List Quotes

What's the difference between comedy and drama? When Jen Psaki speaks, it's comedy. When President Obama repeats her nonsense, it's drama.
Can a woman get pregnant by another woman?
Yes, if one of them is competing in the Olympics.
The girl boxer failed the gender test.
She turned out to be a woman, so she was not allowed to compete in the women's competition.
- Roza Markovna, look at the fabric I bought for my Semyon's tie.
- The fabric is wonderful, but isn't it too much for a tie?
- And I'll make myself a dress from the leftovers.
From family life.
- It's time to stop these stupid, senseless expenses, - the husband declared to his wife.
- My dear, I don't spend more than you earn. I just spend a little faster.
The near future... An American athlete has demanded an Olympic gold medal for himself because he feels like an Olympic champion.
John, do you know the events that brought shame to France? Napoleon's Battle of Waterloo and Macron's Olympics.
John, sipping a cocktail, tells the company:
- It's all strange: my grandmother rode a horse, but was afraid of cars. My mother drove a car, but was afraid of airplanes. My daughter loves to fly on airplanes, but is afraid of horses...
There's panic on Wall Street.
Who knew that if you let 12 million illegal immigrants into the country, unemployment would increase.
Because Britain can no longer plunder its colonies, the population is forced to plunder its own stores.
Men want a woman's figure to be shaped like a guitar. Most often, such claims are made by those men whose outlines resemble a drum.
"I'm not just a woman, in my soul I'm a 10-year-old girl," Algerian boxer Iman Khelif, who beat up an Italian in the ring, promised to also take part in children's competitions.
The Pension Fund demanded that 'wishes for long life' be recognized as extremism.
Dolphins are such intelligent creatures that almost as soon as they are caught and released into a pool, they train the people who service the pool to bring them fish three times a day.
- Dude, admit it, how did you manage to drag her into bed?!
- We looked at the stars together, I read her poetry, told her jokes...
- And that's it?!
- And, of course, brandy...
Paradox
19th century - Democrats buy blacks.
20th century - Democrats hang blacks.
21st century - blacks vote for Democrats.
Where Biden sits, there is real estate!
Do you remember?
The FUTURE will come - the 21st century! And THEN we will decide:
What is better: antigravity or teleportation, warp drive or wormhole?

The 20th century is over, it's the 21st. And now we decide:
What is the difference between jihad and hijab, niqab and kebab, shawarma and shavarma?
Did you hear Justin Trudeau's wife is leaving him?
She finally caught him screwing Canadians!
Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election
He always did want to be a minority.
What did Justin Trudeau say to a black guy?
"You must tell me who does your makeup, its really well done!"
If you think your dog can't count, put three cookies in your pocket and then give your pet only two of them.
- Tell me, did you marry out of love or under duress?
- My wife says it's for love!
- So, how was the first date?
- I blocked his number during dinner.
I want to learn patience. Immediately!
A pious lady asks the priest:
- Tell me, are men and women together in heaven?
- In no case! Otherwise it would not be heaven, but hell!
If there is an "emergency exit", then there is an "emergency entrance" somewhere!!!
A husband and wife are lying in bed. He is dozing, she is reading a book and suddenly asks him:
- Are you sleeping?
- No, the husband answers.
- Do you want it?
- I want it, says the husband and begins to get excited...
- Well, sleep.
What did Jay Z call Beyonce before they were married ?
Feyonce.
Mike Pence decides to postpone his campaign. Perhaps he decided that it was easier for him to launch his own brand of military-strategy board games than to become president.

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