List Quotes

- Mr. Trump, do you think, maybe other countries know better how America should behave, how should Americans live and build relations with other nations?
- Yes, you're crazy ...
- Then another question: maybe other countries are in a position to decide how to live and what to do, without instructions and cries from Washington?
- Yes, you are definitely crazy!

- Why are your dishes broken?
- We swore!
- Why is the sofa broken?
- We reconciled ...

- For whom will you vote?
- For Putin!
- Well it is clear. And then?

In the Russian Federal Space Agency for many years lamented that they have missiles flying horrible, but now they realized that they have an unpredictable flight path.

Please do not be rude to me, because then I have to be rude to you, and I can do it much better than you.

Russia, aspiring to the future - this is when not all have the connected to the gas in the villages, but are already ready to turn off the Internet.

I sympathize with Vladimir Vladimirovich. He has no career prospects.

Lecture in the Academy of Medicine. Lecturer:
- In women in the vagina live lacto bacteria and bifidobacteria ...
Replica from the rear rows:
- Look like it's not a cunt, it's a miracle yogurt!

- And Masha gave me sex for her birthday!
- Phew, what it is not original - gives everyone the same thing!

At a briefing in the White House:
- What will the Pentagon answer to the new Russian weapons ?!
- The Pentagon believes that cartoon characters should fight animated weapons. Therefore, "Chip and Dale rush to the rescue" will be a worthy response.

In a modern fairy tale, the opposite is true: a naked people applauds the king in a suit from Brioni.

The newest defense missiles of Russia can hit New York and Washington anywhere in the world.

Trump decided to give out weapons to the teachers.
Librarians will be given pistols with silencers.

The plan of Russians for today (and not only):
1. Woke up in the morning.
2. Looked up your name on the new 'US sanctions list'.
3. If you did not find it.
4. Go to work make money for compensation to those who got on this list.

Poroshenko denied reports of a vacation on Maldives for half a million dollars under a false name. And reported that in the Maldives rested some Valtsman.

Guys, you know, after the wedding, the women's period will be 4 times longer than before.

- Sophia, do not you dare go to these elections for yourself!
- Yashenka, I'll go for Putin!
- Those who are for Putin will not go to the polls. Putin and without them will be chosen. But those who are against, will go to the poll and these people will be under police surveillance.

- Microsoft offers new concept of a smart home ...
- Yeah, in which you need to close all the windows, go out and enter to have enough memory to turn on the TV?

- Sema, are you going to the polls on March 18?
- Yes, yes!
- But why? After all, nothing depends on you!
- Of course it does not depend. But, just in case, I will support the winner!

- Does your bank give loans on parole?
- No problem...
- What if I do not return it?
- You will be ashamed when you stand before the Almighty ...
- When it will be! ...
- For example, if you do not return the fifth, the sixth person will appear ...

Moischa and Abram walk through the cemetery and stoped near the grave of Sarah.
The cemetery is quiet, beautiful. Abram says:
- How I'd like to lie here, next to Sarah!
Moysha:
- And I would like to lie next to my neighbor Rosa!
- So she's still alive!
- Exactly!

- Listen, my dear daughter: the best contraceptive is chocolate.
- I wonder ... Before, or after?
- Instead!

The doctor asks the patient:
- Did you have surgery?
- Yes.
- So how is it?
- Three thousand dollars.
- I mean, what did you have?
- Only one thousand.
- You again do not understand. I ask, what are you complaining about?
- The fee is too high!

The Russians survived Baty and Chubais, so they are not afraid of any sanctions.

I can't wait for New Year break, to sit in the kitchen, clean the tangerines and see how nothing changes in life and does not happen, under the beautiful flickering of garlands.

Here the people were massively offended that Putin did not congratulate them on the centennial of the Great October Revolution.
you are joking: The King - and will congratulate the slaves with the revolution?!

USA. Sits Russian intelligence officer with an agent on the bench. He also says:
"Listen, I gave you secret information!" Is that - I'm a spy ?!
He calms him:
- No, the spy is me ... And you're just a traitor ...

Ukraine agreed to accept the IMF loan, which Poland refused. But, naturally, it will remain a personal duty of Poland.

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Programmer girls note: if your loved one told you that you are for him in the first place in this life, then remember that programmers start to count from ZERO.

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