Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993]

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Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993]

[preparing to ravish Maid Marian]
Sheriff of Rottingham: A chastity belt! That's going to chafe my willy!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Achoo: Hey, Blinkin!
Blinkin: Did you say "Abe Lincoln"?More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
[Blinkin, the blind man, is up in a perch looking out for strangers]
Robin Hood: Blinkin! What are you doing?
Blinkin: Guessing. I guess no one's coming.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Little John: Let me introduce you to my best friend: Will Scarlet.
Scarlet: Scarlet's my middle name. My full name is Will Scarlet O'Hara.
[pause]
Scarlet: We're from Georgia.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Blinkin: Oh Master Robin!
[hugging a replica statue of the Venus de Milo]
Blinkin: You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs.
Robin Hood: Blinkin, I'm over here.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: Prepare for the fight scene!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Man in church: Hey Abbot!
Abbot: I hate that guy!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
[referring to the then recent blockbuster Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which Kevin Costner played the role with an American accent]More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: Blinkin, listen to me. They've taken the castle!
Blinkin: I thought it felt a bit drafty. Cor, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He's dead?
Blinkin: Yes.
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while... oh, you were away...
Robin Hood: My brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pogo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.
[pause]
Blinkin: Oh, it's good to be home, ain't it, Master Robin?More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Prince John: Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we're gonna have a lot of fun, huh?More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: And who might you be?
Little John: Oh, they call me Little John. But don't let my name fool you. In real life, I'm very big.
Robin Hood: I'll take your word for it.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: Kindly let me pass.
Little John: Uh, no. Sorry, but a toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll, and if we don't get no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls.
[Proudly]
Little John: I made that up.
Robin Hood: It's very fascinating. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to hurt you.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Sheriff of Rottingham: You know, this wasn't a very smart thing to do, Locksley. I'll pay for this!
[pause]
Sheriff of Rottingham: YOU'LL pay for this!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Sheriff of Rottingham: King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!
Robin Hood, Maid Marian: What?
Sheriff of Rottingham: I mean, don't you know it's illegal to kill a wild pig in the king's forest?
Robin Hood: Is it not also illegal to sit on the king's throne and usurp his power in his absence?
[crowd gasps]
Prince John: Careful Robin, you go too far.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: Rabbi, you seem to be on the side of good. Will you come and share with us some of your wisdom, some of your council, and perhaps... some of your wine?
[Merry Men snicker]
Rabbi Tuckman: Wisdom and council, that's easy. But this is sacrimental wine! It's only used to bless things.
Merry Men: Awwwww...
Rabbi Tuckman: [pauses] Wait a minute! There's things here! There's rocks, there's trees, there's birds, there's squirrels. Come on, we'll bless them all until we get vashnigyered
[drunk]
Rabbi Tuckman: Join me!
Robin Hood: Let's hear it for the Rabbi!
Merry Men: [Cheer]More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Prince John: Save me, save me! Hurt them, hurt them!
Sheriff of Rottingham: Right! Save them, save them, hurt you, hurt you! I've got it!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Sheriff of Rottingham: Over that boy hand!
[pauses, looking confused]
Sheriff of Rottingham: Hand over that boy!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Achoo: Let's get out of this ladies clothing and get into our tights!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: [carrying Marian to the bed] Oh my darling, at last.
Maid Marian: [sliding his hand to the key to unlock her chastity belt] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Broomhilde: [rushes into the room] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Robin Hood: [groans]
Broomhilde: You are not married yet! Before you do it, you must go through it! Or else I blew it.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Maid Marian: I've come to warn you, Prince John and Rottingham have hired men to kill you at the fair tomorrow. You musn't go.
Robin Hood: Well, that's easy. I won't.
Maid Marian: Oh, I'm so happy! They were going to try to lure you there by having an archery contest.
Robin Hood: An archery contest?
Maid Marian: Their archer is unbeatable.
Robin Hood: Really?
Maid Marian: Robin, promise you won't go.
Robin Hood: All right, I promise you won't go.
Maid Marian: Thank you.
[stops for a second, confused]
Achoo: But wait a minute, Robin, didn't you just...
Robin Hood: Cool it...
Achoo: Chilled.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: I lost. I lost? Wait a second, I'm not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Achoo.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Achoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Robin Hood: Oh, my darling, I'm ready for that kiss now.
Maid Marian: But first, I must warn you. It could only be a kiss. For I am a virgin and could never... go all the way.
Robin Hood: But...
Maid Marian: Unless I were married. Or if a man pledged his endless love to me.
Robin Hood: Yes...
Maid Marian: Or if I knew that he desperately cared for me. Or if he were really cute!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]
Sheriff of Rottingham: Don Giovanni, if I may say so, your lizard looks limp.
Don Giovanni: [holding lizard] Yeah, well, when you get to be my age... Oh! My lizard! Oh yeah!More Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] Movie: Robin Hood: Men in Tights [1993] [06/27/2007 12:06:00]

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