Bill Gates

Bill Gates

American business magnate, philanthropist, author and chairman of Microsoft, the software company he founded with Paul Allen
We had planned to integrate a Web browser with our operating system as far back as 1993( filing its first court responses to federal antitrust)More Bill Gates quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Microsoft Research has a thing called the Sense Cam that, as you walk around, it's taking photos all the time. And the software will filter and find the ones that are interesting without having to think, 'Let's get out the camera and get that shot.' You just have that, and software helps you pick what you want.More Bill Gates quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
If you want to improve the situation of the poorest two billion on the planet, having the price of energy go down substantially would be the best thing you could do for them.More Bill Gates quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Energy innovation is not a nationalistic game.More Bill Gates quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
His own government, suing him, that's not Chocolate Sundae!More Bill Gates quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion. With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."

Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution - even reduce your time in Purgatory - all without leaving your home."

A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your computer.

An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello - in character as Father Guido Sarducci - hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.

Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats," the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.

The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci, but critics say MICROSOFT will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to these key intellectual properties.

"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures," said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of the Red Sea - we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene."

But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more successful in marketing it to a larger market. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.

Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms whereby all subjects were installed with Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every home".

Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable religious architecture that will support all religions through emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces according to the religion desired - "One religion, a couple of different implementations," said Gates.

The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious market.More Tech Jokes about Bill Gates [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
...and goes to hell. Satan himself greets Bill at the gates. "Welcome to hell, Bill. Come with me, allow me to give you a personal tour." So Bill follows Satan around, when they come to an endless wall of clocks, each one ticking at a different speed - some tick by at a crawl, and some tick rather quickly.

"Satan, what are all these clocks for?"

"Well Bill, there's a clock of each living person on Earth, and every time they tell a lie, one second is ticked away."

Bill thinks about it for a minute, then says "Satan, I'd like to see my wife's."

Satan replies "Oh, I keep Hillary's in my office. I use it as my ceiling fan."More Jokes about Bill Gates [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

Quotes of the month

Anatoly Yurkin A mistake is a gesture of the subject. (Anatoly Yurkin) [10/19/2019 10:10:03] More


Anatoly Yurkin Cheburnet is implemented out of an irresistible desire to ban Repost. (Anatoly Yurkin) [11/11/2019 12:11:46] More


Anatoly Yurkin Mistake is the essence of alienation. [10/15/2019 06:10:53] More


Anatoly Yurkin Genius guarantees the crowd modernity. [11/13/2019 12:11:56] More


Viktorija Frolova Signs from above are targeted advertising from God. [10/31/2019 05:10:39] More