Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996]

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Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996]

Corky St. Clair: Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tyre? You know, that old joke.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: It kind of reminds of me the olden days, in Paris, when men use to slap each other with white leather gloves, you know, "Oh, D'Artagnan, how dare you speak to me that way". And Smack Em'.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: [during "Red, White, and Blaine production, 'Bulging River' Scene] I love you too pa. You taught me how to be a man. How to wrastle a steer to the ground and apply a fiery brand to his hind-quarters. And yes, how to love a woman. How the smell of her hair can drive a man wild!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Ron Albertson: I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila: We should be line-DANCING.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: Boy, I didn't know deers could... could do that, you know?More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Ron Albertson: Let me ask you something. You're a medical man.
Dr. Allan Pearl: Yes.
Ron Albertson: Uh... I wanna ask you something... if you... you...
[stands up, prepares to drop trousers]
Dr. Allan Pearl: [Horrified] Oh!
Ron Albertson: No, I, I...
Dr. Allan Pearl: Oh, for heaven's sake, no, noooooo...
Ron Albertson: Look, no please, I just want...
Dr. Allan Pearl: No!
Mrs. Allan Pearl: You don't have to do that...
Ron Albertson: Doctor, please...
Dr. Allan Pearl: Mmmmmedicine Man not go near Dances With Stumpy! Noooo!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Ron Albertson: I had to have penis reduction surgery.
Dr. Allan Pearl: Penis *reduction*?
Sheila: I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!" And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?"More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Glenn Welsch, Mayor: There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Dr. Allan Pearl: [singing] Nothing ever happens on Mars/No sports or entertainment/No swinging bars/You stand around/You stand some more/On a planet named for the Roman god of war.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: What the city council did was really... give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to... accept. It's like in the olden days, in the... days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves... say, y'know..."D'Artagnan!"... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!," and... smack 'em!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: I'd like you to close your eyes now, and I'd like you to try something, alright? Now what are you thinkin', what are you feeling right now, with your eyes closed
[Blows in Dr. Pearl's ear]
Dr. Allan Pearl: I feel a bree... a... you're blowing in my ear.
Corky St. Clair: Okay, alright, but you see you jumped... to a conclusion!
Dr. Pearl: Oh!
Corky St. Clair: See, what I'm asking for is... your first feeling... was not that I was blowing on you. It was more like... Virgin Isles, or... Bahamanian...
Dr. Pearl: Oh...
Corky St. Clair: Or... Arubian...More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Dr. Allan Pearl: I think I got a, a, an entertaining bug... from my grandfather... uh, Chaim Pearlgut, who was very very big in the, um, Yiddish, uh, theater, back in New York. He was in the, the very... the sardonically irreverent..."Dybbyck Shmybbyck, I Said 'More Ham'"... and that revue I believe was 1914, and that revue was what made him famous. Incidentally, the song "Bubi Made A Kishka" came from that revue.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Clifford Wooley: I had a... hankerin' to be an actor when I was a young feller when I got out of the Coast Guard, but I... I went to taxidermy school instead... well, I took a correspondence course.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Libby Mae Brown: [as "Ima"] I hear that French girls... are very pretty... that they wear the finest of clothes. I also hear that they are experts... in the ways of love.
Corky St. Clair: [as "Monty"] Ima... I'm going to fight for my country! To fight... and yes, perhaps die... so that young men from here to Timbuktu can feel the wind of freedom blowin' through their hairrrrr!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
UFO Abductee: They took me off into a separate room; I seen 'em takin' different people off; different ones of us off in separate rooms and put me on a big white table and uh the guy that took me in there - to examine me I guess - he probed me and then I was in there I bet more than three or four hours, in that room, being probed and at one time or another these different ones of 'em came in, four or five or six of 'em at different times, and all of 'em probed me, uh, not all at once, you know, individually. Later on, years later, now, even still, uh, it's a funny thing - it happened on a Sunday and every Sunday about the time I was taken on board that ship I - find I have no feelings in my buttocks.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Libby Mae Brown: What New York really is, is it's an island, with lots of people, lots of different people... I hope to maybe meet some guys, some Italian guys, and maybe watch some TV.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Libby Mae Brown: I'll always have a place at the Dairy Queen.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: Everybody dance!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: I'll tell you why I can't put up with you people. Because you're bastard people.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Libby Mae Brown: I been workin' here at the D.Q. for about, um... eight months? Seven? I don't know, somethin' like that, it's fun. Just do the cones... make sundaes, make Blizzards, 'n... put stuff on 'em, 'n... see a lot of people come in, a lot of people come to the D.Q... burgers... ice cream... anything, you know? Cokes... just drive in and get a Coke, if you're thirsty.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Dr. Pearl: You have to go where the love is. And the love for me, right now, is in Miami, not Blaine.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: You're squeezing your boobies out!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Corky St. Clair: How tall are you?
Johnny: 6'2.
Corky St. Clair: Really... Wow!More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Sheila: He's teaching me to change my instincts... or at least ignore them.More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
Dr. Pearl: I'm walking on air... you know... this is a sensation which is... forget it. When I became a dentist, I thought I was happy, but this...More Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] Movie: Waiting for Guffman [1996] [10/22/2005 12:10:00]

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