Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999]

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Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999]

Capt. James West: Well, Dr. Loveless. I bet you thought that was pretty funny, dancing on my head and all. Now, if you ask me, someone owes someone else here an apology.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Arliss Loveless: Well now, Mr. West how did we arrive in this DARK situation?
Capt. James West: I don't know Dr. Loveless. I'm just as STUMPED as you are.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Rita Escobar: He's so impetuous.
Artemus Gordon: Yes, he's an idiot.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Dr. Arliss Loveless: Rita, my dear. Not that I'm ungrateful to providence for bringing you back, but I have to confess - I'm just a little bit curious as to how you managed to wind up with them.
Rita Escobar: Well, they seemed so sure that they could find you, I thought if I stayed with them, they'd bring me back to all my friends.
[In a low voice]
Rita Escobar: Not to give you a big head, but, I kind of missed you.
Dr. Arliss Loveless: Well, isn't that a coincidence? Cos, I kinda miss me too!More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: [Whistles] I'd like to have everyone's attention for a moment. It seems we have had series of major misunderstandings here tonight. First of all, the whole "drummin' on the boobies" thing. Now in my native land...
Someone in crowd: Georgia?
Capt. James West: Africa. We use drums to communicate between villages. And as you can see by this gal, we could communicate all the way to Baton Rouge. Hell, on a clear night, we might even get Galveston. All I was saying to the gal was, "Hi, how ya doing? My name's Jim. How's your momma?" Then there was the whole "Redneck" comment. And I'm sensing that you took that negatively. But let's break down that word "Redneck". First word red, color of power, fire, passion. Second word neck... neck... hey I can't think of nothing for neck right now, but without that you still got red and that's something to be proud of.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: Let's break it down into two words. First, red. Red is like, fire, passion. Neck is - I can't think of anything for neck right now.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
McGrath: [shouting] You sawed-off sadistic bastard! You've betrayed us!
Dr. Arliss Loveless: My dear General, having donated half of my physical being to create a weapon capable of doing this, how did you and General Lee repay my loyalty? You surrendered at Appomattox! So who betrayed whom?More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Artemus Gordon: We have the element of surprise. What does Loveless have?
[they look down into a canyon]
Artemus Gordon: He has his own city.
[Loveless' mechanical spider walks up over the edge of the cliff on which they are standing]
Capt. James West: He has an 80-foot tarantula.
Artemus Gordon: I was just coming to that.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Artemus Gordon: I only have one request: that you aim for my heart, my heart which has loved this country so much.
Dr. Arliss Loveless: Shoot him in the head.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Artemus Gordon: Jim?
Capt. James West: What now, Artie?
Artemus Gordon: Mind if I ask you a question?
Capt. James West: Actually, I do, Artie.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a redneck dance.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Dr. Arliss Loveless: Why y'all look like you've seen a ghost? It's me, dear friends - alive and kicking! Well, alive, anyway. We may have lost the war, but heaven knows we haven't lost our sense of humor! No, not even when we've lost a lung, a spleen, a bladder, two legs, thirty-five feet of small intestine, and our ability to reproduce - all in the name of the South! - do we EVER LOSE OUR SENSE OF HUMOR!More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Dr. Arliss Loveless: We may not have a woodshed on board, but that boy is gonna get a whuppin' anyway!More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: I have a telegram for a Dr. Loveless. It's from his mother, Irene. She's telling him to come on home, stop all this foolishness.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Coleman: President thought you boys could use a little looking-after. But I draw the line at defying gravity, so good luck.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Artemus Gordon: Oh, look. My auxiliary tool kit, I forgot all about it. It must have fallen out of my pocket.
Capt. James West: Your pocket? Why wasn't it on some spring-loaded contraption that shoots out your ass?
Artemus Gordon: That's the first place Loveless would have looked.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, you be sure to leave this part out.
Artemus Gordon: Don't worry.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Artemus Gordon: I can't be calm! Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm the "Master of the Mechanical Stuff"! And I have to help you! You, the master of the STUPID STUFF!More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Artemus Gordon: The collars are what's attracting them! They contain powerful magnets! As long as we can outrun the blades, we'll be fine!
Capt. James West: Gordon! How long does it take for a magnet to lose its power?
Artemus Gordon: About four hundred years!
Capt. James West: Damn!More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
McGrath: What's this?
Artemus Gordon: Why, it's a deep, deep pool. Maybe it's your old swimming hole, General. Are you feeling sleepy?
McGrath: Yes, I'm sleepy.
Artemus Gordon: Good. Now you're going to be my little doggy, and when I say "speak" you're going to tell me everything I want to know. Understand?
McGrath: Woof!
Artemus Gordon: Good boy. Now, which scientist is that in the next room? Is it Dr. Escobar? Speak!
McGrath: [panting] Woof! Woof!
Artemus Gordon: You can speak words, you stupid mutt.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: I thought I'd go as a government agent who's going to shoot and kill General Bloodbath McGrath.
Artemus Gordon: An armed Negro cowboy costume in a room full of white, Southern, former slave-owners. You'll win first prize.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: You know, you could put a gun on that.
Artemus Gordon: Then where would I keep my pencil?More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: Let me tell you something about your beloved art of disguise, Gordon. That night at Fat Can's, it wasn't a difficult task to tell that you weren't a woman.
Artemus Gordon: I was propositioned by three men!More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Dr. Arliss Loveless: We may have lost the war, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. Even when we lose a lung, a spleen, a bladder, thirty-five feet of small intestine, two legs, and our ability to reproduce all in the name of the south, do we EVER LOSE OUR SENSE OF HUMOR?More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]
Capt. James West: Loveless has kidnapped metallurgists, so whatever he's building is going to have armor. He's kidnapped chemists, so it'll have explosives. And you've said that Rita's father is the biggest expert on hydraulics in the world, so it's going to move. What could he be building that will make the president surrender the U.S. Goverment?
Artemus Gordon: A bedside heater.
Capt. James West: What?
Artemus Gordon: Rita. She could use a bedside heater. It gets rather cold back there.More Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] Movie: Wild Wild West [1999] [02/19/2006 12:02:00]

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