Jokes Collection

Because March, April May.

You have to share a room with 11 guys.

And it takes you 4 minute to get hard and 2 minute to get soft.

The worst part? The only woman that sits on your face is your mom.

It's groundbreaking.

...but you get da bad pussay

What do egalitarians eat?

edit: for originality points

Cause they're fucking dead

*chokes*

Americans.

"Aloha Akbar!"

"Lights cigarette"

He said he didn't at first but it's growing on him.

A man walks into a bar and asks for rum and coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, surprised, takes a bite of the apple and it tastes like rum.

The bartender says, "Turn it around!"

The man takes a bite and says, "And that's coke!"

Another man came into the bar and orders gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple and tells him to take a bite. The man is surprised to taste tonic. The bartender tells him to flip it around and he tastes gin.

A third man comes into the bar and the previous two men excitedly tell him about the apples, "You can order anything and the bartender will give you an apple that tastes like it!"

The man, not believing them, says, "Oh yeah? Give me an apple that tastes like pussy." The bartender hands him an apple and the man takes a bite. He immediately spits it out and yells, "That tastes like shit!"

The bartender says, "Turn it around."

Peter Dinklige

One. They hold it in place and expect the world to revolve around them.?

I thought there was a Mexican version of the "Gingerbread Man" story. But it was a flan-fiction.

... When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, "Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter." Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, "Your name has an r after the first letter -- is it Ms. Crunt?"

One is a Goodyear. The other is a great year.

Antagony

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.

When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there.

So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.

Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud......

''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!

A son walks up to his dad and tells him: "Dad, did you know in other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?"

His dad replies: "It's like that everywhere son."