Jack Benny

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Jack Benny

Jack Benny

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.More Jack Benny [07/10/2011 05:07:49]
Gags die, humor doesn't.More Jack Benny [07/10/2011 05:07:57]
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.More Jack Benny [07/10/2011 05:07:10]
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.More Jack Benny [07/10/2011 05:07:24]
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.More Jack Benny [07/10/2011 05:07:31]
It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.More Jack Benny [07/10/2011 05:07:39]
Modesty is my best qualityMore Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis, and I don't deserve that, either.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Gags die, humor doesn't.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Modesty is my best quality.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhereMore Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.More Jack Benny [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

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