client

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client

Never say no when a client asks for something, even if it is the moon. You can always try, and anyhow there is plenty of time afterwards to explain that it was not possible.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Junk is the ideal product... the ultimate merchandise. No sales talk necessary. The client will crawl through a sewer and beg to buy.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
A client is to me a mere unit, a factor in a problem.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
The lack of opportunity is ever the excuse of a weak, vacillating mind. Opportunities! Every life is full of them. Every newspaper article is an opportunity. Every client is an opportunity. Every sermon is an opportunity. Every business transaction is an opportunity -- an opportunity to be polite -- an opportunity to be manly -- an opportunity to be honest -- an opportunity to make friends.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Rob Newhouse: You know, minimum security prison is no picnic. I had a client in there once. He said the trick is kick someone's ass the first day, or become somebody's bitch. Then everything will be all right. More [07/25/2005 12:07:00]
Jerry Ford raised the models' agency fee from 10 percent to 20 percent. He invented the client fee.More [09/12/2006 12:09:00]
I'd rather be treated like any other model - being booked because a client likes the look of me, not because I'm size 16 with big tits. There's nothing sexual about model's typical androgynous skinniness.More [01/18/2007 12:01:00]
Lightning McQueen: Harv! How you doin', buddy?
Harv: How am I doing? My star client disappears off the face of the earth! How do you think I'm doing?
Lightning McQueen: Harv, I'm sorry, I...
Harv: I'm doing great! You're everywhere! TV, radio, the papers. You can't BUY this kind of publicity! What do you need me for? That's just a figure of speech, by the way. You signed a contract.More [03/22/2007 12:03:00]
Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Velma Kelly: And then some.
Bailiff: Take a seat.
Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison: Would you state your name for the record, please?
Velma Kelly: Velma Kelly.
Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison: Ms. Kelly, would you please tell the court if the object that I am holding is the one you happened to come across in the defendant's jail cell?
Velma Kelly: Yes, it is.
Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison: I submit this as Exhibit X - Roxie Hart's diary!
Billy Flynn: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie Hart: Yeah, AND she broke the lock!More [07/17/2007 12:07:00]
Billy Flynn: My client feels that it was a combination of liquor and jazz that led to the downfall.More [07/17/2007 12:07:00]
Velma Kelly: You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.
Roxie: What's that supposed to mean?
Velma Kelly: It means, don't let him hog the spot-light when you're the one they paid to see.More [07/17/2007 12:07:00]
[Pedro is a suspect]
Horatio Caine: Gentlemen, may I?
Lawyer: Be kind, Horatio.
Horatio Caine: As always. All right, now, Pedro, the gun we found in your room has tied you to two murders.
Lawyer: But possession doesn't make my client the killer.
Horatio Caine: We also have your skin cells on the tourniquet you used.
Lawyer: ALLEGEDLY used.
Horatio Caine: Allegedly used.
[turns to the Lawyer]
Horatio Caine: Now, are you going to rebut everything I'm saying?
Lawyer: Yes.
Horatio Caine: Excellent.More [07/22/2007 12:07:00]
Ethan Thomas: So, the judge thinks we should offer your client a new plea agreement. Apparently she thinks the community would be better served without this trial.
Erin Bruner: How do you feel about it, personally?
Ethan Thomas: My job is to represent the interest of the people, make an effort to be objective.
Erin Bruner: Hm. I ask because I know you're a Churchgoer. Now you're sent to prosecute a man of God.
Ethan Thomas: Your priest broke the law and a young girl is dead. If he's a man of God then personally I think he's even more subject to the laws of moral behavior and punishment. If it were up to me he'd get no deal at all.
Erin Bruner: What about forgiveness and compassion? Isn't that part of your Creed or does that just get in the way of your work?
Ethan Thomas: If you have compassion for your client, counselor, you'll persuade him to accept this: Charges reduced to reckless endangerment, 12 months in a county jail, reducible to 6 plus probation if he can stay out of trouble. Somehow I expect he can manage that, but please understand me... if he refuses I will seek the maximum.More [10/24/2007 12:10:00]
Kaffee: Joe, if you speak to a client of mine again without my permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?
Galloway: I had authorization.
Kaffee: From who?
Galloway: Downey's only living relative Ginny Miller his aunt on his mother's side.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?
Galloway: I gave her a call like you asked. She's a very nice woman we spoke for nearly an hour.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny.
Galloway: Perfectly within my providence.
Kaffee: Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We could hold the trial there. I can sew the costumes. Maybe his Uncle Goober could be the judge.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Kaffee: It was oregano, Dave, it was ten dollars worth of oregano.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Yeah, well, your client thought it was marijuana.
Kaffee: My client's a moron, that's not against the law.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Kaffee, I have people to answer to just like you do. Now, I'm gonna charge him.
Kaffee: With what, possession of a condiment?
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Kaffee...
Kaffee: Look, Dave, I tried to help you out of this but if you ask for jail time I'm going to file a motion to dismiss.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: You won't get it.
Kaffee: I will get it. And, if the MTD is denied I'll file a motion seeking limiting of an evidentary hearing in advance and then I'm going to file against pre-trial confinement and you're going to spend the next 3 months going blind on paperwork because a Signalman Second Class bought and smoked a dime bag of oregano.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: B misdemeanor, 20 days in the brig.
Kaffee: C misdemeanor, 15 days restricted duty.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: I don't know why I'm agreeing to this.
Kaffee: Because you have wisdom beyond your years.More [11/05/2007 12:11:00]
Dr Ray Stantz: Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.
Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!
Dr. Egon Spengler: It's not the *girl*, Peter, it's the *building*.More [12/14/2007 12:12:00]
Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, who paid us in advance, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a *very slim* chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! LET'S DO IT!More [12/14/2007 12:12:00]
Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the polarity flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, *who paid us in advance*, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a *very slim* chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!More [12/14/2007 12:12:00]
Brad Stand: Hey, welcome. You like my new office?
Bernard Jaffe: Let's start with the method.
Brad Stand: Let's start with the method.
Vivian Jaffe: We'd like to discuss...
Brad Stand: We'd like to discuss...
Bernard Jaffe: Okay, what are you doing?
Brad Stand: Okay, what are you doing?
Bernard Jaffe: What are you doing?
Brad Stand: [chuckling] I'm jokin' around, guys. But seriously, I want to quit the process with you. Nothing personal. I appreciate what you've done for me, but I'm over it.
Vivian Jaffe: You can't quit until the case is over.
Brad Stand: Ah, I can fire you.
Bernard Jaffe: No, you can't.
Brad Stand: Sure I can.
Bernard Jaffe: No, you can't. Paragraph 201. "Neither client nor detective may terminate case prior to resolution as defined by paragraph 314, subclause 'd'." Which states...
Brad Stand: That's not binding.
Bernard Jaffe: Oh, it's binding.
Brad Stand: I'll find a lawyer. Or maybe even go to the FBI. How 'bout that?
Bernard Jaffe: Go ahead.
Brad Stand: Oh, I will. I'm not kidding.
Vivian Jaffe: Brad, this is how it works. You go to the police. You tell them you went to the existential detectives. They ask why. You say, "For personal reasons." Or, maybe you wanted to work the politics at your corporation by rattling Albert Markovski.
Brad Stand: I never told you that.
Bernard Jaffe: Well, give us a little credit.
Vivian Jaffe: The police go to Huckabees. They talk to them. The board learns that rising star, Brad Stand, has weird existential issues. Or he fakes them.
Bernard Jaffe: Which is odd.
Vivian Jaffe: Which is worse.More [04/07/2008 12:04:00]
Matthew Harrison Brady: But your client is wrong. He is deluded. He has lost his way.
Henry Drummond: It's a shame we don't all possess your positive knowledge of what is right and what is wrong, Mr. Brady.More [04/15/2008 12:04:00]
Judge: [after Drummond asks the judge for permission to withdraw form the case] Colonel Drummond, what reasons can you possibly have?
Henry Drummond: [Indicates the crowd] Well, there are two hundred of them.
[Crowd reacts angrily]
Henry Drummond: And if that's not enough there's one more. I think my client has already been found guilty.
Matthew Harrison Brady: [Rises] Is Mr. Drummond saying that this expression of an honest emotion will in any way influence the court's impartial administration of the law?
Henry Drummond: I say that you cannot administer a wicked law impartially. You can only destroy, you can only punish. And I warn you, that a wicked law, like cholera, destroys every one it touches. Its upholders as well as its defiers.
Judge: Colonel Drummond...
Henry Drummond: Can't you understand? That if you take a law like evolution and you make it a crime to teach it in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the private schools? And tomorrow you may make it a crime to read about it. And soon you may ban books and newspapers. And then you may turn Catholic against Protestant, and Protestant against Protestant, and try to foist your own religion upon the mind of man. If you can do one, you can do the other. Because fanaticism and ignorance is forever busy, and needs feeding. And soon, your Honor, with banners flying and with drums beating we'll be marching backward, BACKWARD, through the glorious ages of that Sixteenth Century when bigots burned the man who dared bring enlightenment and intelligence to the human mind!
Judge: I hope counsel does not mean to imply that this court is bigoted.
Henry Drummond: Well, your honor has the right to hope.
Judge: I have the right to do more than that.
Henry Drummond: You have the power to do more than that.
[the Judge holds Drummond in contempt of court]More [04/15/2008 12:04:00]
Freddy Bender: If you have a proposal to make, let's hear it.
Miles Massey: Well, at this point, my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation.
Freddy Bender: My client's ruled that out.
Miles Massey: My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution to the marriage without prejudice.
Freddy Bender: That's a fart in a stiff wind.
Miles Massey: My client proposes a 30-day cooling-off period.
Freddy Bender: My client feels sufficiently dispassionate.
Miles Massey: My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order.More [04/21/2008 12:04:00]
Miles Massey: All right, so much for the ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy?
[takes a drink of water]
Freddy Bender: My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets.
[Miles spits out some water]
Miles Massey: Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with "Kershner"?
Freddy Bender: "Kershner" does not apply.
Miles Massey: Bring this to trial, we'll see if "Kershner" applies.
Rex: What's "Kershner"?
Miles Massey: Please, let me handle this.
Freddy Bender: "Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey: "Kershner" was in Kentucky?
Freddy Bender: "Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey: All right, Freddy, forget "Kershner". What's your bottom line?
Freddy Bender: Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets.
Miles Massey: What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten "Kershner"?More [04/21/2008 12:04:00]
Ordell Robbie: This you and me talking, is this like a lawyer-client thing, and you can't repeat nothing I tell you?
Max Cherry: You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out.
Ordell Robbie: Well, if we ain't got no - what's that shit called? - confidentiality, why should I tell you a thing?
Max Cherry: Because you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand.
Ordell Robbie: Now why would a stewardess be bringing me fifty grand?
Max Cherry: Now you want me to speculate on what you do. My guess is you're in the drug business, except the money's moving the wrong way. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you.More [04/27/2008 12:04:00]
The Hangman: A difficult client can make things most distressing. Some of them tend to be very hysterical - so inconsiderate.More [05/29/2008 12:05:00]
Harry P. Archer: [Holding a paper announcing his daughter's engagement to Kenneth Marquis] Did you see this?
Kenneth Marquis: I gave out the story.
Harry P. Archer: Did you - ?
Kenneth Marquis: Dad, do I take it that you're not altogether pleased?
Harry P. Archer: Why you -
Taylor: Congratulations, Archer.
Harry P. Archer: Shut up! I'm going to sue your client -
Kenneth Marquis: Oh, Dad, I hope Corliss hasn't inherited your bad temper.
Harry P. Archer: What do you mean by this? Answer me! Answer me.
Kenneth Marquis: Do you think I was just trifling with a good woman's love?
Harry P. Archer: I wouldn't let Corliss marry you if - if - if - Call up and issue a denial!
Taylor: Oh no! All denials will be issued by you. We don't want any breach of promise suits.
Harry P. Archer: I'll have a retraction in the paper by - by - by six o'clock, and maybe earlier if I can get them to print a special edition.
Kenneth Marquis: Very well, if your daughter's happiness is so unimportant to you, I will try to bear up manfully.More [06/16/2008 12:06:00]
[arguing in court after having spent the night together]
Daniel: Are you suggesting that because the number is so large, your client is entitled to more than what was agreed upon in the pre-nup? Because that was not your position last night, assuming you remember last night's... position.More [07/11/2008 12:07:00]
Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?
[shows paper]
Samantha: That's right.
Fletcher: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.
Samantha: Brunette.
Fletcher: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha: I'm a brunette!
Fletcher: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana: Your honor, I object.
Fletcher: You would!
Dana: Bastard!
Fletcher: Hag!
Judge Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha: 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha: No.
Fletcher: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha: 1965.
Fletcher: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?
Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher: Including...?
Dana: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.
Fletcher: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!More [07/15/2008 12:07:00]
Fletcher: The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.More [07/15/2008 12:07:00]
Judge Stevens: Afternoon, Counselors. Are we ready to begin?
Fletcher: No, sir! We are NOT ready to begin, because my client has not arrived!
[Samantha and children enter]
Samantha: [to children] Hurry up! Move it!
Fletcher: [singing] Here she comes to wreck the daaaay!
Judge Stevens: MISTER Reede!
Fletcher: Sorry, Your Honor!More [07/15/2008 12:07:00]
Fletcher: [exclaims] AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client LIED about her age, she was only seventeen when she got married which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent, including?
[looks at Dana]
Dana: Prenuptial agreements.
Fletcher: Prenuptial agreements! This contract is VOID. The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard community property applies and she is entitled to half the marital assests, or $11.395 million dollars. Jordan fades back, shwoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor.
Dana: [breaks pencil]
Judge Stevens: [talks to crows] Quiet. In light of this new evidence, the court must rule in favor of Mrs. Cole. She is hearby awarded half the marital assests.
[pounds gavel]More [07/15/2008 12:07:00]
O'Reilly: We can do this with or without violence, it's up to you. The client pays our medical bills but not yours. Well?
Robert: Oh, without, please.More [07/21/2008 12:07:00]
Dan Ward:
This client of mine, the one I was telling you about...



Jimmy Dolan:
Yes?



Dan Ward:
He wants to see you this afternoon.



Barbara Barry:
We're good!



Jimmy Dolan, Barbara Barry:
[singing] We're good, we're good!



Dan Ward:
Can you be there at three?



Jimmy Dolan:
Can we be there at three?



Jerry Dolan:
Can we be there at three?



Barbara Barry:
We'll be there at five minutes to three!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Norton, Keyes's boss, has just tried, unsuccessfully, to convince a client that her husband's death was a suicide]



Barton Keyes:
You know, you, uh, oughta take a look at the statistics on suicide some time. You might learn a little something about the insurance business.



Edward S. Norton:
Mister Keyes, I was RAISED in the insurance business.



Barton Keyes:
Yeah, in the front office. Come now, you've never read an actuarial table in your life, have you? Why they've got ten volumes on suicide alone. Suicide by race, by color, by occupation, by sex, by seasons of the year, by time of day. Suicide, how committed: by poison, by firearms, by drowning, by leaps. Suicide by poison, subdivided by TYPES of poison, such as corrosive, irritant, systemic, gaseous, narcotic, alkaloid, protein, and so forth. Suicide by leaps, subdivided by leaps from high places, under the wheels of trains, under the wheels of trucks, under the feet of horses, from STEAMBOATS. But, Mr. Norton: Of all the cases on record, there's not one single case of suicide by leap from the rear end of a moving train. And you know how fast that train was going at the point where the body was found? Fifteen miles an hour. Now how can anybody jump off a slow-moving train like that with any kind of expectation that he would kill himself? No, no soap, Mr. Norton. We're sunk, and we'll have to pay through the nose, and you know it.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Title Card:
[first lines]



Title Card:
Martinique, in the summer of 1940, shortly after the fall of France.



Title Card:
Forte de France



Steve:
Morning.



Officer at port:
Good Morning, Captain Morgan. What can I do for you today?



Steve:
Same thing as yesterday.



Officer at port:
You and your client wish to make a temporary exit from the port?



Steve:
*That* is right.



Officer at port:
Name?



Steve:
Ha - Harry Morgan.



Officer at port:
Nationality?



Steve:
Eskimo.



Officer at port:
What?



Steve:
American.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Calhoun is delivering his closing argument in Kingfish's trial]



Algonquin J. Calhoun:
Your honor, you have heard the prosecution tell you that my client is dishonest. Your honor, it's easy for him to say that because my client is a crook!


[Kingfish puts his head in his hands]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ariane Chavasse:
Working on a new case?



Claude Chavasse:
A client from Brussels. His wife ran away to Paris with the chauffeur. I have to find them; the husband wants his car back.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Cathy Brenner:
[while Melanie is playing the piano] I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds.



Melanie Daniels:
Your brother told me.



Lydia Brenner:
Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco. Is that right?



Melanie Daniels:
No, not exactly.


[grabs a cigarette out of an ashtray]



Cathy Brenner:
Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods.



Lydia Brenner:
Cathy!



Cathy Brenner:
Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.



Lydia Brenner:
In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice...



Cathy Brenner:
Aw, Mom, please. I know all that democracy jazz. They're still hoods.


[Mitch comes in]



Cathy Brenner:
He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think?



Melanie Daniels:
[to Mitch] Why did he shoot her?



Mitch Brenner:
He was watching a ball game on television.



Melanie Daniels:
What?



Mitch Brenner:
His wife changed the channel.


[laughs and leaves]



Cathy Brenner:
Are you coming to my party tomorrow?



Melanie Daniels:
I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco.



Cathy Brenner:
Don't you like us?



Melanie Daniels:
Oh, darling, of course I do.



Cathy Brenner:
Don't you like Bodega Bay?



Melanie Daniels:
I don't know yet.



Cathy Brenner:
Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says that San Francisco's like an anthill up the foot of a bridge.



Melanie Daniels:
Well, I suppose it does get a little hectic at times.



Cathy Brenner:
Well, if you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's suppose to be a suprise party. You see, they've got this whole complicated thing figured out, where I'm going to Michele's for the afternoon, and Michele's mother will say she has a headache. Would I mind very much if she took me home. And when I get here, all the kids'll jump out! Oh, won't you come. Won't you please come?



Melanie Daniels:
I don't think so.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Reuben Kincaid:
Kincaid's Law: A dry client equals a broke manager.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lord Peter Wimsey:
Well, I think we can say we've made some progess. Even if it's a bit on the negative side.



Sir Impey Biggs:
Negative? Exactly! By heaven, negative indeed! Have you the faintest idea how seriously your activities have succeeded in damaging the case for the defense?



Lord Peter Wimsey:
Well, that's a nice thing to say, when we've cleared up such a lot of points for you.



Sir Impey Biggs:
I daresay. Points better left muffled up! Light where there was better darkness!



Lord Peter Wimsey:
But damn it, we only want to get at the truth!



Sir Impey Biggs:
Do you? Well, I don't! I don't care tuppence for the truth. I want a case. It doesn't matter to me who killed Cathcart, provided that I can prove that it wasn't Denver. It's really enough if I can throw reasonable doubt that it was Denver. Here's a client who comes to me with a story of a quarrel, a mysterious revolver, a refusal to produce evidence of his statements, and a totally inadequate and idiotic alibi. I arrange to obfuscate the jury with mysterious footprints, a discrepancy as to time, a young woman with a secret, and a general vague suggestion of something between a burglary and a crime passionel. And here you come! Explaining the footprints, exculpating the unknown man, abolishing the discrepancies, clearing up the motives of the young woman, and most carefully throwing back suspicion to where it rested in the first place.



Lord Peter Wimsey:
I always said the professional advocate was the most amoral person on the face of the earth. I'm certain of it now.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Rockford is trying to convince his client to go undercover]



Sara Butler:
How much of my own money am I going to earn back?



Jim Rockford:
I usually pay my operatives 20 bucks an hour for this kind of thing.



Sara Butler:
I wouldn't do it for less than 50.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[McKyle is defending Superintendent Jupp on corruption charges. Regan refuses to testify as a character witness for Jupp]



McKyle:
[pompously] My client is a distinguished police officer with whom you had a close working relationship for the past three years.



Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Your client is so bent that it's been impossible to hang his pictures straight on the office wall for the past twelve months!



McKyle:
Isn't there such a thing as loyalty?



Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Loyalty is like a girdle: it should stretch two ways.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Arthur Kirkland:
The one thing that bothered me, the one thing that stayed in my mind and I couldn't get rid of it, that haunted me, was why. Why would she lie? What was her motive for lying? If my client is innocent, she's lying, why? Was it blackmail? No. Was it jealousy? No. Yesterday I found out why. She doesn't have a motive, you know why? Because she's not lying... And ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution is not going to get that man today, no, because I'm gonna get him! my client, the Honorable Henry T. Fleming, should go right to fucking jail! The son of a bitch is guilty!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Arthur Kirkland:
I have a client in jail for a busted tail light and I can't get him out.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Arthur Kirkland:
[Arthur is visiting his client Jeff McCullaugh in jail, and sees that he has been assaulted] Jeff, what happened?



Jeff McCullaugh:
Some... somebody beat me up...



Arthur Kirkland:
Why?



Jeff McCullaugh:
I dunno, I didn't ask.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Judge Hoyle is speaking with Concannon and Galvin about the case]



Judge Hoyle:
Frank, what would you and your client take - right now, this very minute - to walk out of here, let this damn thing drop?



Frank Galvin:
My client can't walk, your honor.



Judge Hoyle:
I know full well she can't, Frank. You see the padre on your way out; he'll punch your ticket... you follow me?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[picking Maddie up at Police station]



David Addison:
Why is my client being held at this hour, and why isn't it by me?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Bob Grimes:
I don't have a lot of time. I'm in the middle of a trial.



John Vukovich:
What kind of trial?



Bob Grimes:
It's a dope case. Client got busted smuggling fifty pounds of cocaine. I should be able to get him off, though. Seach warrant's weak.



John Vukovich:
Weak?



Bob Grimes:
Color of the house is listed as brown in the warrant, when in fact it's beige and yellow.



John Vukovich:
You should be ashamed of yourself.



Bob Grimes:
I don't make any apologies for being an attorney. If I didn't accept the case, somebody else would, without a doubt. Without a doubt.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Nadia Gates:
[inspects painting] Oh! This looks Japanese. "Master and Concubines"?



Walter Davis:
It's Yakamoto!



Nadia Gates:
What is?



Walter Davis:
No, no, the reason for this big business dinner tonight is this Japanese industrialist new client of ours. He's old world Japanese and he's got a wife that's more like a slave and he keeps concubines!



Nadia Gates:
You gotta be kidding me.



Walter Davis:
No, no, his wife knows all about it. It's "traditional" or something.



Nadia Gates:
Tell me something, Walter: Are you into those kind of "traditions"?


[chuckles]



Walter Davis:
[chuckles] No, I'm actually a one-concubine kind of guy.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Eddie Dodd:
[cornering Reynard on the stand] This case has been over for years... Art Esparza is DEAD! Can't my client go free now?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Walsh:
Does that mean he wants you to prove your own client is guilty of murder?



Jake Gittes:
Yeah.



Walsh:
Well, 's that ethical?



Jake Gittes:
Larry, he's a lawyer.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Helen Brittas:
Carole, when my last client left, was he all hunched up, jabbering to himself?



Carole Parkinson:
Yes.



Helen Brittas:
Good, good. He's getting better.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Max Cady:
I'm Virgil and I'm guidin' you through the gates of Hell. We are now in the Ninth Circle, the Circle of Traitors. Traitors to country! Traitors to fellow man! Traitors to GOD! You, sir, are charged with betrayin' the principles of all three! Quote for me the American Bar Association's Rules of Professional Conduct, Canon Seven.



Sam Bowden:
"A lawyer should represent his client...”



Max Cady:
"Should ZEALOUSLY represent his client within the bounds of the law." I find you guilty, counselor! Guilty of betrayin' your fellow man! Guilty of betrayin' your country and abrogatin' your oath! Guilty of judgin' me and sellin' me out! With the power vested in me by the kingdom of God, I sentence you to the Ninth Circle of Hell! Now you will learn about loss! Loss of freedom! Loss of humanity! Now you and I will truly be the same...

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Bill:
I've got another client to go to.



Lillian Tucker:
Another client? Is that what I am to you? A client?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Gus:
My client is certainly entitled for compensation for pain and suffering.



Doc Fisher:
Pain and suffering? The woman is dead.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Capt. Ross:
Danny! Great job today. The redirect on Barnes.



Kaffee:
I have Markinson.



Capt. Ross:
Where is he?



Kaffee:
Motel room in the northeast with six federal marshalls outside his door. Take a sip of your drink.


[to waitress]



Kaffee:
I'd like a beer please. The transfer order that Markinson signed is a phony. Jessup's statement that the 6am flight was the first one off the base is a lie. We're checking the tower chief's log. In the mean time I thought we'd put the Apostle John Kendrick on the stand and see if we can't have a little fun.



Capt. Ross:
Alright. I have an obligation to tell you that if you accuse Kendrick or Jessup of a crime without proof then you're going to be subject to a court martial for professional misconduct and that is something that's going to be stapled to every job application that you ever fill out. Markinson's not going to stand up, Danny, he's a crazy man! Now, I'm not telling you this to intimidate you I'm being you're lawyer here.



Kaffee:
Thanks a lot, Jack. And I want you to know that I think the whole fucking bunch of you are certifiably insane. This code of honor of yours makes me want to beat the shit out of something.



Capt. Ross:
Don't you dare lump me in with Jessup and Kendrick just because we wear the same uniform. I'm your friend and I'm telling you, I don't think your clients belong in jail but I don't get to make that call! I represent the government of the United States without passion or prejudice and my client has a case! Now I want you to acknowledge that the Judge Advocate has made you aware of the possible consequences of accusing a Marine officer of a felony without proper evidence.



Kaffee:
I've been so advised.



Capt. Ross:
You got bullied into that courtroom, Danny, by everybody. By Dawson. By Galloway. Shit, I practically dared you. You got bullied into that courtroom by the memory of a dead lawyer.



Kaffee:
You're a lousy fucking softball player, Jack!



Capt. Ross:
Your boys are going down, Danny. I can't stop it anymore.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Kaffee:
Alright, let's get two.



Lt. Sherby:
Sorry!



Kaffee:
Nothing to be sorry about, Sherby, you just look the ball into your glove. Let's try it again. Shootin' two!



Lt. Sherby:
Sorry!



Kaffee:
Sherby, you gotta trust me, you keep your eyes open and your chances of catching ball increase by a factor of 10.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
Kaffee.



Kaffee:
Let's try it again.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
Kaffee!



Kaffee:
Dave you seem distraught.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
We were supposed to meet in your office 15 minutes ago to talk about the McDermont case. You're stalling on this one. We get this done right now, or I mean it, Kaffee, I'm going to hang your boy from a fuckin' yardarm!



Kaffee:
Yardarm? Sherby, does the Navy still hang people from Yardarms?



Lt. Sherby:
I don't think so.



Kaffee:
Dave, Sherby doesn't think the Navy hangs people yardarms anymore.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
I'm going to charge him with possession and being under the influence while on duty. You plead guilty I recommend 30 days in the brig with loss of rank and pay.



Kaffee:
It was oregano, Dave. It was 10 dollars worth of oregano.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
Yeah, but your client thought it was marijuana.



Kaffee:
My client's a moron that's not against the law.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
Kaffee, I have people to answer to just like you do. I'm going to charge him.



Kaffee:
With what? Possession of a condiment?



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
Kaffee...



Kaffee:
Look, Dave, I tried to help you out of this but if you ask for jail time I'm going to file a motion to dismiss.



Kaffee:
You won't get it.



Kaffee:
I will get it. And if the MTD is denied I'll file a motion seeking limited of an evidentary ruling in advance and then I'm going to file against pretrial confinement and you're going to spend the next three months going blind on paperwork because a Signalman Second Class bought and smoked a dime bag of oregano.



Lieutenant Dave Spradling:
B misdemeanor 20 days in the brig.



Kaffee:
C misdemeanor 15 days restricted duty.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Galloway:
Hi there.



Kaffee:
Having any luck in getting me replaced?



Galloway:
Is there anyone in the command that you don't either drink or play softball with?



Kaffee:
Commander, I...



Galloway:
Look, I came to make peace. We started off on the wrong foot. What do you say? Friends?



Kaffee:
I don't think...



Galloway:
I went and saw Downey this afternoon. I brought him some comic books he had been asking for. This kid, Kaffee, I swear, he doesn't know where he is. He doesn't even know why he's been arrested.



Kaffee:
Commander?



Galloway:
You can call me Joanne.



Kaffee:
Joanne?



Galloway:
Or Joe.



Kaffee:
Joe?



Galloway:
Yes?



Kaffee:
If you speak to a client of mine again without my permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?



Galloway:
I had authorization.



Kaffee:
From who?



Galloway:
Downey's only living relative, Ginny Miller, his aunt on his mother's side.



Kaffee:
You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?



Galloway:
I gave her a call like you asked. She's a very nice woman we spoke for nearly an hour.



Kaffee:
You got authorization from Aunt Ginny.



Galloway:
Perfectly within my province.



Kaffee:
Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We can hold the trial there. I can sew the costumes. Maybe his Uncle Goober can be the judge.



Galloway:
I'm going to Cuba with you tomorrow.



Kaffee:
And the hits just keep on coming.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ann Orkin:
Eight years I went to law school. Three times I took the bar. I finally geta a client and my client is a lunatic.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

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