George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac
river on foot.
The Washington Post : "President Bush crosses the
The Washington Time : "Bush's conservative approach
saves taxpayers a
Mother Jones : "Bush can't swim".More Journalist jokes George Bush [01/01/2018 12:01:01]
A reporter cornered George W.
Bush at a
"Many say the only reason why you would be
elected for President is
due to the enormous power and influence of
"That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It
how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"More Political jokes George Bush [01/01/2018 12:01:01]
A cargo plane is in
mid-flight over the
ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to
armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot,
navigator, and a
passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why?}
he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South
America!") The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said,
this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the
The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and
buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the
sea and you'll
die along with the rest of us."
hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head
said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all
over the place."
The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the
gun aside and said,
"Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart
and he could keel over at the
shock of my being killed. So if you
shoot me, this plane will still
crash right into the sea and
you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it
for a moment and then held the gun to the
navigator's head and
repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna
spill HIS brains all
over the place."
The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the
gun aside and said, "I
wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other
two guys have no sense of
direction. Without me they couldn't find
their way out of a paper bag
much less get this plane to Iraq. So
if you shoot me, this plane will
still crash right into the sea and
you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought
some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to
head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm
gonna spill HIS
brains all over the place."
No one said a word, at first,
then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator
all brust into laughter.
"He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He
doesn't have any
brains!"More Political jokes George Bush [01/01/2018 12:01:01]
George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are
having a conversation via Al
Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George
Bush, "There is no point of
engaging in further war. I can see
total peace in the future!"
George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell
me what you see?"
Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new
great buildings on one
side and beautiful new buildings on the
other side, and everything is
peaceful and wonderful."
Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I
for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there,
a small building here and small building there, but there are signs
hanging in the middle of the street."
Osama asks, "And what
do they say?"
George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't
read Hebrew!"More Political jokes George Bush [01/01/2018 12:01:01]
Buttons Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.
They begin talking. After about five minutes, Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later, the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well.
"I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge.
They begin talking and George presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!" Bush says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"More News / Politics George Bush [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Crashing Plane The Pope, a hippie, and George Bush were all on a plane that was crashing. The pilots had already jumped to safety and there were only two parachutes left. Without a moment's hesitation, Bush grabbed a pack, yelled "I'm the most powerful man in the universe! I have to survive!", and jumped from the plane.
The Pope, being the generous man that he is, said to the hippie, "You go ahead and take the last parachute. I'm an old man and I have lived a very full life."
The hippie thanked the Pope but said, "Don't worry - we'll both be fine. The most powerful man in the universe just jumped off the plane with my backpack."More Other / Misc George Bush [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Tragedy A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."More News / Politics George Bush [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Bush's Advisors G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.
G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"More News / Politics George Bush [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Star Trek One day, George W. Bush was leaving a very interesting meeting of the United Nations. Once stepping outside, he was met by the Iraqi ambassador, and he started to talk to George.
"You know, George, my children are here on this trip with me to the States, and they have gained interest in your television programs. They have especially like the television show Star Trek, although one thing is bothering them about it...The show shows how the races of the Earth can come together in the starship Enterprise, although, they have never seen an Iraqi citizen aboard the ship, and they were just wondering; Why is that?"
George chuckles a little and gives him a short answer to his question. "Because it takes place in the FUTURE!"More News / Politics George Bush [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
51 Ways To Annoy Everyone 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
18) Change what you repeat every now and then.
19) One word: Caffeine.
20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.
22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.
23) Change what you repeat again.
24) Speak in rapid Spanish.
25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.
26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.
27) Change what you repeat again.
28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.
29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.
30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.
31) Pretend to be drunk.
32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.
33) Change what you repeat again.
34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.
35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.
36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.
37) Change what you repeat again.
38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.
39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.
40) Pretend to be high.
41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
42) Change what you repeat again.
43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.
44) Speak in Gaelic.
45) Blink rapidly and constantly.
46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.
48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.
50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."
51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.More Other / Misc George Bush [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
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