Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
My Vegas act is how I make my money.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?More Rita Rudner [03/12/2018 02:03:32]

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Quotes of the month

Anatoly Yurkin Pension reform is the closed source code of the operating system of the funeral business. [06/27/2019 12:06:24] More


Anatoly Yurkin Pension reform is a crossword puzzle that requires crosses on the cells with the income of the funeral business. [06/21/2019 12:06:23] More


Eugene Ryabyi The summer is the time of rivers and seas, ardent feelings and love stories. [07/06/2019 05:07:50] More


Anatoly Yurkin One prosperity differs from another by promises. [07/09/2019 09:07:03] More


Anatoly Yurkin Pension reform is a claim to the population, issued requests to the funeral business. [07/05/2019 12:07:20] More