germans

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germans

The Germans are the most philosophic people in the world, and the greatest smokers: now I trace their philosophy to their smoking. Smoking has a sedative effect upon the nerves, and enables a man to bear the sorrows of this life (of which every one has his share) not only decently, but dignifiedly.More [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diago, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.More [08/28/2005 12:08:00]
Benno: The Germans like Scandinavian film. What could be more Scandinavian than a horny moose?More [10/08/2005 12:10:00]
The real Brothers Grimm were scholars; they were these amazing heroes in Germany who discovered this folklore and shone a light on it, and made Germans proud of their heritageMore [05/25/2006 12:05:00]
“[To lower his taxable income, Hitler resorted to many of the perfectly legal tax avoidance strategies that Germans still use extensively today. He tried to write off his new Mercedes in 1925 as a] company car. ... only a means to an end.”More [08/07/2006 12:08:00]
Corporal Upham: Uh, Caparzo, right?
Private Caparzo: Hey Corporal, drop dead! And another thing, whenever you salute the Captain you make him an open target for the Germans so don't do it, especially when I'm standing near him!More [04/07/2007 12:04:00]
Tom Jericho: It weighs twenty-six pounds, battery included, and goes anywhere. The Enigma machine - the Germans have thousands of them.
Hammerbeck: What's it do?
Tom Jericho: It turns plain-text messages into gobbledygook. Then the gobbledygook is transmitted in Morse. At the other end is another Enigma machine, which translates the message back to the original text.
Hammerbeck: And you have one of your own.
Logie: Uh, courtesy of the Polish Cipher Bureau.
Hammerbeck: So what's the problem?
Tom Jericho: The problem? The problem is the machine has a hundred and fifty million, million, million ways of doing it, according to how you set these three rotors, and how you connect these plugs. Press the same key any number of times, it'll always come out different.
Hammerbeck: And that's Shark?
Tom Jericho: No. No, no, no, this is the one we can break. Shark is enciphered on a special Enigma machine with a fourth rotor, designed especially for U-Boats - which gives it about four thousand million, BILLION starting positions. And, uh, we've never seen one.
Hammerbeck: Holy shit...More [05/01/2007 12:05:00]
Tom Jericho: Every day, our Typex machines have to be set the same way the Germans set their Enigmas. And figuring out the settings is the hard part. That's where the code breakers come in.
Hester Wallace: What would Claire need to decipher the settings?
Tom Jericho: She'd need a crib. Let's say this tombstone was in code. If I knew more or less who's buried here, I'd have a pretty good idea what the code meant. You try to work out the settings and then type the coded message into the Enigma machine. If the message comes out nonsense, the settings are wrong. If it comes out "Mary Jane Hawkins," you've broken Enigma for that day.More [05/01/2007 12:05:00]
Wigram: Were you surprised when you heard that Admiral Donitz had changed the weather code?
Tom Jericho: Well, the Germans were always nervous about Enigma. That was the reason Shark came on in the first place...
Wigram: But the Germans believe Enigma's supposed to be infallible, because it would take people a thousand years to figure out the settings for one day, and they are changed every day. But we don't use people for that, do we, Mr. Jericho?
Tom Jericho: No.
Wigram: No. And that is the secret inside the secret: your thinking machines. Day and night, clackety-clack, programmed with a menu provided by your amazing brain, narrowing down the infinite possibilities to just a few million. And if anyone tells the Germans about that... there goes the war.More [05/01/2007 12:05:00]
Hendley: Come on, Roger. We all know the score here, at least... most of us do. Your idea of this escape is to... start another front, to foul up the Germans behind the lines. All right, that's fine, that's fine. But once we get passed that barbed wire, once we have them looking all over Germany for us, that mission is accomplished. Afterwards, we have some ideas of our own.
Bartlett: You mean getting home? Back to your family and children?
Hendley: That's right.
Bartlett: Good God, man. Do you really believe I haven't thought about that, too?More [01/07/2008 12:01:00]
Mallory: [On Andrea] He's going to kill me when the war's over.
Major Franklin: You're not serious.
Mallory: Yes, I am. So is he.
[pause]
Mallory: About a year ago, I gave a German patrol a safe passage to get some of their wounded into hospital. I guess I still had some romantic notions about fighting a civilized war. Anyway, they wanted Andrea pretty badly, even back then. As soon as they got behind our lines, they shot their casualties, went over to his house, and blew it up. He was out on a job at the time, but his wife and three children were in the house. They were all killed. I helped him to bury them. And then he turned to me and said that as far as he was concerned, it wasn't the Germans who were responsible, but me. Me and my stupid Anglo-Saxon decency. Then he told me what he was going to do, and when.
Major Franklin: You think he still means to do it?
Mallory: He's from Crete. Those people don't make idle threats.More [01/16/2008 12:01:00]
Mallory: [after the Mallory and his team have overpowered and disarmed the Germans, the Germans are bound and gagged and Mallory's team takes their uniforms. Spiro is about to put the gag on Muesel] Hold it.
Mallory: We are going to leave Major Franklin behind. He is a wounded officer, I expect him to get proper medical attention.
Muesel: We don't make war on wounded men. We aren't all like Hauptmann Sessler.
Mallory: Now where's the camp radio station?
Muesel: I will not tell you.
[Mallory points a pistol at Muesel in a hesitant way]
Muesel: You wouldn't hesitate to kill me for any number of reasons, but not this one. In any event I will not tell you.
[Muesel is then gagged]More [01/16/2008 12:01:00]
We're... letting them starve and thirst to death in-in hospitals. The Germans did that in the concentration camps.More [02/14/2008 12:02:00]
But as a German - and I am German-born - we Germans are condemned once again to be radical revisionists.More [04/08/2008 12:04:00]
King Henry VIII:
You know, the Germans offered me half of France if I'd join 'em... heh... and the French offered me Flanders. Heh heh heh. They're very generous with each other's territory, heh heh heh. In my youth, in Wolsey's time, I'd have accepted one offer or the other, but what's the use of new territories and wars, wars, wars again?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Adolf Hitler:
All upright Germans will be National Socialists, but only the best National Socialists will be party members!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Ilsa:
I wasn't sure you were the same. Let's see, the last time we met...



Rick:
Was La Belle Aurore.



Ilsa:
How nice, you remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris.



Rick:
Not an easy day to forget.



Ilsa:
No.



Rick:
I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Major Strasser:
Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?



Rick:
It's not particularly my beloved Paris.



Heinz:
Can you imagine us in London?



Rick:
When you get there, ask me!



Captain Renault:
Hmmh! Diplomatist!



Major Strasser:
How about New York?



Rick:
Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Senor Ferrari:
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Else Meertens:
Do you think that we Hollanders who threw the sea out of our country will let the Germans have it? Better the sea.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Johan Garme:
The herring will run, Germans or no Germans.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
EriK Toresen:
...I've lived a quiet life. The Germans have not lived quiet lives. We must learn from them how to become gangsters, thugs, useful with knife, dynamite, poison!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Van Zijl:
The Germans know how to make them talk.



Clive Candy:
Well if they are, they're cracking. It's a sure sign. Nobody starts to fight foul until he sees he can't win any other way.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Boris Stepanich Simonov, truck driver:
Comrades, we have good reasons to know our country is at war. In our small village alone, 30 people have been injured. Eleven people have been killed. But his is not a time for mourning - it is time for revenge. We will divide into two groups, each to do his duty from this day until death. The able-bodied men are to come forward to the right of this building. We will move from our village to the hills to take our position as guerrillas. I will go immediate to comrade Commander Petrov's garrison to get the guns. The second group has the hardest job. They must stay behind. As guerrillas, we must have aid and information. As villagers you must, before the entrance of the Germans, destroy everything. Everything, comrades! The houses you have built, the crops you have sown with your hands, the cattle you have raised. The Germans are not more than fifty miles away. Yours is the dangerous job. For this job you will volunteer. It is you who may have to live with the... the Germans.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Colonel Cavanaugh:
[remarking on the poison gas] That little attachment, my dear Mr. Holmes, contains the deadly fluid known as monosulfite. The Germans use it with gratifying results in removing their undesirables.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Charlie Allnut:
I don't know why the Germans would want this God-forsaken place.



Rose Sayer:
God has not forsaken this place, Mr. Allnut, as my brother's presence here bears witness.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Sefton:
The Germans know where Dunbar is.



Hoffy:
How do they know?



Sefton:
You told them, Hoffy.



Hoffy:
Who did?



Sefton:
You did.



Hoffy:
Are you off your rocker?



Sefton:
Uh-huh. Fell right on my head.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Duke wants to know who the German spy is]



Sefton:
It's no use, Schulz, you might as well come clean. Why don't you just tell them it's me, because I'm really the illegitimate son of Hitler, and after the Germans win the war, you're going to make me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Barnes Wallace:
Do you know how much water it takes the Germans to make a ton of steel?



Doctor:
I haven't the least idea.



Barnes Wallace:
One hundred tons. Now just look at this.


[gestures to a map on his desk]



Barnes Wallace:
The whole of this great arsenal of war factories in the Ruhr depends for its water on three enormous dams. The Moehne. The Eder. And, the Sorpe. They control the level of the canals and supply a lot of hydroelectric power as well. When those are full they hold four hundred *million* tons of water. Just think of the chaos if we could break those walls down.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lieutenant George Acres:
Monty, that parachute that didn't open... Suppose we were to drop a fellow out of a plane over enemy territory, with papers on him saying we were going to invade Greece, and his parachute didn't open. The Germans would find him dead, and the papers, and "Aha," they'd say, "Look at this. Officer with secret papers, parachute didn't open... they're going to invade Greece."



Lieutenant Commander Ewen Montagu:
Do we tell the man who jumps that the parachute doesn't work, or is it a sort of practical joke that he finds out on the way down?



Lieutenant George Acres:
Well, of course it would have to be somebody you didn't mind much about.



Lieutenant Commander Ewen Montagu:
Are you volunteering? No, George, it wouldn't work.



Lieutenant George Acres:
What about using a man already dead?



Lieutenant Commander Ewen Montagu:
The autopsy would show he was dead before he hit the ground. Let's get back to the office and think again.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Michael Whiteacre:
Look, I've read all the books. I know that in 10 years we'll be bosom friends with the Germans and the Japanese. Then I'll be pretty annoyed that I was killed.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lt. Cmdr. Charles E. Madison:
You American haters bore me to tears, Ms. Barham. I've dealt with Europeans all my life. I know all about us parvenus from the States who come over here and race around your old Cathedral towns with our cameras and Coca-cola bottles... Brawl in your pubs, paw at your women, and act like we own the world. We over-tip, we talk too loud, we think we can buy anything with a Hershey bar. I've had Germans and Italians tell me how politically ingenuous we are, and perhaps so. But we haven't managed a Hitler or a Mussolini yet. I've had Frenchmen call me a savage because I only took half an hour for lunch. Hell, Ms. Barham, the only reason the French take two hours for lunch is because the service in their restaurants is lousy. The most tedious lot are you British. We crass Americans didn't introduce war into your little island. This war, Ms. Barham to which we Americans are so insensitive, is the result of 2,000 years of European greed, barbarism, superstition, and stupidity. Don't blame it on our Coca-cola bottles. Europe was a going brothel long before we came to town.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lt. Weaver:
[speaking to U.S. Army M.P.s he knew were Germans in disguise at the fuel supply camp, in a sarcastic voice] Does the road to Ambileve still lead to Malmedy?


[then he shoots them]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Resistance leader:
London agrees the art is important. Anything we can do to save it... but they leave it up to us.



Labiche:
Why not? What can they lose? This morning we had four men left in this group. Now we have three. One, two, three.



Pesquet:
Bernard?



Labiche:
We started with eighteen. Like your paintings, mademoiselle, we couldn't replace them. For certain things we take the risk, but I won't waste lives on paintings.



Miss Villard:
They wouldn't be wasted! Excuse me, I know that's a terrible thing to say. But those paintings are part of France. The Germans want to take them away. They've taken our land, our food, they live in our houses, and now they're trying to take our art. This beauty, this vision of life, born out of France, our special vision, our trust... we hold it in trust, don't you see, for everyone? This is our pride, what we create and hold for the world. There are worse things to risk your life for than that.



Labiche:
I'm sorry, mademoiselle, we can't help you.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Miss Villard:
I knew of books being burned, other things... I was terrified that these would be lost.



Colonel von Waldheim:
A book is worth a few francs; we Germans can afford to destroy those. We all may not appreciate artistic merit, but cash value is another matter.



Miss Villard:
You won't convince me that you're cynical. I know what these paintings mean to you.



Colonel von Waldheim:
You are a perceptive woman.


[Schmidt enters, with several other soldiers.]



Colonel von Waldheim:
We're removing the paintings. Pack them carefully.



Miss Villard:
Where are you taking them?!



Colonel von Waldheim:
To a safe place.



Miss Villard:
But no place is as safe as Paris!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Didont:
I don't like it.



Pesquet:
Who does?



Didont:
I mean the art train. If the Germans want it so much, maybe we should do something.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Captain Berghman:
If those tanks reach El Alamein, the Germans have Egypt.



Colonel Harker:
They may have the lock, but we have the key. Without fuel, Jerry goes *nowhere*!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[the Germans are about to overrun the airfield]



Squadron Leader Skipper:
Right! Let's get the hell out of here!



Pilot Officer Archie:
Where are we going, sir?



Squadron Leader Skipper:
[Walking rapidly toward his plane] Why don't you follow me and find out?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lt. Phil Hartman:
Get the men up. We're moving out.



Sgt. Angelo:
Those men are tired. They'll kill us.



Lt. Phil Hartman:
They're so happy we didn't find any Germans here, they want us to keep going until we do.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Italo Bombolini:
It's nice to have a hot meal before you die.



Rosa Bombolini:
You aren't going to die.



Italo Bombolini:
I'm the mayor, no? The Germans come. I greet them. They threaten me! I spit in their face! They put a pistol to my head and blow out my brains!



Rosa Bombolini:
Why would they put a pistol to your head? The whole world knows Bombolini's brains are in his ass.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder:
As a matter of fact, Father, I know I can get my hands on an entire shipment of religious relics, blessed by the Pope himself. The Germans swiped them and put them on the open market. As I understand it, the stuff includes a wrist and collarbones of some of your top saints!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Big Joe:
According to this map, we got a river to cross before we get into this town of yours.



Kelly:
Yeah, well there's a bridge right here, six miles out.



Big Joe:
There was a bridge. The Air Corps knocked every bridge out of that river months ago.



Kelly:
A-ah. Intelligence reports that the Air Corps knocking'em out by day and the Germans rebuilding'em by night. Now all we have to do is get there tomorrow morning at dawn, and we got ourselves a bridge.



Big Joe:
Oh, how about the German Army? Do you think they'd mind us crossing their bridge, eh Kelly?



Kelly:
Probably.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Thomas Ryan:
[talking about the Easter Rebellion] If the Germans had an ounce of sense, they'd send us guns to use against the British!



Charles Shaughnessy:
That's treason you're talking.



Thomas Ryan:
And friends that are listening surely to God!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Dr. Kirschbaum:
Dear God. Protect us from this great disaster. Don't let anything happen at this stage. You have protected us for so long. Stop the Germans from finding the radio. Make the spies blind. Only you know how many spies are here. Fool them. Let the Russians get here real soon. Destroy the radio before it destroys us. You know how cruel our tormentors can be.


[the light starts flickering and then goes off]



Josefa:
Don't give up. All radios need power. Congratulations.



Dr. Kirschbaum:
Thank you, dear God. A wise decision.



Josefa:
You have connections in high places.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Herschel Schtamm:
Dear God. Protect us from this great disaster. Don't let anything happen at this stage. You have protected us for so long. Stop the Germans from finding the radio. Make the spies blind. Only you know how many spies are here. Fool them. Let the Russians get here real soon. Destroy the radio before it destroys us. You know how cruel our tormentors can be.


[the light starts flickering and then goes off]



Roman Schtamm:
Don't give up. All radios need power. Congratulations.



Herschel Schtamm:
Thank you, dear God. A wise decision.



Roman Schtamm:
You have connections in high places.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Capt. Jerome, USMC:
It seems quite obvious, I would think, sir - we must seize the government and make our own negotiations.



Gummere:
[incredulous] Seize the government?



Capt. Jerome, USMC:
At BAYONET point!



Gummere:
[snidely; to Dreighton] Well, I certainly would like to see that old son-of-a-bitch at bayonet point, huh?


[chuckles]



Gummere:
But it's ridiculous; it's outrageous, it's lunatic!



Adm. Chadwick:
Yes, isn't it though? I think Teddy should love it!



Gummere:
But, what about the French, the Germans - the British? Why we're in the shadow of Gibraltar!



Adm. Chadwick:
[slams his hand on table and stands up] DAMN THE LEGATIONS!



Gummere:
[uneasily] You realize, of course, that if we fail in even the slightest way, we'll all be killed?



Adm. Chadwick:
Yes, and the whole world will probably go to war.



Capt. Jerome, USMC:
Gentlemen, if we fail and are killed, I certainly hope the world DOES go to war!


[raises glass as a toast]



Adm. Chadwick:
The world at war!



Gummere:
A world war? Now THAT would be something to go out on...

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Gummere:
[watching the Marines marching through Tangier] I don't think the French and Germans are gonna like this. Too early in the morning for rattling sabers.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Sam Diamond:
The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. She said she was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later, the Germans marched into France.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lt. General Horrocks:
Kickoff will be at 14:35 hours tomorrow afternoon. The Irish Guards under the command of Col. Vandeleur will take the lead.



Lt. Colonel J.O.E. Vandeleur:
[sotto voce] Christ, not us again.



Lt. General Horrocks:
What'd you say to that, Joe?



Lt. Colonel J.O.E. Vandeleur:
Delighted, sir, truly delighted.



Lt. General Horrocks:
I've selected you to lead us, not only because of your extraordinary fighting ability, but also because, in the unlikely event the Germans ever get you, they will assume from your attire that they've captured a wreched peasant and immediately send you on your way.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[Gavin is discussing the glitches that have come up]



Captain Harry Bestebreurtje:
I don't want to hear any more. Is there any more?



Brigadier General James Gavin:
You're my Dutch advisor, Harry.



Captain Harry Bestebreurtje:
What's that supposed to mean?



Brigadier General James Gavin:
Just that the Germans first tried to take Nijmeagen Bridge in 1940; and got slaughtered.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Sheriff Branford:
The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.



Buford T. Justice:
The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
D-Day:
War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.



Bluto:
Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!



Otter:
Germans?



Boon:
Forget it, he's rolling.



Bluto:
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...


[thinks hard]



Bluto:
the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!


[runs out, alone; then returns]



Bluto:
What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...



Otter:
Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.



Bluto:
We're just the guys to do it.



D-Day:
Let's do it.



Bluto:
LET'S DO IT!

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
2nd Lt. Jerry Cimino:
Someone forgot to tell the Germans we're only supposed to have light to moderate flak today.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lord Kitchener:
Needless to say, the Germans couldn't give a damn about the Boers. The diamonds and gold of South Africa they're after.



Major Bolton:
They lack our altruism, sir.



Lord Kitchener:
Quite.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Grand Designer:
Our Germans are better than their Germans.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[the airmen have come downstairs, minus their mustaches, dressed as serving girls]



Flying Officer Fairfax:
Carstairs, you're standing like a tart again.


[Carstairs drops his arm to his side]



Edith:
[looking the airmen up and down] No one will suspect them. They look just like the staff.



René:
Edith, the Germans *take* the staff upstairs from time to time. If they took these two upstairs, do you not think that their suspicions will be aroused?



Yvette Carte-Blanche:
We are much more attractive. They will take us.



René:
And suppose there is a rush?



Flying Officer Carstairs:
What are they saying, Fairfax?



Flying Officer Fairfax:
I've no idea - it's all in French.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
[the airmen have entered the cafe disguised as pallbearers, when a squad of Germans arrive]



Flying Officer Carstairs:
What's going on?



Michelle Dubois:
[English accent] Jerries. Keep quite or you'll be shot.



Flying Officer Fairfax:
[looking down] We're wearing the right clobber for it.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Lieutenant George:
But this is brave, splendid and noble...


[Blackadder doesn't react - there's a long pause]



Lieutenant George:
...Sir



Captain Blackadder:
Yes, Lieutenant.



Lieutenant George:
I'm scared, sir



Private Baldrick:
I'm scared too, sir



Lieutenant George:
I'm the last of the tiddly-winking leapfroggers from the golden summer of 1914. I don't want to die... I'm really not over keen on dying at all, sir.



Captain Blackadder:
How are you feeling, Darling?



Captain Darling:
Ahm- not all that good, Blackadder. Rather hoped I'd get through the whole show, go back to work at Pratt and Sons, keep wicket for the Croydon Gentlemen, marry Doris. Made a note in my diary on the way here. Simply says: "Bugger".



Captain Blackadder:
Well, quite.


[Outside: "Stand to, stand to, fix bayonets"]



Captain Blackadder:
Come on, come on, let's move.


[at the door, Blackadder turns to George]



Captain Blackadder:
Don't forget your stick Lieutenant



Lieutenant George:
Rather, sir. Wouldn't want to face a machine gun without this.


[they walk into the misty trench, waiting for the off - suddenly there is silence - the machine guns stop]



Captain Darling:
I say, listen - our guns have stopped.



Lieutenant George:
You don't think...



Private Baldrick:
Perhaps the war's over. Perhaps it's peace.



Captain Darling:
Thank God. We lived through it. The Great War, 1914 to 1917.



Captain Darling, Private Baldrick, Lieutenant George:
Hip hip hooray!



Captain Blackadder:
I'm afraid not. The guns have stopped because we are about to attack. Not even our generals are mad enough to shell their own men. They feel it's more sporting to let the Germans do it.



Lieutenant George:
So, we are, in fact, going over. This is, as they say, it?



Captain Blackadder:
Yes, unless I can think of something very quickly.


[a voice shouts 'Company, one pace forward.' They all step forward]



Private Baldrick:
There's a nasty splinter on that ladder, sir. A bloke could hurt himself on that.


[another call: "Stand ready" - they put their hands on the ladders ready to climb]



Private Baldrick:
I have a plan, sir.



Captain Blackadder:
Really Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?



Private Baldrick:
Yes, sir.



Captain Blackadder:
As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?



Private Baldrick:
Yes, sir.


[another call: "On the signal, Company will advance"]



Captain Blackadder:
Well, I'm afraid it's too late. Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of here by pretending to be mad. I mean, who would have noticed another madman round here?


[a whistle blows he looks at Baldrick]



Captain Blackadder:
Good luck, everyone.


[Blackadder blows his whistle, there is a roar of voices as everyone leaps up the ladders, meeting the machine gun fire]

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Jay:
Where would someone like Grandma hide her money?



Arty:
You're not thinking of stealing it, are you?



Jay:
No, but what if we just borrowed it? I'd just love to send Pop an envelope with $9,000.



Arty:
Who would he think sent it to him... God?



Jay:
No. He had an uncle in Poland who died. We can say he left the money to Pop in his will.



Arty:
Jay, do you think the Germans would let some Jew in Poland send $9,000 to some Jew in Alabama?

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]
Hana:
The war's over - you told me yourself. How can it be desertion?



Oliver:
It's not over everywhere. I didn't mean literally.



Hana:
[looking at Almasy] When he dies I'll catch up.



Oliver:
[looking over the small cache of provisions] It's not safe here. The whole country's crawling with Bandits and Germans and God knows what. It's madness. I can't allow it. You're not alright, this is natural. It's shock. For all of us. Hana?



Hana:
[bent] I need morphine. A lot. And a pistol.



Oliver:
[clutching at straws, about Almasy] And what if he really is a spy?



Hana:
[impatient] He can't even move!



Oliver:
If anything happened to you I'd never forgive myself.


[as Hana nods and smiles]



Oliver:
... We're heading for Leghorn. Livorno the Italians call it. We'll expect you.

More [06/16/2016 01:06:42]

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