List Quotes

Programmer girls note: if your loved one told you that you are for him in the first place in this life, then remember that programmers start to count from ZERO.
- What can be Russia's adequate response to the seizure of its diplomatic property in the US?
- Hold a referendum in Alaska.
"Well, Dad, I'm going home to London," the son said.
"Yes, it's time for me too," continued her daughter.
"Do not you want to say anything goodbye to me?" Asked the president's press secretary.
"We want. Remind us about our Motherland more often. Money transfers", children answered in chorus.
The American black child asks his mother:
- Mom, what is democracy?
- Sonny, this is when white people work every day so that we can receive our benefits, well, there are phones for each member of the family, subsidies for rent, free food, subsidies for a communal and so on.
- But Mom, do not white people get angry about this?
- Of course they are angry, this is called racism!
When he saw Masha on the beach, the mathematician Seryozha realized that what he had considered yesterday as convex surfaces was practically the plane.
Kiev protested to Russia for the construction of railways and gas pipelines bypassing Ukraine, because decent occupiers do not do so.
The swan has crashed, the pike has been shot ... Where are you rushing, troika Rus?
On the "fire and rage" Trump Kim Jong Eun promised to answer "ice and indifference."
An ordinary Jew does not observe the Sabbath. A religious Jew observes the Sabbath. An experienced Jew observes the Sabbath when something is needed from him, not him.
Looking at how much Abramovich leaves former wives, I want to marry him Ulyanovsk.
You can not tell a boring person that he is boring, or he will start to find out why ...
Do you want to make a woman yell, stamp your feet and waving your arms? Just tell her quietly:

- Darling, someone creeps over you.
The governor has a dilemma: where to take the asphalt for roads, to ride a Porsche, which on the waybills is asphalt.
Poroshenko made a tattoo on his belly with a map of Ukraine, and with every day of his presidency the territory of Ukraine only grows.
Patient to the doctor:
- I feel broken and shabby like a deck of cards.
- Let me shuffle you.
- In terms of?!
- Massage ...
People's sign: if Putin is tapped on TV with his naked torso, then soon presidential elections!
Deal with the devil as a loan - first you receive, you give then.
Deal with God as a pension - you give your whole life, then, perhaps, you get it, but it's not certain.
Advertising of a Florida company:
"We prefer to deal with thousands of Arab terrorists, rather than with one Jew."
Company name: "The funeral bureau Goldberg".
Once at breakfast, the wife says to her husband:
- You spoke in a dream last night.
- I hope I did not interrupt you?
A passenger suffering from seasickness asks the captain:
- Tell me, is there a land ahead?
- No, the horizon.
-Thank God it's better than nothing!
- Here, bro, we congratulate you on your birthday and give this bit here.
- Yes, I did not want a bat, I have not yet chosen a gift ...
- Bro, take a bat, go outside and choose any gift for yourself!
- Why do you hire only married men?
- Because they are accustomed to insults and do not hurry home at the end of the day.
Are you tired of thieves in power? Do you want to drive them away and change them to other thieves? Or maybe you miss the civil war? Do you want to reduce the average salary by 3 times? Or in your life there is not enough cookies?

There is a way out - build the Maidan! (Recommended by the US Department of State)
In Japan, the government was fucked up and resigned in full.
In Russia, the government has screwed up and raised its salary twice.
In the beginning were the watch of the Patriarch. Then there were the watch of Peskov and the wedding on the expensive yacht. Then there was the plane and the dogs of Shuvalov, the yacht of Sechin and a billion Roldugin. Then there was Medvedev's duck. And now, there was the wedding of Khakhaleva. All this was ...
But, none of them, get nothing for what!
Everyone has his own ideas about equality. Some believe that equality is when everyone at the same time comes to the finish line, others - when everyone starts at the same time from the starting line.
My mother-in-law talks so much that, when she rests on the sea, she even has glands covered with sunburn.
One girl learned to kiss on tomatoes and sucked the brain of the first guy.
A man comes one day earlier from a business trip, and catched at home his wife's lover with some unknown woman.
If you steal a little - you will get a long time. If you steal a lot - nothing will happen for it. And if you steal very much, most of all, you can already put others to jail!

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