Woody Allen

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Woody Allen

Woody Allen

Oscar nominee for 'Annie Hall' (1977)
Some Brief Thoughts on the Universe: "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." - Douglas Adams.

"I'm astounded by people who want to `know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." - Woody Allen.

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig.

"Computer programming is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
- Rich Cook.

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." - Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes).More Other / Misc Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Sex Quotes "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." ~ Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ~ Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." ~ Rodney Dangerfield

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." ~ Billy Crystal

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." ~ Tom Clancy

"Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." ~ Robin WilliamsMore Men / Women Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Two Jewish women are complaining about a restaurant The first one says 'the food was terrible' the other says 'yes it was and such small portions too' (hat tip Woody Allen)More Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
New Job....... Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Barryís friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table.
BARRY: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a strip club helping the girls backstage to dress and undress.
BARRY: How much?
FELIX: Two hundred bucks a week.
BARRY: Thatís not much.
FELIX: Itís all I could afford. More Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
"Strive to be the man you want your daughter to marry" ~ Woody AllenMore Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
"Don't knock masturbation..." "It's sex with someone you love."... Woody Allen.

Moar...

'Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.'

And lastly...

'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'More Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Someone hit my fender so I told them, 'be fruitful and multiply'... But not exactly in those words. -Woody AllenMore Woody Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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