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There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Thinking and Thought: Thoughts are funny little things, They can make paupers or make kings.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Rusty: You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any circumstances...
Livingston: Rus?
Rusty: Yeah?
Livingston: Come look at this?
Rusty: Sure. More [07/07/2005 12:07:00]
Marlin: I promised I'd never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Hmm. That's a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.More [08/11/2005 12:08:00]
Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor...
Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke! I even wrote it down in my diary - Veronica had a very funny joke today. I laughed about it later that night!More [08/28/2005 12:08:00]
Ron Burgundy: Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.
Veronica Corningstone: You weren't here! Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and my gentleman lover?
Ron Burgundy: I can't believe you did this to me! You read my news!
Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. ?Veronica had a very funny joke today.? I laughed at it later that night!
Veronica Corningstone: I can't believe that I cared for you!
Ron Burgundy: Get out! Just go! We are through! Through! Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!
Veronica Corningstone: You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.More [08/28/2005 12:08:00]
Bratty Kid: I want a bicycle.
Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?
Bratty Kid: I just want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Why... why are you yelling at me?
Bratty Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown!
Jeremy Grey: All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle.
Bratty Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.
Jeremy Grey: [later] Take that, you hyena, don't say thank you.More [08/29/2005 12:08:00]
Forrest Gump: Lieutenant Dan was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so he'd tell us to get down, shut up.
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Get down! Shut up!
Forrest Gump: So we did.More [09/08/2005 12:09:00]
Forrest Gump: [dejected] No shrimp.
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Where the Hell is this God of yours?
Forrest Gump: [narrating] It's funny Lieutenant Dan said that, 'cause right then, God showed up.More [09/08/2005 12:09:00]
UFO Abductee: They took me off into a separate room; I seen 'em takin' different people off; different ones of us off in separate rooms and put me on a big white table and uh the guy that took me in there - to examine me I guess - he probed me and then I was in there I bet more than three or four hours, in that room, being probed and at one time or another these different ones of 'em came in, four or five or six of 'em at different times, and all of 'em probed me, uh, not all at once, you know, individually. Later on, years later, now, even still, uh, it's a funny thing - it happened on a Sunday and every Sunday about the time I was taken on board that ship I - find I have no feelings in my buttocks.More [10/22/2005 12:10:00]
School Master: By the way, what was the joke back there, I could do with a laugh?
Fergus: I messed up my clothes a bit last night, and my mammy, said she'd send me to school bare-assed.
School Master: I find that prospect more horrifying than amusing.
Fergus: Yes sir, but its just given me a funny idea.More [10/30/2005 12:10:00]
I was not particularly bright, I wasn't very athletic, I was a little too tall, odd, funny looking, I was just really weird as a kid.More [10/30/2005 12:10:00]
Sandra: No one speaks of pavilions anymore, and that saddens me.

Sandra: Funny Girl was hot, hot, hot that year. And I begged my father to take us to see it, but he couldn't get his hands on a single ticket. Instead, he took us to see a matinee of Any Wednesday with Sandy Dennis. He said, Let's go see a woman who's going to be doing the exact same thing for the next 20 years. But she did it best in Any Wednesday, you have to admit.

Sandra: Come back to the Five and Dime, Barbra Streisand, Barbra Streisand.

Sandra: [about Barbra Streisand] ... she went down the Stoney End. She never wanted to go down the Stoney End, but somebody forced her down the Stoney End. We miss you, Barbra. Come back to the Five and Dime, Barbra Streisand, Barbra Streisand.

Sandra: I can recall to this day the thrill of knowing someone in an all-American family was losing her grip. The thought of the family hovering together terrified really turned me on. It was as if I could go over and reassure them and tell them I would take care of everything.

Sandra: It was a portrait Normal Rockwell forgot to paint: someone's mother home again ^Å in oils.

Sandra: When I was a little girl, I used to go home for lunch every day, and I'd pretend that my mother was a waitress in a roadside cafe. I'll have a side order, ma'am. A side order consists of a white-meat tuna, a dollop of mayonnaise, some carrot strips and potato chips. And then I'd sit at the counter... and ignore her.

Sandra: My parents got divorced five years ago after 38 years of marriage. I thought, oh what perfect timing.

Sandra: [talking about her new mother-in-law] I remember the first time I met her. My dad came to pick up me and my brother at my mom's house. He pulled up in a Thunderbird, and I got in the back seat, and I said, Dad, why didn't you bring a bigger car? She said, Don't bitch. We could've brought the TransAm. Don't wear your seatbelt. Where I come from, people die - they burn up when they wear their seatbelt. Charmed.

Sandra: The last time I went anywhere with my parents before the divorce, we'd gone to Vegas 'cause I was doing the telethon with Jerry Lewis. And we'd just had dinner at the Stardust Hotel, one of the eight international restaurants -- I believe it was Aku Aku, the Polynesian. And my mother grabbed a handful of after-dinner mints, and she started choking on them. So me and my brother walked really far ahead in the casino. And my dad finally got her a glass of water, and she washed it all down. She went, Oh my God, there must have been dust on those mints.

Sandra: My father's a proctologist. My mother's an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.

Sandra: ...there was something really great about growing up in a liberal, intellectual, Jewish household with three sensitive older brothers. But there were times, I have to admit, that I really got caught up in the romance of being gentile, especially around Christmas time.

Sandra: [imitating a gentile mother at Christmas] Oh sure, your father may be going through a little bit of a mid-life crisis. But I worship that man, and I adore you kids. You both have been under so much pressure lately, what, with the cotillion coming up, Babe. Get some sleep. Grandma's coming over real early. We have some terrific presents to open. Sweet dreams. Love ya. And may all your Christmases be white.More [11/14/2005 12:11:00]
Sandra: Funny Girl was hot, hot, hot that year. And I begged my father to take us to see it, but he couldn't get his hands on a single ticket. Instead, he took us to see a matinee of Any Wednesday with Sandy Dennis. He said, Let's go see a woman who's going to be doing the exact same thing for the next 20 years. But she did it best in Any Wednesday, you have to admit.More [11/14/2005 12:11:00]
Sergeant Tyne: It's a funny thing, how many people you meet in an army that cross your path for a few seconds and you never see 'em again.More [11/24/2005 12:11:00]
Parker: Don't you think it's funny that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches me, she's fighting for her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, I'm a homophobe?More [12/08/2005 12:12:00]
TV Thompson: Nice kids, aren't they?
Ryder Smith: Yeah, maybe a little too nice.
TV Thompson: Yeah, funny thing about women, if you don't make a big pitch for them, they get mad. If you do, they get mad. How can you win?
Ryder Smith: You can't, you're not playing for the same stakes.
TV Thompson: Boy, I know what you mean. While you're seeing stars, they see a wedding ring. They're so darn, practical.
Ryder Smith: You know something. I don't think they realize what a risk marriage is for men.
TV Thompson: Well not so much for a guy like you, you can afford to be wrong. I can't even afford to be right.More [01/23/2006 12:01:00]
The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.More [03/20/2006 12:03:00]
Sa smart, relentlessly funny party record that takes the proud-slut posturing of Lil' Kim and Foxy Brown to the next level.More [03/22/2006 12:03:00]
Her approach is fresh and funny as hell, and the record simply sounds like no others out there.More [03/22/2006 12:03:00]
Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke.More [04/07/2006 12:04:00]
That's the funny thing about Fever, which has been a kind of thorn in our side, although I don't think The Sixth Sense had even come out yet when we shot the movie. My film is so not a whodunit, and it so doesn't have a big surprise ending.More [04/07/2006 12:04:00]
At first I was supposed to be the funny central figure, ... But with that format the show might have lasted about four weeks. The way it worked out is, the other people say the funny lines and my character looks on as an observer.More [04/08/2006 12:04:00]
When you see these fights on TV you see all these celebrities in the front row, so we thought it'd be funny if we called in some of our friends.More [04/10/2006 12:04:00]
Oh, man, Phil thought I was in deep s**t after I smashed the windshield driving through a soccer goal, but the next day when it was time to take the rental car back, Rake Yohn thought it would be funny to set the AM radio on fire. Well, the whole car blew the f**k up forty seconds from my house, and the only thing I had to pay was the nine bucks for the extra insurance.More [04/10/2006 12:04:00]
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.More [04/12/2006 12:04:00]
The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.More [04/12/2006 12:04:00]
Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.More [04/12/2006 12:04:00]
There's no question about it, but it's also very funny because it's very satirical and written in the same kind of Batmanesque humour that our show was written.More [04/15/2006 12:04:00]
Why would they have gone to the trouble to hire the best comedy writers in the business to write funny material for us to play straight, if the children in our audience were the only audience.More [04/15/2006 12:04:00]
We showed we could do a funny show without a boyfriend and be funny.More [05/07/2006 12:05:00]
I'm doing a very funny show in which we talk about issues. I speak at Aids charities and things. It's great to do something fun with our days and yet we're told we're doing something important.More [05/07/2006 12:05:00]
Sylvester Stallone is very funny and he's a great guy to hang out with.More [05/08/2006 12:05:00]
We had a good sense of humor about it, because we knew what we were holding on to and how it was going to exceed expectations and [labels]. We weren't running around naked in chaps swinging pink guns in the air. We knew that, and we found it funny that no one else did.More [05/10/2006 12:05:00]
It was just funny to me that some of our leaders would take that much time and energy to dismiss something that was loved by so many of our people.More [05/12/2006 12:05:00]
Will is extremely funny. The tights, though, they were a little vulgar. I just looked at the tights and there's nothing funny about them!More [05/15/2006 12:05:00]
I have a funny relationship with my body...Ah, it sounds so stupid, but for me there shouldn't be any half way.More [05/19/2006 12:05:00]
I became friends with two very funny men, Steven Webber, and Julian Sands. Working with Kristin Davis has been one of the great joys for me.More [05/23/2006 12:05:00]
I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.More [05/24/2006 12:05:00]
I rejected it many times because I thought it was just another commercial film. Sharon Stone and everything. But then, with one day to decide, I said, 'OK'. I like Sam Raimi and this character's really funny and cool.More [05/24/2006 12:05:00]
I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?More [05/26/2006 12:05:00]
It's upsetting that it is such a big deal. I wish it weren't an issue all the time. It's funny that people say it's a departure, because I've been acting since I was a child. I've played three gay roles out of hundreds.More [06/07/2006 12:06:00]
“James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.”More [07/11/2006 12:07:00]
“All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.”More [07/11/2006 12:07:00]
“I'm finding myself and I get to play a character with range. I'm 15 in the beginning and I grow up to be 36. There's nothing glamorous about Deena, and she kind of butterflies into this diva and I have dramatic scenes and emotional scenes and very funny scenes and it's all these colors and I'm so excited because people are gonna get to see me act for the first time.”More [08/03/2006 12:08:00]
This is funny because I just had a job over the summer for VH1, a project I did called Strange Frequency where I got to play a Goth rock band singer.More [08/10/2006 12:08:00]
You know I'm an actress, not just a funny lady.More [08/16/2006 12:08:00]
But this show reminds me that there are other aspects to me besides the fact that I'm a funny chick.More [09/04/2006 12:09:00]
“It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it.”More [09/13/2006 12:09:00]
“He is who he is. He's not posturing or trying to look pretty or have great hair. He's just a real man and he's funny. There are a lot of actors who don't think funny is cool. So it's nice to see someone of his caliber doing comedy.”More [09/15/2006 12:09:00]
“I really like the idea that Mark appeals to so many people because he just is who he is. He's not posturing or trying to look pretty or have great hair. He's just a real man and he's funny. There's a lot of actors nowadays, American actors that don't think funny is cool, so it's nice to see someone of his caliber doing comedy.”More [09/15/2006 12:09:00]
“When he had a scene, we would stand like a set away and watch, and we were just cracking up. He would just sit funny. And stand funny. He was just so funny in everything he did.”More [09/15/2006 12:09:00]
I do get funny people sometimes coming up to me in supermarkets in America with my picture in their pocket, which is a bit strange.More [09/18/2006 12:09:00]
Especially working with Adam Brody, he's just so funny in every day life. Working with him is a lot of fun. We play pranks on each other.More [10/02/2006 12:10:00]
I just heard a very funny story about somebody who died yesterday, I'm sorry to say so but it was so absurd that you can't help laughing. And the person that was concerned about that story was laughing too.More [10/09/2006 12:10:00]

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Quotes of the month

Aleõandr Kargin Credit is the same sex - first pleasure, then payback. [11/06/2020 10:11:42] More

Evgenijj Tarasov Quoting is easy, it is difficult to quote. [11/27/2020 01:11:40] More

Eugene Ryabyi Sex, like a drug, euphoria is followed by a new desire, and a week later, the unbearable withdrawal begins. [11/14/2020 04:11:33] More

Eugene Ryabyi Your person is always in your heart, even if the meeting lasted for a few moments. [11/15/2020 05:11:00] More

Eugene Ryabyi In order to walk through life with a happy gait, one needs to be engaged to hope and dream. [11/15/2020 05:11:08] More