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The Law of Triviality... briefly stated, it means that the time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
A marriage is a series of friendships. Love serves as its underlying theme. Friendships provide it with the new challenges around which the relationship further develops. Each type of friendship with ones partner comes into being, rises to a peak of enthusiasm, and then wanes away in our cedar chest of sentimental values. Every once in a while we go to the chest and draw out a friendship item to give us a shot in the arm. Then we put it away till another day.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Marie: The next item on the agenda is the calendar. Last year we had views of local bridges, so this year I thought we could go for the twelve most beautiful views of...
Chris: [mutters] ... George Clooney
Marie: ...the churches of Wharfedale.
Chris: [mutters] Eleven fully-clothed and a little "lift the flap" for December.More [08/22/2005 12:08:00]
When I was 30, the most expensive item I had was a blouse I bought for $100. I wear jeans and T-shirts.More [09/12/2006 12:09:00]
“Before, being a model, it was just a job, and I was making fun of it. But today, I take my career more seriously. The fact that a reader may buy an Armani item because she'd seen it on me in a magazine is very important to me. So much so that I intend to launch my own label.”More [09/25/2006 12:09:00]
Gladys: [after installing a lot of traps] Did you put this one in, this D-pelter turbo?
Dwayne: That's a contraban item mam. As it is illegal in every state,
[with his hand over his heart]
Dwayne: except Texas.
Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you.
[as he tosses a stuffed bear in it]
Dwayne: Adios, animal infenstation.
RJ: [it traps it] AHHHHH!
Gladys: [we see it in a cage, with outside burned off] Ohhh, very nice.More [04/27/2007 12:04:00]
It’s like free money. If an item is $50 and you have a card for $35, then you get something for only $15. Psychology takes overMore [11/27/2007 12:11:00]
Ratigan: [reading a list of newly devised laws] Item 96: A heavy tax shall be levied against all parasites and spongers, such as the elderly, the infirm, and especially little children.More [01/09/2008 12:01:00]
Kasper Gutman:
Well, sir, what do you suggest? We stand here and shed tears and call each other names... or shall we go to Istanbul?



Joel Cairo:
Are you going?



Kasper Gutman:
Seventeen years I've wanted that little item and I've been trying to get it. If we must spend another year on the quest... well, sir, it will be an additional expenditure in time of only... five and fifteen seventeenths percent.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jake Pindalest:
Here's the item we were talking about the other day. I think you'll find it satisfactory.



Tate Riling:
United States dollars are usually satisfactory, aren't they?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
J.J. Hunsecker:
How do you spell Picasso, the French painter?


[writes on his pad]



J.J. Hunsecker:
It's an item - I hear he goes out with three-eyed girls.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Tony Armotti:
So what do you want? An amusing item for the eggheads back home? A chapter headed, "Interesting morons I've known"?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[deliberate double-entendre in item about door knockers at York Minster]



Chris Wenner:
Why not go along to the cathedral and see if you can't have a look at the two knockers side by side.



Simon Groom:
Hmmm. What a beautiful pair of knockers.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ted Baxter:
Say, Murray, I just read this item I think we should use. It's about a man who went on TV to make a plea to send Turkeys to convicts.



Murray Slaughter:
For pets or for dinner?



Ted Baxter:
I don't know! I think it was in "Ar-Kansas."



Murray Slaughter:
Yeah, I think they're doing the same thing in Arkansas too.



Ted Baxter:
How do you like that! It's spreading from state to state!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Rod Serling:
Good evening, and welcome to a private showing of three paintings, displayed here for the first time. Each is a collectors' item in its own way - not because of any special artistic quality, but because each captures on a canvas, and suspends in time and space, a frozen moment of a nightmare.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[opening of the very first "New Price is Right" on September 4, 1972]



Johnny Olson:
A fortune in fabulous prizes may go to these people today if they know when The Price is Right. Sandy Florinar, stand up. Paul Levine, stand up. Connie Dunnall, stand up. Myra Carter, stand up; and all four of you, come on down. You're the first contestants on "The New Price is Right!"


[theme plays]



Johnny Olson:
And now, here's the star of "The New Price is Right": Bob Barker!


[Bob enters to throngs of applauding people]



Bob Barker:
Oh, my, thank you, thank you so much, welcome to "The New Price is Right"; and let me assure you fans of the old "Price is Right" that this is your favorite game still based on the pricing of merchandise with wonderful awards for smart shoppers. We call it "The New Price is Right" because we have some exciting new games that you will enjoy right there at home with our studio audience, and we're going to get that first game going right now. Here's the first item up for bids on "The New Price is Right."



Johnny Olson:
It's a fur coat.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Rodney:
[they've just bought boxes of dolls and Rodney is reading the item description] Del, these dolls aren't called Barbie or Sindy. These dolls are called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle.



Del Boy:
You can't get dolls with names like that.



Rodney:
You can if you go to the right shops, Del!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Eddie Muntz:
[demonstrating his products] Now here's a little item I think you might go for in a big way - Dragonteeth mines. Made in the US and used successfully in Vietnam, I might add. These little honeys won't kill ya', but they're guaranteed to take a foot off. Take a couple of samples, take 'em home, see if you like'em, let me know how many you need. Okay?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
The Geek:
[takes item from Caroline] Oh thank you, thanks.



Caroline:
Ha ha ha! Now we're both on the pill.



The Geek:
What?


[spits out]



The Geek:
You gave me a birth control pill? Do you know what that can do to a guy my age?



Caroline:
I know exactly what they do for a girl my age. It makes it OK to be really, super-careless!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Brooke:
I'm just going to remind everybody that during this turmoil I'm still in charge, I'm still the one calling the shots. Forrester Creations has and always will be a company run by Brooke Logan, with her style, her vision, her agenda.



Stephanie:
*I* built this company. Eric and I built this company. And every line, every item of clothing that goes out of here has the Forrester label on it, not Logan.



Brooke:
Well, maybe someday I'll change that too.



Stephanie:
You know, I don't think I've ever hated you more than I do at this moment.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ray Combs:
Thank you. Thank you so much and welcome to Family Feud. I'm Ray Combs, the new host of the show. Happy birthday America. Let me say that first of all its a pleasure to be with you. Today we're going to see two wonderful families battle it out for family honor on their way to five thousand dollars, with a chance for five thousand dollars, but I want you to know that I'm excited about being on CBS and hosting this show. I have been studying all the great CBS shows. I think I'm prepared so if you're ready let's have the first item up for bids.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Diane Gerard:
Ball!



Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga:
Ball!



Diane Gerard:
Good! Bounce the ball!



Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga:
Bounce ball!



Diane Gerard:
Good! Banana! Banana!



Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga:
Banana!



Diane Gerard:
Very good!



Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga:
Bounce banana!



Diane Gerard:
No!



Alex:
I hope the next item isn't a hand grenade.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Mr. Peterman:
Elaine, up until a few minutes ago, I was convinced I was on the receiving end of the oldest baker's grift in the books - The Enterman's Shim Sham. Until I remembered my security camera, which I installed to catch other Walter using my latrine.



Elaine:
But, Mr. Peterman, I...



Mr. Peterman:
Elaine, I have a question for you - is the item still with you?



Elaine:
I guess so...



Mr. Peterman:
Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Voice over on one of the HVTV channels:
The next item we have for you on the Home Shoplifting Channel...

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[At a supermarket checkout]



Old Woman:
Execuse me... eight items!



Fitz:
I have eight items! Three bottles of whiskey constitutes ONE ITEM! 2 loaves of bread constitutes ONE ITEM! 6 frozen lasagnas constitutes ONE ITEM!



Old Woman:
SIX?



Fitz:
Two dozen eggs constitutes ONE ITEM ...



Old Woman:
Security!



Fitz:
Four steak and kidney bastard pies constitutes ONE ITEM!


[Security is called]



Fitz:
Oh, for God's sake ...

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Stubbs the Clown:
But that's not the point. The point is, I quit. Quittski! Over-and-outski! That's all she wrote! KEEP MY LAST CHECK, BUDDY!


[hands each item to Screweyes as he mentions it]



Stubbs the Clown:
Here's my shoes, my nose, my horn, my buzzer, my fake arm, my bug-eye glasses, my backstage passes, my hat, my rabbit, HIS backstage passes...

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Mission Commander Swanbeck:
Good morning, Mr. Hunt. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the recovery of a stolen item designated "Chimera." You may select any two team members, but it is essential that the third member of your team be Nyah Nordoff-Hall. She is a civilian, and a highly capable professional thief. You have forty-eight hours to recruit Miss Hall and meet me in Seville to receive your assignment. As always, should any member of your team be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. And Mr. Hunt, the next time you go on holiday, please be good enough to let us know where you're going. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.



Ethan Hunt:
If I let you know where I'm going, I won't be on holiday.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Max:
A Cyberskull action figure? That's a "Must Have" item on my Christmas list!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jon Arbuckle:
Hello, Paradise World! Just smell that fresh air, Garfield.



Garfield:
That's jet fuel, you dummy!



Jon Arbuckle:
Well, the next item of business is to get our luggage.


[the boy's luggage is thrown out of the plane, landing next to Garfield]



Jon Arbuckle:
Hey That's service for you!



Garfield:
Jon, you'd look on the bright side of a train wreck! That was no service! That was assault and battery on our suitcases! I never should have packed my crystal mouse collection!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Auctioner:
Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.



Glen Quagmire:
Fifty bucks.



Auctioner:
She had nine STDs.



Glen Quagmire:
Forty-five bucks.



Auctioner:
And when we caught her she wet herself.



Glen Quagmire:
Fifty bucks.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Silf and Olly are taking calls from the audience]



Olly:
Next caller.



Jargon Scott:
Hi, I'm Jargon Scott.



Sifl:
Uh oh...



Olly:
Hi, Jargon, what's your question?



Jargon Scott:
Well, I was gonna ask you boys if you'd be interested in, uh, purchasing a little item I've got here.



Olly:
Not legless dogs...



Jargon Scott:
Today I am offering legless dogs.



Olly:
No, I'm sorry, we're not interested.



Jargon Scott:
Now listen, hear me out... You never have to walk 'em.



Olly:
Oh gosh...



Jargon Scott:
They're like cuddly throw pillows.



Olly:
No, look, we just...



Jargon Scott:
Like cats with personality.



Olly:
We just can't really...



Jargon Scott:
They never run away.



Sifl:
True, but...



Jargon Scott:
They're safe around children. What do you guys say?



Sifl:
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we're not interested, sir.



Jargon Scott:
Hear me out buddy.



Olly:
Well, I'm sorry, we're gonna have to take another call...


[They hang up on him]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Looking at some item of clothing in a shop]



Terry Bohner:
Honey, can you run your hand over this? What are you getting?



Laurie Bohner:
I'm getting a bounce, but there's a lightness within it.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Before, being a model, it was just a job, and I was making fun of it. But today, I take my career more seriously. The fact that a reader may buy an Armani item because she'd seen it on me in a magazine is very important to me. So much so that I intend to launch my own label.More [08/10/2011 03:08:21]
I'm real excited about being on CBS and hosting this show. I have been studying all of the great CBS shows. I think I'm prepared, so if you're ready, let's have the first item up for bids.More [10/03/2011 03:10:15]
With research, the informed buyer is going to be able to say, 'The item is worth about thisMore [12/15/2011 05:12:51]
With research, the informed buyer is going to be able to say, - Hal Varian
'The item is worth about thisMore [12/16/2011 01:12:57]
We now have this item in our files.More [01/22/2012 04:01:19]
If we have to dispose of an item like that now, it isn't just a matter of putting it in the trash.More [12/14/2012 05:12:39]
Items like televisions and computers are considered hazardous waste. If we have to dispose of an item like that now, it isn't just a matter of putting it in the trash. It requires special handling.More [12/14/2012 05:12:50]
I had the closest thing I have ever had to an out-of-body experience lying in bed one morning. I turned on the 'Today' programme and item four on the news was: 'The shadow chancellor has ruled himself out of the leadership.' I lay there thinking that's interesting, then I realised it was me.More [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Science coverage could be improved by the recognition that science is timeless, and therefore science stories should not need to be pegged to an item in the news.More [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I never pick up an item without thinking of how I might improve it. I never perfected an invention that I did not think about in terms of the service it might give others. I want to save and advance human life, not destroy it. I am proud of the fact that I never invented weapons to kill. The dove is my emblem.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
The minister selected a 50-cent item at a convenience store, but then discovered he didn't have any money with him. "I could invite you to hear me preach in return," he said jokingly to the clerk, "but I'm afraid I don't have any fifty-cent sermons.""Perhaps," suggested the clerk, "I could come twice.".More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
The preacher was growing concerned about sparse attendance, so he published this item in the church bulletin:
This . . . is . . . the . . . way . . . the . . . church . . . sometimes . . . looks . . . to . . . the . . . preacher . . . when . . . he . . . goes . . . into . . . the . . . pulpit.
Itwouldlooklikethisifeverybodybroughtsomebodyelsetochurch.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
that and $x can buy you y [where y is an item costing $x].More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Write down the most important things you have to do tomorrow. Now, number them in the order of their true importance. The first thing tomorrow morning, start working on an item Number 1, and stay with it until completed. Then take item Number the same way. Then Num!, and so on. Don't worry if you don't complete everything on the schedule. At least you will have completed the most important projects before getting to the less important ones.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A man is a person that will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn't want.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Dolendi modus, timendi non item. (To suffering there is a limit; to fearing, none.) -Bacon.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Alternate heating sources seems to be a hot item this year.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
[One such item was an early 1900s royal scepter of England's King Edward VII. The lot opened with a minimum of $1,000. Thirty-five bids later, it sold for $40,100.] Any time an item sells for 40 times its opening bid, you've got to give it the credit it deserves, ... This auction has gone a long way to establishing the standards for many collectibles that to this point did not have benchmarks.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
While we do see the benefits of RFID to managing inventory for retailers, we think the item-level tagging poses a serious issue for consumer privacy.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
While we do see the benefits of RFID to managing inventory for retailers, we think the item-level tagging poses a serious issue for consumer privacy,More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
It is very expensive to achieve high unreliability. It is not uncommon to increase the cost of an item by a factor of ten for each factor of ten degradation accomplished.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
[The prince's intentions to crown Camilla have actually been clear all along. Item: the gift of the queen mother's platinum-and-diamond ring. Item: the insistence on a grand wedding at Windsor Castle rather than sloping off to Scotland, the way his sister Princess Anne did for her second marriage, to Rear Adm. Timothy Laurence. Most telling item of all: the sly insertion of the words] it is intended that ... That's what we want you to think now, but not how it will turn out in the end.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
They are the No. 1 item in footwear. They wear them with jeans or skirts.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Even if you have $20,000 to buy an item, you still try to get a good price at antique stores. I collect furniture, rugs, paintings, frames. It's my hobby to go around to shops and markets.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Once the governor puts the item on the agenda it is about 99 percent sure of being approved.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Not only is this a real neat item, but it gives the staff a test run before we actually open to the public.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
It makes sense that search engine users, who arrive at sites they may not be familiar with, are much less likely to purchase a big-ticket item, such as a computer or television, than they are for a toy.More [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

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