?More [07/24/2007 12:07:00]
Mel: Which reminds me, where's your report card?
Cher: It's not ready yet.
Mel: What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
Cher: Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.More [07/24/2007 12:07:00]
I don’t like al-Qaeda, I don’t think it helps to report on them, they just like to hear their name. So here, I will not report on themMore [07/31/2007 12:07:00]
Rachel Constantine: I assume you read the confidential findings report from the investigating committee.
Michael Kitz: I flipped through it.
Rachel Constantine: I was especially interested in the section on Arroway's video unit. The one that recorded the static?
Michael Kitz: Continue.
Rachel Constantine: The fact that it recorded static isn't what interests me.
Michael Kitz: [pauses] Continue.
Rachel Constantine: What interests me is that it recorded approximately eighteen hours of it.
Michael Kitz: That is interesting, isn't it?More [08/01/2007 12:08:00]
I have to report to you that as of this morning, there is no evidence of troops withdrawing from Kosovo. Indeed, the reports we have suggest that the fighting continuesMore [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
Tony made no attempt to pretend that what (then-chief U.N. weapons inspector) Hans Blix might report would make any difference to the countdown to invasionMore [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
[The subtext of Danforth’s report was that if the Waco episode had any valuable lesson, it was that government should come clean about what it knows. When federal authorities refused to admit early on that three pyrotechnic rounds had been fired at the Mount Carmel compound, it tainted their credibility.] We want them to learn from this experience the importance of candor, even about very small things, … Yet government officials were not open enough then: They weren’t candid enough, they didn’t tell, they knew things and they didn’t disclose those things, and the result of that is that those who want to believe the worst about government say, ‘Aha, this is something that is really bad.’ And if government lies about one thing, it will lie about everything, so everything is suspicious. I think the lesson is that government has to be open.More [09/02/2007 12:09:00]
John McClane: [to terrorists in a tunnel] Hi, Mickey O'Brien, aqueduct security. We've had a report of a guy coming through here with, uh, eight reindeer.
[McClane shoots the terrorists]
John McClane: Yeah, they said he was a jolly old fat guy with a snowy white beard. Cute red clothes. I'm surprised you didn't see him.More [09/05/2007 12:09:00]
Lt. Comd. Dodge: Oh gee. Now I've gone and done it, ruined my career.
Captain Carl Knox: [Reading a radio message] Apparently not. This is just in from COMSUBLANT. You're to report to Norfolk immediately... to take command of your own submarine.
Lt. Comd. Dodge: That's not funny.
Captain Carl Knox: No, it's not. That's why they decoded it twice.More [09/23/2007 12:09:00]
Robbie Preston: [Mutes TV] John?
John Preston: Yes?
Robbie Preston: I saw Robbie Taylor crying today. He didn't know, but I saw. Do you think I should report him?
John Preston: Unquestionably.More [10/14/2007 12:10:00]
[over the P.A. system after attacking Principal Drake]
Coach Willis: [menicingly] Would Miss Drake please report to the Principal's Office?More [10/26/2007 12:10:00]
Narrator: As Bush sat in that Florida classroom, was he wondering if maybe he should have shown up to work more often? Should he have held at least one meeting since taking office to discuss the threat of terrorism with his head of counter terrorism? Or maybe Mr. Bush was wondering why he had cut terrorism funding from the FBI. Or perhaps he just should have read the security briefing that was given to him on August 6, 2001 that said that Osama bin Laden was planning to attack America by hijacking airplanes. Or maybe he wasn't worried about the terrorist threat because the title of the report was too vague.
[cut to 9/11 Commission hearing, where Condoleeza Rice is testifying]
Condoleezza Rice: I believe the title of the report was 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.'
Narrator: A report like that might make some men jump, but as in days passed, George W. just went fishing. As the minutes went by, George Bush continued to sit in the classroom. Was he thinking, "I've been hanging out with the wrong crowd. Which one of them screwed me? Was it the man my daddy's friends delivered a lot of weapons to? Was it that group of religious fundamentalists who visited my state when I was governor? Or was it the Saudis? Damn, it was them."
[an image of Saddam Hussein appears onscreen]
Narrator: [as George W. Bush] I think I better blame it on this guy.More [10/28/2007 12:10:00]
Kaffee: [Kaffee is questioning Kendrick about Dawson's refusal to discipline PFC Curtis Bell, which led to his bad pro-con report rating] Lt. Kendrick, was Lance Corporal Dauson given a below average rating on this last report because you learned he had been sneaking food to Private Bell?
Capt. Ross: Object!
Judge Randolph: Not so fast. Leutenant?
Lt. Kendrick: Lance Corporal Dawson was given a below average rating because he had committed a crime.
Kaffee: A crime? What crime did he commit? Leutenant? Dawson brought a hungry guy some food... what crime did he commit?
Lt. Kendrick: He disobeyed an order!
Kaffee: And because he did. Because he exercised his own set of values. Because he made a decision about the welfare of another Marine which was in conflict with an order of yours he was punished. Isn't that right.
Lt. Kendrick: Lance Corporal Dawson disobeyed an order!
Kaffee: Yeah, but it wasn't a real order, was it? I mean it's peace time. He wasn't being asked to secure a hill or advance on a beach head. Surely a Marine of Dawson's intelligence can be trusted to determine, on his own, which are the really important orders and which orders might, say, be morally questionable? Leutenant? Can he? Can Dawson determine on his own which orders he's going to follow?
Lt. Kendrick: No, he cannot.
Kaffee: A lesson he learned after the Curtis Bell incident, am I right?
Lt. Kendrick: I would think so.
Kaffee: You know so don't you, Leutenant.
Capt. Ross: Object!
Judge Randolph: Sustained.
Kaffee: Leutenant Kendrick, one final question. If you had order Dawson to give Santiago a code red...
Lt. Kendrick: [Interrupting] I specifically ordered those men not...
Lt. Kendrick: ...would it be reasonalble to think he would have disobeyed you again?
Capt. Ross: Leutenant, don't answer that question!
Kaffee: You don't have to, I'm through.
Capt. Ross: Leutenant Kendrick, did you order Lance Corporal Dawson and Private Downey to give Willie Santiago a code red? Leutenant, did you...
Lt. Kendrick: No, I did not!More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Kaffee: Leutenant, in your opinion was Private Santiago a good Marine?
Lt. Kendrick: I would say he was about average.
Kaffee: Leutenant, you signed three Proficiancy and Conduct reports on Santiago and in all three reports you indicate a rating of below average.
Lt. Kendrick: Yes, Private Santiago was below average. I did not see the need to trample on a man's grave.
Kaffee: Well, we appreciate that but you are under oath now and I think as unpleasant as it may be we'd all just as soon hear the truth.
Lt. Kendrick: I am aware of my oath.
Kaffee: Leutenant, these are the last three Pro-Con reports you signed for Lance Corporal Dawson. Dawson received two marks of exceptional, however, on this most recent report dated June 9th of this year he received a rating of below average. It's this last report I'd like to discuss for a moment.
Lt. Kendrick: That would be fine.
Kaffee: Lance Corporal Dawson's ranking following the school of infantry was perfect. Records indicate that more than half that class has been promoted to full Corporal while Dawson has remained a Lance Corporal. Was Dawson's promotion held up because if this last report?
Lt. Kendrick: I'm sure it was.
Kaffee: Do you recall why Dawson was given such a poor grade on this last report?
Lt. Kendrick: I'm sure I don't. I have many men in my charge, Leutenant. I write many reports.
Kaffee: Leutenant, do you recall an incident involving a PFC Curtis Bell who had been found stealing liquor from the Officer's Club?
Lt. Kendrick: Yes, I do.
Kaffee: Did you report Private Bell to the proper authorities?
Lt. Kendrick: I have two books at my bedside, Leutenant, the Marine Corps Code of Conduct and the King James Bible. The only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and the Lord our God.
Kaffee: At your request, Leutenant, I can have the record reflect you lack of acknowledgement of this court as a proper authority.
Capt. Ross: Objection. Arguementative.
Judge Randolph: Sustained. Watch yourself, Counselor.
Kaffee: Did you report Private Bell to your superiors?
Lt. Kendrick: I remember thinking very highly of Private Bell, of not wanted to see his record tarnished by a formal charge.
Kaffee: You preferred that it be handled withing the unit.
Lt. Kendrick: Yes, I most certainly did.
Kaffee: Leutenant do you know what a Code Red is?
Lt. Kendrick: Yes, I do.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
[Punches Grant, who doesn't flinch, in the gut with brass knuckles]
Rosa Klebb: He seems fit enough. Have him report to me in Istanbul in 24 hours.More [12/04/2007 12:12:00]
Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart: You wish to see me, sir?
General Robert E. Lee: [Lee nods and sighs; there is a short pause] It is the opinion of some... excellent officers that you have let us all down.
Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart: [angry at the slight to his honor] General Lee, sir, if you will please tell me who these gentlemen are...
General Robert E. Lee: There will be none of that. There is no time.
Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart: Sir, I only ask that I be allowed to defend my...
General Robert E. Lee: [raising his voice slightly] There is no time.
[Stuart looks stunned]
General Robert E. Lee: General Stuart... your mission was to free this army from the enemy cavalry and report any movement by the enemy's main body. That mission was not fulfilled. You left here with no word of your movement or movement of the enemy for several days. Meanwhile, we were engaged here and drawn into battle without adequate knowledge of the enemy's strength or position, without knowledge of the ground. So it is only by God's grace that we did not meet disaster here.
Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart: General Lee, there were reasons...
General Robert E. Lee: [Lee holds up his hand to silence Stuart] Perhaps you misunderstood my orders? Perhaps I did not make myself clear. Well, sir... this must be made *very* clear. You, sir, with your cavalry, are the eyes of this army. Without your cavalry, we are made blind. That has already happened once. It must never, *never* happen again.
Maj. Gen. J.E.B. Stuart: [Stuart stares at the floor, then slowly draws his sword in token of his resignation] Sir... since I no longer hold the General's...
General Robert E. Lee: [suddenly furious, Lee pounds the table with his fist] I have *told* you, there is no time for that! There is no time!
[he pauses, takes a deep breath, and calms down again]
General Robert E. Lee: There is another fight comin' tomorrow, and we need you. We need every man, God knows. You must take what I have told you, and learn from it, as a man does.
[he takes Stuart's sword and replaces it in its scabbard]
General Robert E. Lee: There has been a mistake. It will not happen again; I know your quality. You are one of the finest cavalry officers I have ever known, and your service to this army has been invaluable. Now... let us speak no more of this.
[he turns and slowly walks away, then turns back to Stuart]
General Robert E. Lee: The matter is concluded. Good night, General.
[not knowing what to think of this show of mercy, Stuart snaps a crisp salute, and Lee returns it]More [12/12/2007 12:12:00]
Elliot Hopper: [answering phone] Hello?
Stuart: Hi, Mr. Hopper?
Elliot Hopper: Yes, I'll go get Danny for you.
Stuart: No, it is you that I want to talk to.
[pause]
Stuart: You see, I know you're an alien.
Elliot Hopper: [leans closer to phone] Say what?
Stuart: I want $50,000 in small-unmarked bills or else I go to the FBI and report you.More [12/16/2007 12:12:00]
Hawkins: Ah, I just finished taking a report down at Whittlesey Motors. It seems somebody ripped-off a Manta.
Maindrian Pace: What's a Manta?
Hawkins: The thirty-fifth expensive car stolen in three days! You heard about that, didn't you?
Maindrian Pace: Listen, all I hear is the insurance companies screaming at us every time they lose a lousy dime.More [12/28/2007 12:12:00]
Censor #1: [Adrian sees the story about the bombing that he witnessed and he starts taking it to the control room, going past the two censors] What do you think you're doing? You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked by this office.
Adrian Cronauer: What was there to check? I was there.
Censor #1: You know the rules, airman. If this is a legitimate news story, it must go through proper channels.
Adrian Cronauer: Look, tweedledee, it's an actual event.
[referring to the blood on his shirt]
Adrian Cronauer: What do you think this came from? Shaving? It's the truth. I just want to report the truth. It'll be a nice change of pace.
Sgt. Major Dickerson: What's going on here?
Adrian Cronauer: Sir, will you listen to me?
Sgt. Major Dickerson: [reads the story] This is not official news, airman. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
Adrian Cronauer: It did happen.
Sgt. Major Dickerson: You shut your mouth!
Adrian Cronauer: What are you afraid of Dickerson? People might find out there's a war going on?
Sgt. Major Dickerson: This news is not official.
Adrian Cronauer: You wanna know the assumption is perfectly safe around here? Well, it's not. The fighting's not in the hills, it's downtown. It's a
[shouts]
Adrian Cronauer: couple of fucking blocks!
Sgt. Major Dickerson: I said it's none of your goddamn business!
Adrian Cronauer: I see your point. I'm sorry. Once I get inside and hit these air conditioners I get a little dizzy. Thanks for setting me straight.More [12/30/2007 12:12:00]
Chunk: Hello, Sheriff's Office? I'd like to report a murder!
Sheriff: Hold on, hold on a minute. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Listen, Sheriff, I know I've jerked you around before, but this is for real now. I'm in the Fratellis' basement, with this guy...
Sloth: Rocky Road? Heh Heh!
Sheriff: Yeah, like that time you told me about the fifty Iraniana terrorists who took over all the Sizzler steakhouses in the city?
Chunk: Sloth, get back here! Sloth!
Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
[as Chunk follows Sloth, the phone cord rips out of the wall. The Sheriff hears a dial tone]
Sheriff: Lawrence?More [01/03/2008 12:01:00]
Hermione Granger: What's wrong with your hand?
[looks at the cuts]
Harry Potter: Nothing.
Hermione Granger: You've got to tell Dumbledore!
Harry Potter: No. Dumbledore's got enough on his mind right now. Anyway, I don't want to give Umbridge the satisfaction.
Ron Weasley: Bloody hell, Harry, the woman's torturing you! If the parents knew about this...
Harry Potter: Yeah, well I haven't got any of those, have I Ron?
Hermione Granger: Harry, you've got to report this! It's perfectly simple, you're being...
Harry Potter: No, it's not! Hermione whatever this is, it's not simple. You don't understand.
Hermione Granger: Then help us to!More [02/08/2008 12:02:00]
Lars: [over the PA] Pat Finley, please report to the men's toilet. Bring a mop and a plunger... now!More [03/03/2008 12:03:00]
[opening narration]
Professor Alexander Saxton: The following report to the Royal Geological Society by the undersigned, Alexander Saxton, is a true and faithful account of events that befell the Society's expedition in Manchuria. As the leader of the expedition, I must accept responsibility for its ending in disaster, but I leave to the judgement of the honorable members of the Society the decision as to where the blame for the catastrophe lies.More [03/28/2008 12:03:00]
Teacher: Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.
Jessica Spencer: That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.
Eden: [Everyone laugh as Eden chants] Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradumus!More [03/28/2008 12:03:00]
Lt. Commander Block: Every aerial photo and recon report indicate a defensive arsenal in the D, and perhaps negative C, categories. There's also some anti-aircraft squadrons. They can send up an ack-ack umbrella high enough to make any attack ineffective.
Admiral Benson: I don't have a clue what you're talkin' about, Phil. Not a fucking clue. I have a shell the size of a fist in my head. Pork Chop Hill. The only way I can make this goddamn toupee to stay on is by magnetizing the entire upper left quadrant of my skull, so you just go ahead and do what you do.More [03/30/2008 12:03:00]

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Quotes of the month

Alexey Suslov The more stupid the person, the stronger the moth's appetites. [11/02/2022 01:11:05] More


Vit Neo People show miracles of ingenuity creating problems for themselves. [11/06/2022 01:11:14] More


Author Unknown God even creates problems creatively [11/07/2022 12:11:24] More


Vladimir Putin If today the new United States Secretary of Defense announces to us here that the United States will not hide these extra charges [of nuclear weapons] either in warehouses, or “under the pillow”, or “under the covers”, I invite everyone to stand and stand to greet this. [11/25/2022 08:11:19] More


Author Unknown Because of the speeches of leading politicians on the central channels, circuses suffer terrible losses. [11/26/2022 09:11:25] More