Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997]

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Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997]

Trey Parker: You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston."More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Cartman: Screw you guys, I'm going home.
[everyone realizes there isn't enough room to move]
Stan: Well?
Cartman: I'm gonna, just give me a minute.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Chef's Father: [at Chef's rehearsal dinner] Could I have everyone's attention, please?
[crowd quiets]
Chef's Father: Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady.
[sniffles]
Chef's Father: I'm very happy for them both.
[begins to choke back tears]
Chef's Father: Ooh, there I go - I told myself I wasn't gonna cry.
Chef: It's okay, pop.
Chef's Mother: Thomas, you're gonna get me going now.
[begins to tear up]
Chef's Father: I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man, he came runnin' into me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he says to me, "Poppa, poppa." I said, "What do you need, Chef, my boy?" He said, "I need about tree-fitty."
Chef's Mother: Tree-fitty!
Chef's Father: Well, it was about that time I begin to get suspicious. I said, "Chef, my boy, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Boo-Boo the dinosaur wants it." So I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was that damn Loch Ness Monster!
Chef's Mother: Lord, it was scary!
Chef's Father: I said, "Dammit, monster, you quit bugging my children, now. We work for our money in this house - we don't just give money away!"More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Woman: [rrom the Make-A-Wish Foundation] So, Kenny, if you could have one wish, what would it be?
[silence]
Man: What's your wish, pal?
Kenny: [muffled] I guess the only thing I wish is not to die.
Woman: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is not to die.
[long stretch of silence]
Woman: Okay, and what if you're gonna have two wishes? What would the second one be?More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Eric Cartman: [waking up and walking across the hallway to the bathroom just before he discovers he's a "ginger" Cartman]
[sings]
Eric Cartman: You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille...More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Randy Marsh: [making a diagram of global warming damage] Everyone below this line needs to be evacuated. Everyone above this line is already dead. We're stuck here in the middle. These states might be okay, they're balmy. New York is gonna have huge tidal waves that affect this whole area.
[someone giggles]
Randy Marsh: What?
[looks at the board and realized his diagram looks like a penis]
Randy Marsh: Oh, godammit! Godammit!
[erases it]More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Mr. Slave: Oh, Jesus Christ.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Jimmy: You... You're just a hooker and I need to get laid!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
[Kenny has just reached level 60 on the PSP game]
Kenny: [muffled] Yes!
[he dances around in jubilee]
Kenny: [muffled] Woohoo! I did it! I reached level s...
[a truck runs him over]
Driver: [playing his PSP] Oh, yeah, level 4, sweet!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
[checks on the kids in her class to see if their parenting skills went well]
Ms. Garrison: Now, how about our gay couples? Stan and Kyle?
Stan: [determined] Fine!
Ms. Garrison: What?
Stan: No problems at all!
Ms. Garrison: [angry] That's impossible!
[she snatches the egg from Stan's hand and looks it over carefully]
Ms. Garrison: Are you sure you didn't break it and switch eggs on me? Where's my signature?
Stan: It's right there, see?
[he leans toward Kyle in fear; Wendy looks away from the action]
Ms. Garrison: [shouts] Two boys can't possibly take care of an egg!
Kyle: Dude, it's totally fine.
Ms. Garrison: [shouts] It isn't fine! It has two daddies! It may be fine on the outside, but inside it's confused and embarrassed! Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies!
[taunts the egg directly]
Ms. Garrison: Two daddies! Two daddies! C'mon, class, let's rip on the freak egg! Two daddies! Two daddies!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
[gay and straight protesters get a hearing from the Governor of South Park on gay marriage]
Governor: I believe that I might have come up with a compromise to this whole problem that will make everyone happy! People in the gay community want the same rights as married couples, but dissenters don't want the word "marriage" corrupted. So how about we let gay people get married, but call it something else?
[everyone listens quietly]
Governor: You homosexuals will have all the exact same rights as married couples, but, instead of referring to you as "married", you can be... butt buddies.
[long silence]
Governor: Instead of being "man and wife", you'll be... butt buddies. You won't be "betrothed", you'll be...
[makes quote with his fingers]
Governor: ... butt buddies. Get it? Instead of a "bride and groom", you'd be...
[makes quote with his fingers again]
Governor: ... butt buddies.
Mr. Slave: We wanna be treated equally!
Governor: You *are* equal. It's just that, instead of getting engaged, you would be... butt buddies. And everyone is happy!
Woman: [from the lesbian crowd] Well, what about lesbians?
Governor: Well, like anyone cares about fuckin' dykes!
[the crowd goes into an uproar]
Governor: [embarrassed] Oh, God, I was sure that would work.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Randy Marsh: [getting put in a car by the cops after fighting at Stan's Baseball Game]
[shouts]
Randy Marsh: I thought this was America!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Mr. Garrison: [during the school talent show] And now, performing select readings from the movie Scarface, Eric Cartman!
Eric Cartman: [imitating Tony Montana] What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy."More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Butters: [talking on a walkie-talkie] Just walk away! You can put a stop to all this! Just walk away and we will spare your lives! Just walk away!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, I'm pregnant everybody! Now I can go down to the clinic and have an abortion!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Mr. Garrison: [now Mrs. Garrison] I'm pregnant! Woo hoo, now I can have an abortion!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Voiceover: Coming, this summer! It's the digitally enhanced re-release of the very first pilot episode of South Park! Yes, the classic, rough, hand-made first episode is getting a make-over for 2002! The simple, funny aliens are now super badass and cool! Flying saucer? No longer cheap construction paper, but a 4.0 megapixel constructed through a masterpiece of technology! Everything's new! New is better!
Trey Parker: When we first made South Park, we didn't wanna use construction paper. We just had to because it was cheap.
Matt Stone: And now with new technology we can finally remaster South Park, make it look sharp, clean and focused.
Trey Parker: Expensive.
Voiceover: Yes, all the charm of a simple little cartoon will melt before your eyes as it is replaced by newer and more standardized animation!
Trey Parker: For instance, in the scene at the bus stop, we always meant to have Imperial walkers and giant dewback lizards in the background, but simply couldn't afford it.
Voiceover: Get this special enhanced version quick, because another enhanced version will likely be coming out for 2003!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Stan: Hi Kenny.
Butters: I told you my name isn't Kenny. It's Butters.
Stan: Hi new Kenny.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Kyle: We need to go to Canada, as soon as possible.
City Wok Owner: [mock Chinese accent] Ooh, Canada, okay, that's pretty far. Gonna cost you a rot of money. Ret's see... How many people?
Kyle: Four.
City Wok Owner: Four people, Canada, cost a rot of money. Gonna be about 6,500 dorrar.
Kyle: How about 50 dorrar?
City Wok Owner: Fity dorrar? You fly to Canada cost you at-reast 3,000 dorrar.
Kyle: 55 dorra.
City Wok Owner: Hey, stop wasting my time with 55 dorrar. No way I take my plane to Canada for less than a thousand dorrar!
Kyle: Okay... Sixty dorrar.
City Wok Owner: Sixty two dorrar.
Kyle: Okay.
City Wok Owner: Okay, meet me Park County Air field, yellow sesnut, tail number 432-G.
[Hangs up phone]
City Wok Owner: Hee hee. Never try to barter with a Chinese man.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Stan: Oh my god! They killed Kenny.
Kyle: [Unenthusiastically] You bastard.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
[a druggist dressed up as Kenny has died inside Mrs. Crabtree's vagina]
Stan: [shocked] Oh, my God, they've killed Kenny!
[pause]
Stan: ... Sort of.
Kyle: Yeah. They've kinda killed Kenny's look-alike.
[shouts]
Kyle: You bastards!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Cartman: Why does Grandma have to live so far away? Why don't we just stick her in a nursing home closer to us so I don't have to drive six hours to get a god-damned present!More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Ike Broflovski: Cookie monster.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Chef: Hello There Children
Kids: hey Chef
Stan: Chef whats a prostitute?
Chef: Ugh where do you kids get this stuff.Where do baby's come from chef,whats a prostitute chef cant you kids say hey chaf nice day aint it
Kids: Hey chef nice day aint it
Chef: Thank You!
Stan: Chef Whats a prostitute?More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]
Garrison: You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.More Cartoons; South park [1997] Cartoons; South park [1997] [05/02/2007 12:05:00]

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