Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:41]
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:45]
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:50]
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:00]
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:05]
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:11]
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:21]
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:26]
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:32]
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:36]
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:46]
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

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Quotes of the month

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