Quote: You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more? [Chris Rock]
Quote: Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense [Chris Rock]
Quote: I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystander . [Chris Rock]
Quote: I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to (Los Angeles), stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one. [Chris Rock]
Quote: A man is only as faithful as his options [Chris Rock]
Quote: Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o' the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the cops'll pull y'over and before they even look they like 'What the f**k are you doing?' and then they see it's you and they like 'Awww man, it's Chris Rock, it's okay, man we thought you was a nigga'. [Chris Rock]
Quote: You don't pay taxes - they take taxes. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. [Chris Rock]
Quote: If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too. [Chris Rock]
Quote: A white boy that makes C's in College can make it to the White House [Chris Rock]
Quote: Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin' the singin. Paula Abdul?! Gettin' Paula Abdul to judge a singin' contest is like gettin' Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest! [Chris Rock]
Quote: Much like rock 'n' roll, school shootings were invented by the black man and stolen by the whites. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council. [Chris Rock]
Quote: I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' [Chris Rock]
Quote: Aw, man, they gave 'em the Oscar on stage. Next they're gonna give the Oscars in the parking lot. It'll be like a drive-through Oscar lane. You get an Oscar and a McFlurry and keep on moving. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education. [Chris Rock]
Quote: Ja Rule is not Tupac [Chris Rock]
Quote: I think I'd be too hard on a boy -- every day, trying to make him a man, getting him ready for white people, ... Girls don't punch each other in the face. Girls are pretty nice to each other, even, like, on a grassroots level. [Chris Rock]
Quote: You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. [Chris Rock]