Emo Philips

« Page 1 from 10, showing 1 - 25 from 240 »

Emo Philips

Emo Philips

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:19]
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:28]
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:36]
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:47]
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:56]
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:07]
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:16]
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:24]
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:33]
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:41]
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:51]
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:02]
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:11]
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:20]
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:32]
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:41]
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:53]
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:01]
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:09]
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:17]
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:32]
I'm a great lover, I'll bet.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:43]
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:51]
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:59]
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.More Emo Philips [10/12/2011 03:10:08]

« Page 1 from 10, showing 1 - 25 from 240 »

Quotes of the month

Anatoly Yurkin The nationalists are the personnel service of regional modernization. (Anatoly Yurkin) [11/06/2019 09:11:00] More


Anatoly Yurkin It is difficult to find a more multifaceted, complex and almost incomprehensible phenomenon than our everyday alienation. [11/12/2019 12:11:30] More


Anatoly Yurkin The property is a geographical map with hand-embroidered alienation. (Anatoly Yurkin) [10/21/2019 07:10:07] More


Author Unknown It all started with the dream of a world where everyone is connected to everyone. David Carroll [11/17/2019 11:11:59] More


Anatoly Yurkin Do not be deceived by reason and intuition, it is better to just continue to believe in yourself. (Anatoly Yurkin) [11/10/2019 12:11:44] More