George Carlin

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George Carlin

George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-More George Carlin [01/01/2000 12:01:00]
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:33]
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:40]
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:47]
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:08]
Electricity is really just organized lightning.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:15]
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:23]
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:29]
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:36]
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:43]
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:52]
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:59]
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:07]
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:14]
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:21]
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:35]
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:41]
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:54]
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:01]
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:08]
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:16]
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:00]
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:29]
Religion is just mind control.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:36]
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.More George Carlin [07/10/2011 03:07:14]

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