Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy

I was like, ‘Have you all heard me talk?’ … You know, nobody’s making Seinfeld live in Indiana.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Dictionary: Words You Knew the Meaning OfMore Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
My whole career can be summed up with ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
We don’t do that here. We only take urine samples.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the ‘Dirt for Sale’ sign in the front yard.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.More Jeff Foxworthy [08/15/2007 12:08:00]
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:56]
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:03]
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:08]
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:19]
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:24]
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:30]
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:35]
I know God is real.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:52]
I really don't require a whole lot in life.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:36]
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:42]
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:01]
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:08]
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:23]
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:28]
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:33]
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'More Jeff Foxworthy [09/05/2011 02:09:42]

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