Tim Allen

Tim Allen

I've always felt, and I don't like to say this because I sound like an ex-patriot, I always feel quite a bit more comfortable sometimes in Canada. For a variety of reasons. I just think it's a politer place. Kind of. You don't have quite the population to deal with but you don't immediately get into skirmishes with everybody. If you had any passport, any terrorist would let the Canadians off the plane.More Tim Allen quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.More Tim Allen quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.More Tim Allen quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.More Tim Allen quotes [07/13/2011 05:07:42]
I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.More Tim Allen quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
His wife warns him "I don't want you to stop at the bar on your way home! I want you to go to the market, buy the snails and then come straight home just after. You always find an excuse to get drunk, not this time if you know what's good for you!"

The guy agrees, takes his basket and goes to the market.

On his way home, he passes in front of the bar. What the hell, he thinks, if I just take one drink the wife will never know.

A dozen drinks later he realizes the night has fallen. Shit, he thinks, the wife is going to be so pissed! He takes his basket and start running toward his home.

Because of the dark, and probably also because of the alcohol, he misses a step just in front of his door and all the snails fly out of his basket.

Shit shit shit! He thinks.

He goes flat on the floor so he can pick back up all the snails sprayed in front of him. The door opens and his wife is looking down on him. She doesn't look pleased.

"Come on you guys, he says, we're almost there! Just one more meter."More Jokes about Tim Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Mustafa al Eih Zeri?


Achmed El Kabul?


Fatima Bin Pardin?


Ali Abdul Olmi?


Mohammed Bin Kadir?


Ali Son al En?
Silence in the classroom.

Ali Son al En?
Continued silence, as everyone looked around the room

The teacher repeated the call, 'Ali Son al En?'
Then a girl stood up and said

>Sorry, teacher, I think that's me...

>It's pronounced Allison Allen

(Email joke from my grandpa, tried to format it for reddit)More Jokes about Tim Allen [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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