Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock

Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock

Chris Rock:
There's this big fuss about prison over crowding! Prison over crowding. I don't get it. I thought that was the whole idea of prison, a place for prisoners to feel uncomfortable. At my house we used to sleep four to a bed but we never tried to hang my father. Jails are so nice they go back twice. They don't have this problem in other countries. Nobody goes to Siberia twice. Nobody goes to Iran twice because it's hard to snatch another purse if you don't got another hand. It's pretty hard to lie to the judge with no tongue in your mouth! We're too nice to our criminals! Prisoners get three meals a day, homeless people don't get anything. That's messed up. I think criminals should get one meal a day: dinner. And not on a tray like normal people, they should put a cow in the courtyard and whatever happens, happens. You miss a meal go to deathrow and get the extra meat off the electric chair. I know that's harsh, but I hate the electric chair. Because electricity goes through there and electricity costs money, tax payers money! My $50! There are alot of cheap ways to kill someone. Like stabbing don't cost a damn thing. Get a stabbing chair. That's all I got to say, Man!



Kevin Nealon:
Chris Rock, ladies and gentlemen.

More Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Wife:
We closin' shop now right?



Old Ernie:
Who said. I never said that.



Wife:
You did, you mind changing, scheduel forgetting fool.



Old Ernie:
Well tonight I wanna stay open you clock watching, early closing, lazy not working, back talking,


[Wife agrees to close]



Old Ernie:
you late staying, always agreeing, butt kissing,


[Wife inquires as to when are they going to close]



Old Ernie:
You when-are-we-gonna-close-up-and-go asking, turtle neck wearing, attitude giving, free loading, going in the back room, butt wiggling, not listening, you coming in from the back room box carrying, teeth sucking, head shaking, husband ignoring, you're not hearing me, isle reshelving, inventory taking, new price tag giving, thinking I was done but I'm not done because I'm still talking, I got more to say you head neck wearing, uh... Ozone destroying, um...


[looks in dictionary]



Old Ernie:
polar ice cap melting, earring wearing, walking out of my site, ducking down behind the damn thing, 38 Calibur Pistol shooting, pointing at me,


[Wife fires]



Old Ernie:
Husband shooting, mess making,


[Wife fires again]



Old Ernie:
, two time shooting neither time fairly wounded.


[Wife shoots again]



Old Ernie:
Okay, let's close the store.

More Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Chris Rock:
Everyone in this room has atleast one gay cousin. You're all thinking about them now aren't you? Well I've got a gay uncle. I call him Aunt Tom. I love my Aunt Tom. I know right now if I was in a fight, my Aunt Tom would take off his pumps and whoop some ass!

More Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Onski:
Yo whassup? Whassup? Welcome to I'm Chillin'. I'm your host, Onski, and sittin' by my side is my real cool cat, he knows where it's at, he's my brother phat, my acrobat, my laundromat, my aristocrat, my diplomat, my place mat, my Gilligan's hat, my fire side chat, and he's all bizzat! B. Real!

More Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Onski:
Now as you may have noticed. My main man B. Fats ain't here. And I'm sad to say that last year, B. Fats converted to Islam and moved to Palestine, where he became the only casulaty in the east bank, west bank rap war.

More Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock Movie: Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock quotes [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

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