We've got to be able to distinguish between dangerous individuals who need to be incapacitated and incarcerated versus young people who... if given different opportunities, a different vision of life, could be thriving, that's what strikes me -- there but for the grace of God. And that I think is something that we all have to think about.More Barack Obama quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
We don't turn back. We leave no one behind. We pull each other up.More Barack Obama quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Obama said if elected his government would "harness technology to confront the biggest challenges that America faces".More Barack Obama quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
We don't turn back. We leave no one behind. We pull each other up. We draw strength from our victories, and we learn from our mistakes, but we keep our eyes fixed on that distant horizon, but we keep our eyes fixed on that distant horizon, knowing that Providence is with us, and that we are surely blessed to be citizens of the greatest nation on Earth.More Barack Obama quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
We long for unity, but are unwilling to pay the price. But of course, true unity cannot be so easily won. It starts with a change in attitudes - a broadening of our minds, and a broadening of our hearts.More Barack Obama quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
You may have already seen a few, these are my personal favorites:
1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon. 7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.
15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.
17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.
18_How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
21_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.
22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.
25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
26_What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.
27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.
28_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.
29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.
30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.
31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
32_What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.
36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.
39_A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.
41_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
42_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life
44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.
46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.
49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.
50_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.More Jokes about Barack Obama [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
He asks, "Obama my man, how did you manage to put together such a wonderful team? Tell me your secret."
Obama smiles and replies, "Well, the first thing that you have to do, Mr Trump, is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
"Well how do I do that?" asks Trump.
"Simple," Obama replies. "The way I do it, I always ask them one simple question." He turns around and yells, "Joe! Get in here!" Joe Biden saunters into the the room.
"Joe," Obama says, "Mr Trump here wants to know how I know if someone is intelligent. So let me ask you this: Who is your father's son?"
Joe thinks about it, and replies, "That would be me, Mr President."
Obama nods. "Excellent, that is correct! See, Mr Trump?"
Trump hates to admit it, but he is impressed. "Very good, Mr President," he says. "Thanks for the advice."
Trump returns to his office at Trump Towers and decides to test Mr Obama's method. He picks up the phone and rings Chris Christie. "Hello, Chris?"
"Yes Mr Trump?" says Chris Christie on the other side.
"I want you to answer a simple question. Who is your father's son?"
Chris is perplexed. After a few moments of silence, he replies, "I'll get back to you tomorrow, Mr Trump." and puts down the phone. Worried about disappointing Trump, he calls the smartest person he knows, Bill Gates. He dials Bill Gates' number.
"What is it Chris?"
"I need to ask you a question."
Bill Gates gets annoyed. "Look, Chris, no more stupid questions, ok? I have a meeting in 15 minutes and I've got to get ready."
"Right, right," says Chris in a flurry. "Who is your father's son?"
Bill is furious. "IT'S ME OF COURSE YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!" he yells and slams down the phone.
The next day, Chris meets Donald Trump for lunch. "So, Chris," says Trump. "You said you'd get back to me on this. Who is your father's son?"
Chris smiles triumphantly. "Why, Mr Trump, it's Bill Gates, of course!" Trump is enraged and slaps him in the face.
"IDIOT!" he yells. "IT'S JOE BIDEN, YOU STUPID SHIT!"
More Jokes about Barack Obama [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
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