ceiling

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ceiling

I'm not easily grossed out, but you can't help being turned off a little at the thought of being plastered to the ceiling by your boyfriend's man-juice.More [07/06/2006 12:07:00]
The way they were writing Christine as this older woman who got married, which she shouldn't have. Obviously got divorced right away. Reached the glass ceiling in the police precinct. So there is a part of her that died because she knows she couldn't go any farther.More [10/06/2006 12:10:00]
Jodie and Susan Sarandon are making their own way. The film I'm working on with Whoopie Goldberg, she breaks the glass ceiling on Wall Street.More [11/11/2006 12:11:00]
Mr. Hyde: [landing on the ceiling next to a knocked out Van Helsing] Aaaah! Paris...
[walks to Van Helsing who is lying on the floor and picks him up with a chuckle. Then he walks to the border of Notre Dame's ceiling]
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] I... I think you will find the view over here to be rather spectacular.More [03/14/2007 12:03:00]
The Riddler: [to Two-Face, who has just blown a hole in the ceiling of his lair] Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM?More [03/19/2007 12:03:00]
Jack Swigert: [Swigert bumps his head on the ceiling of the crowded lunar module] Oww! Goddamn this piece of shit!
Fred Haise, Sr.: Hey! this piece of shit's going to get you home! That's 'cause that's the only thing we've got left, Jack.
Jack Swigert: Well, what are you saying, Fred?
Fred Haise, Sr.: Oh, I think you know what I'm saying...
Jack Swigert: Now wait a minute... all I did was stir those tanks...
Fred Haise, Sr.: What was that gauge reading before you hit the switch?
Jack Swigert: Hey, don't tell me how to fly the damned CM, all right? They brought me in here to do a job, they asked me to stir the damned tanks, and I stirred the tanks!
Fred Haise, Sr.: You didn't know what you were doing, do you?
Jim Lovell: Jack, quit kicking yourself in the ass.
Jack Swigert: This is NOT MY FAULT!
Jim Lovell: No one is saying it is. If I'm in the left-hand seat when the call comes up, *I* stir the tanks.
Jack Swigert: Yeah, well, tell *him* that.
Fred Haise, Sr.: I just asked you what the gauge was reading. AND YOU DON'T KNOW!
Jim Lovell: All right, we're not doing this, gentlemen. We are *not* going to do this. We're not going to go bouncing off the walls for ten minutes, 'cause we're just going to end up back here with the same problems! Try to figure out how to stay alive!More [04/08/2007 12:04:00]
Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
[looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.More [05/24/2007 12:05:00]
Alyssa: You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Holden: Still am.
Alyssa: And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.More [07/11/2007 12:07:00]
Cindy: You steal my car, you rip the seat out, you kidnap me, you ask me to help you find your daughter which I very kindly do, and then you get me involved in a shoot out where people are dying and there's blood spurting all over the place, and then I watch you rip a phone booth out of a wall, swing from the ceiling like Tarzan, and then there's a cop that's going to shoot you and I save you and they start chasing me. Are you going to tell me what's going on or what?
Matrix: No.More [07/12/2007 12:07:00]
Janet: [Dominique, Janet, and Max are locked in the vault, and Dominique has lit up a cigarette. Janet looks at her horrified] Please don't smoke!
[Dominique blows smoke dismissively in Janet's direction]
Janet: [to Max] Tell her not to smoke!
[Max rolls her eyes and walks toward Dominique]
Janet: Guys! There's not enough air and soon we're going to be faint on the floor, and the only air left in this room will be toxic!
[Max takes cigarette from Dominique, lights it, and takes a deep drag which she lets out. Janet, very distressed approaches the two of them waving her hands]
Max: This is bullshit!
Janet: This could not get any worse!
[Spikes come out of the ceiling and the ceiling slowly lowers toward them]
Max: See? Trap.More [08/08/2007 12:08:00]
[Freddy is playing pinball with Jason, suddenly Jason hits the ceiling and falls straight down]
Freddy Krueger: Tilt!More [11/26/2007 12:11:00]
Ole Golly: The time has come, the walrus said...
Harriet M. Welsch: To talk of many things...
Ole Golly: Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax...
Harriet M. Welsch: Of cabbages and kings...
Ole Golly: And why the sea is boiling hot...
Harriet M. Welsch: And whether pigs have wings!
Ole Golly: Do you have any wings?
Harriet M. Welsch: Yeah.
Ole Golly: [starts "spanking" her] Yeah? Let me see 'em!
Harriet M. Welsch: [laughing] Ow! Ow! Child abuse! Child abuse!
Ole Golly: You wanna see child abuse? Take that! And that!More [02/08/2008 12:02:00]
Peter Banning: Jack, my word is my bond.
Jack: Yeah, junk bond.
[he hits the ceiling door in the plane with his ball, and causes the oxygen masks to drop down and scare Peter half to death]
Peter Banning: What in the hell's the matter with you? When will you stop acting like a child?
Jack: I am a child.
Peter Banning: Grow up.More [03/26/2008 12:03:00]
Peter Banning: [Jack is angry at his Dad and tossing his baseball to the ceiling and catching it] Will you stop doing that? You could break a window
Jack: It's double layered, it won't break!
[he demonstrates his point by banging his ball against the glass]
Peter Banning: [confiscating the ball] Give me that.More [03/26/2008 12:03:00]
The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?More [04/01/2008 12:04:00]
Judson Craig:
Do you realize that I have guests downstairs, that Miss Lyons was singing? I thought the ceiling would come down!



Penny Craig:
Why didn't you stop her?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Muriel Blandings:
I want it to be a soft green, not as blue-green as a robin's egg, but not as yellow-green as daffodil buds. Now, the only sample I could get is a little too yellow, but don't let whoever does it go to the other extreme and get it too blue. It should just be a sort of grayish-yellow-green. Now, the dining room. I'd like yellow. Not just yellow; a very gay yellow. Something bright and sunshine-y. I tell you, Mr. PeDelford, if you'll send one of your men to the grocer for a pound of their best butter, and match that exactly, you can't go wrong! Now, this is the paper we're going to use in the hall. It's flowered, but I don't want the ceiling to match any of the colors of the flowers. There's some little dots in the background, and it's these dots I want you to match. Not the little greenish dot near the hollyhock leaf, but the little bluish dot between the rosebud and the delphinium blossom. Is that clear? Now the kitchen is to be white. Not a cold, antiseptic hospital white. A little warmer, but still, not to suggest any other color but white. Now for the powder room - in here - I want you to match this thread, and don't lose it. It's the only spool I have and I had an awful time finding it! As you can see, it's practically an apple red. Somewhere between a healthy winesap and an unripened Jonathan. Oh, excuse me...



Mr. PeDelford:
You got that Charlie?



Charlie, Painter:
Red, green, blue, yellow, white.



Mr. PeDelford:
Check.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Mary:
If it's true, JJ's gonna hit the ceiling.



Sidney Falco:
Can it be news to you that JJ's ceiling needs a new plaster job every six weeks?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Cruella De Vil:
I've got no time to argue. I tell you, it's got to be done tonight!


[Turns off television set]



Cruella De Vil:
Do you understand? Tonight!



Horace:
But they ain't big enough.



Jasper:
You couldn't get half a dozen coats out of the whole kaboodle.



Seargent Tibs:
[whispering] Coats? Dog skin coats?



Cruella De Vil:
Then we'll settle for half a dozen! We can't wait! The police are everywhere. I want the job done tonight!



Horace:
How're we gonna do it?



Cruella De Vil:
Any way you like. Poison them. Drown them. Bash them in the head. You got any chloroform?



Jasper:
Not a drop.



Horace:
And no ether, either.



Jasper:
Eye-ther!


[Hits Horace over the head with bottle]



Cruella De Vil:
I don't care how you kill the little beasts, but do it, and do it now!



Jasper:
Aw, please, miss. Have pity, will ya? Can't we see the rest of the show first?



Horace:
We want to see "What's My Crime?"


[Cruella takes Jasper's bottle and throws it into the fireplace, where it explodes; she slaps both of them in the face]



Cruella De Vil:
Now listen, you idiots! I'll be back first thing in the morning. And the job better be done or I'll... I'll... I'll call the police! Do you understand?


[She slams the door behind her; a piece of plaster falls of the ceiling and on Horace's head]



Horace:
I think she means it, Jasper.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Aidan Devane:
I'll go with you.



Kendall Hart:
You'd do that?



Aidan Devane:
You may need someone to peel you off the ceiling or scrape you off the floor.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Vice-Marshal Arthur Coningham and General Patton are discussing the lack of supporting air cover the British have been providing for American troops]



Air Vice-Marshal Sir Arthur Coningham:
I promise you one thing, General. You will see no more German planes.


[Moments later two German planes fly by overhead and begin to attack the compound, part of the ceiling in the room the two are in collapses as they scramble to hide underneath a table]



Patton:
You were discussing, uh, air supremacy, Sir Arthur?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Grandpa Joe:
Mr. Wonka?



Willy Wonka:
[pointedly ignoring them] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.



Grandpa Joe:
[tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate - Uh, the lifetime supply of chocolate... for Charlie. When does he get it?



Willy Wonka:
He doesn't.



Grandpa Joe:
Why not?



Willy Wonka:
Because he broke the rules.



Grandpa Joe:
What rules? We didn't see any rules. Did we, Charlie?



Willy Wonka:
[springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy


[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]



Willy Wonka:
- "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera..."Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera..."Memo bis punitor delicatum!"


[slams the magnifying glass down, shouts]



Willy Wonka:
It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get *NOTHING*! You lose! Good day sir!



Grandpa Joe:
[shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!


[angrily]



Grandpa Joe:
How could you do a thing like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!



Willy Wonka:
[shouts even louder] I said "Good day!"

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Templeton returns from a night of overeating]



Templeton:
[hiccups] I'm back.


[Charlotte and Wilbur glare at him]



Templeton:
What a night! Never have I seen such leavings! Everything well ripened, seasoned with the passage of time and the heat of the day. Oh, it was rich, my friends. Rich!


[hiccups]



Charlotte:
You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Templeton. It would serve you right if you had an acute attack of indigestion.


[Templeton hiccups agains and pats his stomach]



Templeton:
My somach can handle anything



Wilbur:
Templeton, if you weren't so dopey, you'd notice that Charlotte has made an egg sac.


[Templeton gazes toward the ceiling and sees Charlotte's egg sac]



Templeton:
[hiccups] Hooray for Charlotte.



Wilbur:
She's going to become a mother. For your information, there are 514 eggs in that peachy, little sac.



Templeton:
This has been a night.


[Templeton crawls over to Wilbur's pen and hiccups again]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Neighbor:
[seeing Harry take apart a mailbox] Hey, what's going on down here?



Harry Callahan:
Taking apart the mailbox, what does it look like?



Neighbor:
Well you people live here, right? What the hell are you doing to the mailbox, did you lose your key?



Harry Callahan:
Why don't you mind your own goddamn business?



Neighbor:
Ummm. That's my mailbox too, now. Don't you get smart with me!


[after a moment]



Neighbor:
Tampering with the mail's a federal offense. I'm calling the police.


[starts to head upstairs to do so]



Harry Callahan:
I am the police.



Neighbor:
[comes back down] What? ...oh. The cop who lives upstairs?



Neighbor:
[Harry has the mailbox open now and finds a miniature bomb inside, with a red light lit up on it. He takes it out and clicks a button causing the red light to go out] What's that?



Harry Callahan:
Plastic explosive.



Neighbor:
[quavering voice] A bomb?



Harry Callahan:
Yeah, that's right. If you'd bothered me any more, we'd all be stuck to the ceiling now. Here... would you like to hold it?



Neighbor:
No no, I don't want to get involved!


[runs upstairs]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Livia:
Tell me, what do you think of Julia?



Tiberius:
Nothing. Why?



Livia:
Nobody could accuse you of being devious. She thinks very well of you.



Tiberius:
What's that supposed to mean.



Livia:
Nothing. She likes you, that's all. Always has.



Tiberius:
Mother, I'm a happily married man. Julia doesn't interest me. She wouldn't interest me even if you hung her naked from the ceiling above my bed.



Livia:
She might even do that if I asked her.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Sgt. Len Able:
What am I supposed to do with this? Eat it or rub it in?



Cpl. Cook:
You can bounce it off the ceiling for all I care.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Dawn Wetherby:
Please don't be mad at me. I can't go back empty handed. Swan would kill me!



Alexander:
Then don't go back!



Dawn Wetherby:
How?



Alexander:
There's got to be a way!



Dawn Wetherby:
There is no other way. This is it.


[pause]



Dawn Wetherby:
[glumly] I don't care anymore. It was so meaningless. I felt nothing. I just stared at the ceiling and became a woman. What a hype!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Dick Charleston:
[after noticing that he is incorrectly seated next to his own wife, Charleston asks to switch places with Wang. An instant after they both stand up, two rapiers fall from the ceiling to bury themselves in the gentlemen's chairs] ... Just as I thought: another test that could have cost us our lives, saved only by the fact that I am ENORMOUSLY well-bred.



Sam Diamond:
...Lucky it wasn't me, or I'd be chopped liver by now.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Doctor Device:
[after hiding Kate on the ceiling with a levitation trick] Now, we'll let you down, if you promise never to tell how we do this.



Kate:
OK. But, how do you do it?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[to himself, crawling above some acoustic ceiling tiles]



Bender:
Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...


[the ceiling gives way]



Bender:
Oh, *shit*.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Eric Raymond:
Pizzaz! Wait! Don't slam the...


[Pizzaz slams the door and plaster falls from Eric's office ceiling on to his head.]



Eric Raymond:
Door.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Droopy Dog:
[as a bellhop] Going up, sir?


[eddie walks and falls on the elevator]



Droopy Dog:
[looking down from boxes] Mind the step, sir. Hold on, sir.


[Droopy pulls a lever and Eddie is pulled to the floor with his head up as the elevator goes up fast]



Droopy Dog:
[pushing the lever to stop the elevator] Your floor sir.


[Eddie is flung to the ceiling of the elevator]



Droopy Dog:
[eddie falls out of the door from the ceiling]



Droopy Dog:
[with head stretch] Have a good day, sir.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[the bore driller is operational while the Jetsons, Astro, Teddy 2, Fergie, Apollo Blue, Squet and the Grungies are still underground]


[motioning to the Jetsons]



Squet:
Come on, come on, come on!


[the ground starts to give way under his feet]



Elroy Jetson:
Oh no! Squet!


[grabs Squet's hand]



Elroy Jetson:
Hang on!


[the ceiling crumbles over their heads, knocking them down over a edge]



Jane:
[scared to death] ELROY!


[Everyone works together to move rocks. The Grungies form a 'human' chain to save Elroy and Squek as George and Jane look at each other with conerned looks on their faces. The Grungies pull a dirty Elroy, who is holding Squet, out from the caved in area]



Teddy 2:
He's got Squet!



George:
Elroy!


[picks up Elroy and Squet]



George:
Oh thank God your safe son.



Jane:
[Takes Elroy into her arms from George] Oh Elroy, darling. I was afraid.


[tears in her eyes]



Jane:
I was *so* afraid.



Elroy Jetson:
I'm ok, mom, I'm ok. Squet's ok, too.


[he slaps hands with Squet and the Grungies chant Squets name]



George:
[to the grungies] Thanks to all of you.


[the Grungies cheer]



George:
C'mon everybody. We've got to stop the drilling! C'mon!


[Everyone runs off]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Annie Wilkes:
What's the ceiling that Dago painted?



Paul Sheldon:
The Sistine Chapel?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Cat R. Waul:
[after pulling to activate a trap door on stage which an opera singing mouse falls into] Terrible! Terrible! Absolutely, positively apalling. I must have a voice to match the occulence of this sal...


[Fievel, scrambles up behind Cat R. Waul, picks up a fork and stabs him in the butt]



Cat R. Waul:
OON!


[Jumps out of his clothes through the ceiling to an upper level saloon where a lady grabs him]



Lady at Saloon:
Oh, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy! Pussy pussy! Oh, pussy!


[Wriggles out, falls down the hole back into his clothes on the stage]



Cat R. Waul:
Humans! Yeeuk. So shiny and pleh!


[to Chula]



Cat R. Waul:
Right. I want the subversive who tried to asassinate me found.



T.R. Chula:
I just love findin' subversives. Boss, what's a subversive?



Cat R. Waul:
Someone who doesn't have very long to live.


[Fievel, with his shirt caught on the needle of a record player, tries to run and plays some music, which Cat R. Waul notices]



Cat R. Waul:
Ah. If it isn't my diminuitive friend from the train.



Fievel:
Cat R. Waul! I heard what you said about the Mouseburgers, and I'm gonna tell everyone. I'm gonna get Wily Burp. Cause he's the law.



Cat R. Waul:
The Wily Burp?


[the saloon erupts in laughter]



Cat R. Waul:
That quaint historical figure?


[Cat R. Waul picks him up on a fork]



Cat R. Waul:
Simply put, Mouseling. I am the law here. And you are a mere hors d'oeuvre.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Chris Craig:
[after jumping off the roof and falling through a glass ceiling to escape police] I wish I was fuckin' dead... I woulda killed the fuckin' lot of ya!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Yakko:
Folks, we'll paint your ceiling for only $19.95. Right. How do we do it? No overhead. When we're done, you'll have nothing overhead. You hire us, you have nothing in your head. We paint ceilings, ceilings, and only ceilings. We don't do floors 'cause they're beneath us.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Shelby Hornbeck:
I've been haunted by my mother's death for so many years now.



Rachel:
I'm haunted, too. I found my mother hanging from the ceiling when I was just a kid.



Shelby Hornbeck:
It's a cruel message for a mother to leave her daughter.



Rachel:
Yes, it was. She seemed to be saying that life is too difficult, too painful, too empty to keep on struggling; that is was better to die than go through with it. I don't want to be like her. I want to have a life filled with love and joy and family.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Kimberly Hart:
You guys make me sick


[Kicks one of Ivan Oozes Henchman]



Kimberly Hart:
, sick


[Kicks Henchman again]



Kimberly Hart:
, SICK!


[Kicks again]



Kimberly Hart:
UGH!


[Kicks Henchman, sending him flying upto the ceiling and down onto the ground hard]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Caesar:
You got asbestos all right.


[points to floor]



Caesar:
I'll bet it's up in the ceiling mostly. Should take me only a day, or two, to remove it.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Sgt. Troy Barlow:
[Upon learning Said's wife is a double amputee] That's horrible



Capt. Said:
Oh my friend... I haven't even told you the worst part yet. My son, he is only one... he is sleeping when the bombs drop ceiling caves in on him

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[repeated line]



Jake Kong, Eddie Spencer:
Let's go, Ghostbusters!


[slaps each other five high on the ceiling and then run into the Skelevator]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[the boys are jumping on the couch]



Daggett:
Hey, Norb, let's see who can jump the highest.



Norbert:
[bumps the ceiling light and stops jumping] Uh, Dag, I think we should stop.



Daggett:
You're just afraid I'll beat you.



Norbert:
No, Dag, listen...



Daggett:
[teasing] Norby's afraid to jump high.



Norbert:
Daggett, listen.



Daggett:
Norby's a chicken. BAWK BAWK BAWK. Come on, chicken boy. What are you afraid...



Daggett:
[hits the light and gets violently shocked] AAAH!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Michael Caine:
You know that front room in there that I hardly ever use, with the water bed and them two way mirrors, and them things hanging off the ceiling that you can tie your wrists up with like. That'll be hers, she can have that, but as long as we take down all the equipment and remove them moody videos, we'll be laughing



Joe Pesci:
Oh I wouldn't bother with that-she likes all that shit.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Bea:
It's because I flooded the bathroom and the ceiling fell in and the cats ran off, that's when she started talking about Marocco and the sufi's. Mom says a sufi doesn't ask who a sufi is... so what the hell is a sufi anyway?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Boston Low:
[Player examines bat-like creatures on the ceiling of a cave] Disgusting bat-things. I HATE disgusting bat-things.



Boston Low:
[player shines a flashlight on bat creatures] It's amazing how parallel evolution on two different worlds made bats look completely weird and disgusting in both places.



Boston Low:
[Player shines the flashlight on the creatures again] It's kind of fun to disturb these bat things and make them fly around.



Boston Low:
[Player shines the flashlight on the creatures again] 'Course, if I keep doing this, one of them is bound to put some guano on my head.



Boston Low:
[Player shines the flashlight on the creatures again] Ah! Guano! Right in my eye.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[after dropping through the ceiling on a rope and killing nine mobsters]



Connor:
Well, "Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid fucking rope for."



Murphy:
That was way easier than I thought.



Connor:
Aye.



Murphy:
You know, on TV you always got that guy that jumps over the sofa.



Connor:
And then you gotta shoot at him for ten fucking minutes, too.



Murphy:
Aye.



Connor:
Christ.



Murphy:
We're good.



Connor:
Yes, we are.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Paul Smecker:
Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond shit never happens in real life! Professionals don't do that!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Dr. Annette Birkin:
[points gun at Leon] You! You murdered my husband! I know what you're looking for! You came for the G-Virus, didn't you? Well, you're not taking this from me, this is my husband's legacy! Now... where's that spy you were working with earlier? You know who I'm talking about...



Leon Kennedy:
What?



Dr. Annette Birkin:
You really don't know anything, do you? You're so gullible! She is a spy... the only reason she came here is to obtain the G-Virus...



Leon Kennedy:
That's a lie!



Dr. Annette Birkin:
No, it's the truth... She specifically got close to the researcher John and became his girlfriend, to get information about the G-Virus...



Leon Kennedy:
That can't be! I know her... Ada wouldn't do something like that!



Dr. Annette Birkin:
If you don't want to listen, I don't really care. You're about to die anyway...


[laboratory begins shaking]



Dr. Annette Birkin:
What's happening?


[screams as a piece of ceiling crashes down on her]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Alderman:
[in a town hall meeting about the apocalypse] We've also installed space helmets in the ceiling above you, that will drop in the event of Armaggedon, or a sudden apocalypse, to ensure your safety in our journey to the new homeland.



Bluto:
[looking at the drawing of the spaceship/town hall] No way! You're saying our town hall is just like that giant ship guitar that Boston sits on top of in Boston's Don't Look Back album!



Alderman:
Of course it's not like the...


[looks at the drawing]



Alderman:
Well, well, actually it's exactly like that.



Bluto:
Awesome!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Shaggy:
Monsters through the roof, huh?



Scooby- Doo:
That's right.



Shaggy:
Okay so then where's the hole?



Scooby- Doo:
[points up] Up there.



Shaggy:
Where?



Scooby- Doo:
Right up, huh?


[looks up and sees the ceiling in one piece]



Scrappy Doo:
Don't worry, Uncle Scooby, we still love ya, even if ya are wacko.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Doctor Octopus stands at the bars of a jail cell, while Scorpion, Mysterio, Rhino and a Jade Syndicate Thug play cards]



Scorpion:
Wait. Hold on. Time out. All of you guys were working together and you *still* couldn't take down Spider-Man?



Mysterio:
It's not *my* fault! Doc Ock's plan was *horrible!* Everyone *knows* you can't control the symbiotes.


[Rhino stands up, puzzled]



Rhino:
Hey, wait. So, if I'm a rhino, you're a scorpion and he's an octopus, what's a Mysterio?


[Rhino sits down on his bench and sends the Thug flying up into the ceiling and he struggles as his head gets stuck]



Scorpion:
So, Rhino, got any threes?


[Rhino looks at his cards]



Rhino:
Hey! I got a bingo! You guys think you're so smart, but I won! Who's your daddy, Doc Ock? Victory is mine! You're always laughing at me, but who's crying *now*, huh?


[Rhino laughs at his cellmates, but then stops as he takes another look at his cards]



Rhino:
Oh, wait a minute. I've made a mistake.


[Doctor Octopus shakes his head and then bangs his head on the bars of his cell three times]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Viking:
Come.



Jack:
That voice beckons me further in. Surely he takes me for a fool to follow deeper into his traps.



Jack:
[the floor and spike-covered ceiling begin to converge] A fool I be!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Mister Doom:
I predict an epidemic of decapitations caused by ceiling fans flying loose. Anyone who can relax with propellers over his head deserves to be decapitated.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
J.D.:
Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long.


[to Dr. Cox]



J.D.:
And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby. That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE.


[to Carla and Turk]



J.D.:
And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it?


[to Elliot]



J.D.:
And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are.


[JD storms out of the cafeteria, passing Nurse Roberts]



Nurse Roberts:
Did I miss something good?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Electro:
This is only the smallest fraction of my power!


[Electro fires an electric blast at a machine on the ceiling to turn it on and the machine fires four purple lasers down at the floor]



Spider-Man:
Lasers? This exhibit comes with space ships AND death rays! Fantastic!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jon Arbuckle:
Garfield, did you know the living room ceiling has 144 tiles?



Garfield:
The living room has 214.



Jon Arbuckle:
I'm bored.



Garfield:
Why don't you organize your sock drawer?



Jon Arbuckle:
I'd organize my sock drawer but I already did it last night.



Garfield:
I'll be the judge of that.


[opens the drawer and finds the socks organized]



Garfield:
Whoa, I'm impressed.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lawrence E. Turpin:
All right, here's your giant banjo...



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Um-hmm. It's very flat.



Lawrence E. Turpin:
Well, it doesn't look flat from in the audience.



Jonathan Steinbloom:
It has basically, no dimension to it.



Lawrence E. Turpin:
Well, it's painted to look three dimensional. If you go back there, trust me...



Jonathan Steinbloom:
But it's not painted on the back. I'm looking at the back right now. Will you look with me for a minute?



Lawrence E. Turpin:
Why would it be... From the audience it's gonna look perfectly fine. And it looks three dimensional. Just go out there and take a peek.



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Well, is this the real furniture or is this the rehearsal furniture?



Lawrence E. Turpin:
Well, A it's not called furniture. It's a set.



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Uh-huhh...



Lawrence E. Turpin:
And it's painted this way. It looks completely three dimensional from the audience, if you just go out that way, Mr. Steinbloom.



Jonathan Steinbloom:
So this is the real furniture, and this is... Is this an actual street lamp?



Lawrence E. Turpin:
I'm sure it was at one time.



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Can you have an actual three dimensional object that represents the thing that it actually is, can that be next to something that it's pretending to be? Would that be okay?



Lawrence E. Turpin:
Yes, it's perfectly fine. You know, I really don't have time to explain Stagecraft 101. This show starts in an hour. Now, every... everything is exactly the way you...



Jonathan Steinbloom:
And what are tho... what's tha... that... Those are lights hanging up there?



Lawrence E. Turpin:
Yes, those are lights...



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Could they fall?



Lawrence E. Turpin:
...and that's a ceiling above us!



Jonathan Steinbloom:
But they look shaky.



Lawrence E. Turpin:
No, they're not shaky, they're perfectly...



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Is that wire? I see a wire. I see a...


[Lawrence smacks him on the head]



Jonathan Steinbloom:
Oww!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Freddy Krueger:
[as Mrs. Voorhees] I'm disappointed in you Jason! You were supposed to come back home! Only kill a few of them! But I blame myself... I should've known you wouldn't have been able to stop killing! You are like a big stupid dog who can't stop eatiiiiing! Even though... your master said you had enough!



Freddy Krueger:
[Back to normal] Hahahaha... time to put this... bad dog to sleep. For good!



Jason Voorhees:
[Cuts Freddy's right arm off]



Freddy Krueger:
Not my arm!



Jason Voorhees:
[Cuts Freddy's left arm off]


[Freddy screams with agony]



Freddy Krueger:
[Get's up smiling] hehehehe... Ha!


[Regrows arms!]



Freddy Krueger:
[Blocks Jason's attack and sends the machete flying off into a pipe]



Freddy Krueger:
[Hitting jason repeatedly, then scratching his mask, leaving a mark] Awwww... Welcome to MY nightmare



Freddy Krueger:
[Makes the machete fly into Jason, pinning him to the wall]


[Freddy raises each of his fingers, as each one raises a tile flys into the machete handle, pushing it further into Jason]



Freddy Krueger:
[Freddy opens his hand and many tiles begin to float]


[Freddy throws his hand in Jasons direction and the tiles head towards the machete handle]



Freddy Krueger:
[Appearing directly beside Jason] Penny for your thoughts, chief!



Jason Voorhees:
[Pulls out the machete and holds Freddy's head so the blade is touching his neck]



Freddy Krueger:
Ohhh scary!


[Disappears]



Freddy Krueger:
Hahahahaha


[Reappears on a banister further away]



Freddy Krueger:
[Begins to play pinball with Jason]


[Eventually Jason falls to the floor]



Freddy Krueger:
Aw... tilt.



Freddy Krueger:
[Placing his hands towards large tank]


[Slowly the tank lossens from the ceiling then falls]



Freddy Krueger:
Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!



Freddy Krueger:
[Walks towards Jason] Why won't you DIE?



Jason Voorhees:
[Grabs Freddy and throws him into a pipe]


[Pipe starts leaking and room lighting turns green instead of red]



Jason Voorhees:
[Walks towards Freddy who is behind a wall of water]


[Jason goes to attack Freddy, then stops and stares at the water]



Freddy Krueger:
Ooooooh... so you ARE afraid of something afterall huh?



Freddy Krueger:
[Makes it rain on Jason] Haaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!



Freddy Krueger:
Haaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!


[End of Scene]



Freddy Krueger:
[a few scenes later, we return to Freddy and Jason]



Jason Voorhees:
[Now a child in underwear and hockey mask, lying on the floor, cowering]



Freddy Krueger:
Aw... how sweet...


[removes mask]



Freddy Krueger:
You ugly little shit! Now there's a face... only your MOTHER COULD LOVE!



Freddy Krueger:
[Pulls up Mrs. Voorhees' head]



Freddy Krueger:
Hahaha... yeah! Now we're getting somewhere! Let's see what really scares you



Freddy Krueger:
[Begins to impale Jason head with his claw]



Freddy Krueger:
And dig a little deepeeeeer... aaaahahaaa


[Blade goes further into Jaosn's head]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jeff:
Men, if you have a wife, a girlfriend, or a daughter, you are being trained. And just cause they aren't doing it with a cattle prod does not mean it isn't working. I'll tell you when I first realized I was being trained. I've been married to a wonderful woman for seventeen years; it was about year five when I realized it. We were lying in bed reading, when she just says, "I'm hot." And I closed *my* book. Got out of bed. Went over to the wall, and turned the ceiling fan. I got about halfway back before, whoa!


[bewildered expression on Jeff's face]



Jeff:
I wasn't hot! And I swear to god the next day she called her mother and was like, "Momma, it is working so well! I just had to say it, and he got up and turned the ceiling fan on for me!" And her mother was like, "Baby, I'm so proud of you! I'd put your daddy on the phone so you can tell him, but I just said I'm hungry about twenty minutes ago, and he went into town to get me something to eat!"

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

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