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Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why are you still here?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away
Donkey: There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Where there is a will there is a way, and I have a way. (Coyote Peter)
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Shrek: Does anyone know where this Farquaad guy is?
[Donkey jumps up and down, shouting out like a young child]
Donkey: Oh, I know. I know where he is.
Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him?
Donkey: Pick me! Pick me! Me! Me! (Coyote Peter)
Princess Fiona: Wait. Where are you going?
Shrek: Well, I have to save my ass. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss.
[tears out a page and laughs]
Shrek: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of... (Coyote Peter)
Gingerbread Man: God bless us, everyone. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
[Stands up and looks at herself, then at Shrek]
Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Aright, nobody move. I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it.
[gasps from villagers and guards in the church]
Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge. (Coyote Peter)
Lord Farquaad: Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding? (Coyote Peter)
Princess Fiona: I wanted to show you before.
Shrek: Well, er, *that* explains a lot. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little *tenderness*! Chicks love that romantic crap. (Coyote Peter)
The Donkey: Stop it, nobody likes a kiss-ass. (Coyote Peter)
The Donkey: C'mon, princess, you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. (Coyote Peter)
Princess Fiona: By night one way, by day another / This shall be the norm / Until you find true love's first kiss / Then... take love's true form. (Coyote Peter)
The Donkey: Oh man. I can't feel my toes.
The Donkey: I don't have any toes.
The Donkey: I think I need a hug. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Don't die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light. (Coyote Peter)
Princess Fiona: Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's...
[points]
Princess Fiona: THERE'S AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT.
Shrek: What?
[looks at arrow]
Shrek: Oh, would you look at that. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Hold the phone. (Coyote Peter)
The Donkey: Shrek.
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona: Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are. (Coyote Peter)
The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. (Coyote Peter)
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