List Quotes

Mike Pence decides to postpone his campaign. Perhaps he decided that it was easier for him to launch his own brand of military-strategy board games than to become president.
Elon Musk: 'I can launch a rocket into space.' Shlomo Karhi: 'And I can turn off your signals on Earth.'
French children will dress up as anti-terrorists for Halloween this year. Accessories: radio and metal detector.
French public transport on Halloween: 'Every passenger gets a bonus! Free search from the Ministry of Internal Affairs!
Iran is clearly the aggressor! They even decided to direct their sandstorms towards US military bases!
Have you seen how provocatively Iran built its mountains so close to US bases?
Iran wants war! They even placed their cities next to US radars!
There is a new prime minister in Slovakia with an anti-Ukrainian position. First decision? Replace keys on computer keyboards: now instead of 'Ukraine', autocorrect offers 'That country'.
The new Prime Minister of Slovakia with an anti-Ukrainian position. Already proposed a new national game - 'Not borscht'.
Have you heard that a new prime minister with an anti-Ukrainian position was appointed in Slovakia? Yes, from now on borscht will only be served cold in cafes in Slovakia!
- What is democracy?
- Well... this is freedom of speech and the rule of law.
- And freedom of speech is when you can say what you want about whomever you want?
- Yes. But how much it will cost is to check with your lawyer.
A little girl asks her older brother:
-What is love?
- This is when every day you steal a chocolate bar from my briefcase, and I put a new one in there every day.
I buy coffee from a barista:
- What kind of education do you have?
- I'm a priest!
- Why don't you work in your specialty?
- I'm working! I make divine coffee!
Amid the worsening situation in the Middle East, more than a million Israelis remembered their Russian roots...
I always agree with people. Because if I don't agree, they will continue to talk.
McCarthy refused to allow Zelensky to speak due to his 'stressful work schedule.' In response, Zelensky suggested holding a stand-up show to relax lawmakers.
Murdoch and Soros transfer the business to their sons. I wouldn't be surprised if Bill Gates announced tomorrow that he's handing Microsoft over to his cat.
The transfer of business from Murdoch and Soros to their sons is inspiring parents around the world. Now every parent says to their child: "Did you see? It's never too late to take matters into your own hands... even if you're 37 or 50!"
Men are said to receive, on average, about two compliments in their lifetime:
- What a wonderful baby was born
And
- What a good man he was.
When bright-faced comrades from Israel start howling something about anti-Semitism in Russia, I give a simple fact:
In Russia there is a Rubinstein street in St. Petersburg, but I don't remember anything in Israel about the streets of Ivan Konev, who liberated Auschwitz.
I want to remind vegans that we were kicked out of Paradise because of the apple, not because of delicious fried chicken.
Victoria Nuland: The only coups that are constitutional are those in which I handed out cookies to the rebels. If first there was a coup, and then I have to come and threaten - this is a violation of the order based on the rules.
What does it get.
The West got Ukraine rich in crests, and Putin got Africa rich in fossils?
- Did you get the file?
- No.
- Then I'll send it out now.
- Mom, what is the difference between a fairy and a witch?
- Mood, daughter, only mood.
One man met a beautiful woman and immediately decided to marry her.
She:
But we don't know each other at all.
He:
- These are trifles. We will learn more over time.
The woman agreed and they married and went on their honeymoon. One morning, lying near the hotel pool, the man suddenly got up, climbed a ten-meter tower and dived into the water from there. The jump was filigree. Three turns, in a bent position, etc. He entered the water like an arrow.
She:
- That was incredible!
He:
- I was an Olympic champion in tower jumping. See, I told you that we would learn more about each other.
The woman then also got up, jumped into the water and swam 300 meters with incredible speed.
He:
- That was incredible! Are you an Olympic champion too?
She:
- No, I worked as a prostitute in Venice... on both sides of the canal...
- What is your favorite drink in the morning?
- A difficult question... Do I have to go to work?!
A cool yacht in the sea. On it, all in white, the owner stands on the deck and catches fish with a golden rod. Servants bustle around - they serve champagne and caviar on golden trays; awesome girls sunbathe topless. But nothing pleases the owner - only one trifle is caught. Suddenly, a boat appears next to the yacht. There is a man drunk in a hollow in it, and the boat is full of fish - one larger than the other. A man is rowing on a fragile boat, yelling songs, everything is hurting him - life is good! The owner of the yacht looks sadly at the peasant's catch and says:
- That's how it always is! For some, everything, and for others, nothing.
Ukrainian policy towards Russia:
"Neighbor, give me something to eat, otherwise I have no shit for your door ...".
A wife and husband guess a crossword puzzle:
- Wrong only once.
- Husband?
- No, it fits - a sapper.

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