Dave Attell

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Dave Attell

For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I don't watch reality TV. I'm cool.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I never wanted to be famous.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.More Dave Attell [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why the attack you. Because of that man, and its up to me and a half mexican to stop him!More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish, ... You know what you should do? Combine them ... eat a penguin.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ""the cops."" But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I don't watch reality TV.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I have no grand scheme.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn't do magic, I don't like. I don't even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, "Ta-da"! I love that word! I don't get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just cant go around walking, "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got sMore Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one sick man, and it's up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.More Dave Attell [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

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