Jokes Collection

The first walks up to St Peter and St Peter says, "I'm sorry to tell you, but heaven is getting a bit full, so at the moment we are only accepting people who's deaths have been tragic. Tell me what happened and I'll let you know if I can let you in."

"Well I came home early from work because I was suspicious that my wife was cheating on me. I searched the house but there was no one there except her, so I figured I was wrong. I grabbed a snack from the cupboard and went out onto the balcony of my apartment to clear my head, and sure enough, there's this guy hanging by his fingertips from the edge, trying to stay out of sight. So I look around and see a hammer I'd been using the day before. I snatch it up and start hitting away at his fingers. He quickly falls the twenty stories to the ground and I look over the railing in triumph, but the lucky bastard has landed in some bushes and seems stunned but otherwise fine. In a fit of rage I run inside, pick up my fridge with inhuman strength and hurl it over the balcony and it squashes the adulterous asshole dead. Problem was that the exertion had given me a heart attack, and moments later I found myself here."
St peter looks aghast, "That is simply horrible, I'm so very sorry. Please, please come in." And the first man enters in to heaven.

The second man approaches and St Peter gives him the spiel about heaven being full and them only letting in people with tragic deaths.
The second man nods and says, "I was working out on the balcony of my twenty first floor apartment, which has been having renovations done and the railing was down. Not real smart I suppose, but I didn't want to ruin the new carpet with sweat. Anyway I had just finished a set of push ups when my sweaty hands slipped and I fell off the balcony. Luckily I caught the edge of the balcony one story below but because of my work out I was too tired to pull myself up. I cried out for help but no one seemed to hear. Finally someone came out and I thought I was saved but before I could ask for help the manic grabs a hammer and starts beating on my fingers. I fell to what I thought was my death only to be saved by landing in some bushes below. I was climbing free and thanking my lucky stars when out of nowhere a fridge smashes down crushing my legs and stomach. It took a few minutes of agonizing pain, but eventually I bled to death and woke up here."
"That's awful," says St Peter, "You'd better go in."

And so the second man enters into heaven. The third man approaches St Peter who tells him the same as the last two. Heaven is full, tragic death's only. But before he can start, St Peter adds, "and those last two were absolutely horrible. To get in your story is going to have to be really heart wrenching. I mean we've already filled the daily quota. There is almost no chance I can let you in."

"O.K picture this: I'm sitting naked, inside a fridge..."