Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper

Tommy Cooper

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:41]
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:45]
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:50]
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:00]
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:05]
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:11]
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:21]
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:26]
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:32]
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:36]
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'More Tommy Cooper [10/04/2011 11:10:46]
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.More Tommy Cooper [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

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Quotes of the month

Eugeny Antonuk The end of the song is an invitation to the beginning. [05/06/2019 07:05:49] More


Eugeny Antonuk In silence, they hide a comparison, which was not counted in what was said. [05/05/2019 11:05:44] More


Anatoly Yurkin To improve the personality is given through the repetition of mistakes. [05/12/2019 01:05:26] More


Eugeny Antonuk The condition “if not proved the opposite, to consider the assertion to be true” about the existence or non-existence of God is as strange as if the court proved the person’s guilt in the murder, if not proved otherwise. In court, no one is obliged to prove his innocence. [05/03/2019 02:05:09] More


Eugene Ryabyi The more secrets man has - the more unpleasant surprises he can present. [05/06/2019 04:05:36] More