Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001]

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Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001]

Alan Shemper: I went to sleepaway camp so long ago, that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn't the stone age... it was the Ice Age! No, really, it was the Stone Age.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Beth: The phone! The phone! Where's the *fucking* phone?More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Coop: When we first started hanging out together this morning we were just friends, but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So, I am coming, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man, a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her, and yes-have sex with her, but no seriously Katie, I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual, all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Andy: [to Katie] Fuck you, dyke!More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Susie: You guys, I'm really going to miss this place.
Coop: Me too.
Ben: Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Susie: Yeah!
Ben: What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.: You mean ten years from now?
Coop: Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie: Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00? 9:30?
Coop: Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley: Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here by 9:30? I mean, we'll all be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary: Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together: Agreed.
McKinley: Good, because I have something at 11:00.
Gary: You just have like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley: No, I just have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Beth: Oh yeah, there's some kids caught in the obstacle course. I meant to tell you about that yesterday.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Beth: Hey you, penny for your thoughts.
Henry: Beth, tomorrow is the least of our problems.
Beth: Don't tell me, Oh don't tell me, don't even tell me you have crabs!
Henry: No... Yes, but that's not the point.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Can of Vegetables: If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass, just be honest about it. Look Gene, I've never told anyone this before, but I can suck my own dick, and I do it a lot.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Susie: Ok stop, I feel like I'm watching regional theatre you guys. God am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to excersise it. Take a break, think about what you've done.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Susie: Beth, I may regret saying this, but how dare you usurp my authority as producer...
Ben: Hmph!
Susie: ...director slash choreographer of the talent show. I need you to know I have been busting my BALLS woman! I am telling you the musical numbers are a mess, my kids are a bunch of amateurs, and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living HELL! (long pause, now calm) All right, I'll put him on last.
Beth: Good. (walks away)
Susie: Oh she always wins!More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Coop: I want you inside me!
Katie: What did you say?
Coop: Oh hey... from before...More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Lindsay: What 'cha doing?
Andy: Writing in my gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
Lindsay: Oh, you mean a journal?
Andy: Yeah, whatever. I guess I'm not all smart like you.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Gail: I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because I want you to be guests of honor at our wedding next week!
Beth: Well, I hope it's not jumbo shrimp because I'm allergic to oxymorons!More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
Gary: No, dickhead, sex.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Victor: I'm a virgin.
Neil: Wh - you're joking, right dude? I mean you're a stallion, man, you've had like fifty or sixty women, so it's, you know, it's like...
Victor: Actually it's closer to... zero.
Neil: Oh my god, oh my god. You are a loser! You are a loser! No!
[under his breath]
Neil: You're such a loser.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Gene: Now finish up them taters, I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.
Gary: Come on - what?
Gene: Finish up the taters.
Gary: And then what did you say?
Gene: And then what did I say?
Gary: You said you were going to... fondle your sweaters.
Gene: Ah, uh - no I didn't. I said fondue cheddar, I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight.
Gary: No Gene, that is not what you said.
Gene: That is what I said. Fondue cheddar.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Gene: Be proud of who you are.
Coop: Huh? Gene?
Gene: Shh... it isn't about the girl, Coop.
Coop: It isn't?
Gene: Well, it is. But see if you can follow me here... it
[long pause]
Gene: ... isn't.
Coop: Oh. So it is... and it isn't.
[pause, wind blows]
Gene: You are ready to be taught the new way.
Coop: Will you teach me about this - what is it? A new way?More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Beth: Well guys, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Susie: Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Katie: Listen, Coop. Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this. Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Swimming Kid: Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him I'm telling Beth that you let him drown.
Andy: I was busy.
Swimming Kid: It's your job to make sure kids don't drown!More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Mallrat Girl: There's got to be another way.
Cure Girl: Maybe we should just let them all die.
Mork Guy: No! My friend Jimmy's in there!
Cure Girl: You have a friend?
Mork Guy: I'm kidding.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Andy: You French great.
Lindsay: You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Andy: You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore.More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]
Caped Boy: Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. My name is Keith Stat from Millburn, New Jersey. State bird, the mosquito. And as you may have heard I am recently a crowned class B dungeon-master. So if any of you would like to play D&D today, please speak now or forever hold your peace.
[He chuckles, and there is an awkward silence at the table]
Caped Boy: Anyone? Alexa!
[Alexa gives him a withering glare]
Caped Boy: Maybe you would like to join in? We do need a druid, and you have definitely cast a level 5 charm spell on me.
Alexa: In your dreams, douche-bag!
Caped Boy: Douche-bags are hygienic products, I take that as a compliment. Thank you.
[Keith walks off]
Alexa: Ewww!More Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] Movie: Wet Hot American Summer [2001] [12/30/2005 12:12:00]

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