Monica Lewinsky

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Monica Lewinsky

Monica Lewinsky

Mistress President Clinton
Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an
improper relationship
with
Monica Lewinsky?
Pres: Improper? ...
Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of
the the sweetest
interns I've ever had.More Clinton jokes Monica Lewinsky [01/01/2018 12:01:01]
Jewish, Too! A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?"

He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?"

He answers, "Monica Lewinsky."

There is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice Catholic boy you were dating last year?"More News / Politics Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Viruses you might catch THE CLINTON Virus...(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.)

THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer,
then emails your best friends about what it did).

THE RONALD REAGAN virus...(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus...(Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus... (Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200.)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus...(Deletes all old files)

THE PROZAC virus...(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus...(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back) and last but not least...............

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)More Other / Misc Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Camp Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to:

10. Tommy Lee's---------- Camp Kickachickee
9. Lorena Bobbit's------ Camp Cutaweewee
8. Tanya Harding's------ Camp Wackaneenee
7. Kenneth Star's------- Camp Catchacrookee
6. Louis Farakahn's----- Camp Killawhitey
5. O.J. Simpson's------- Camp Killachickee
4. Michael Jackson's---- Camp Wannabewhitey
3. President Clinton's-----Camp Getahoochie
2. Ellen Degeneras's-------Camp Lickacoochie

And the number one camp not to send your kid to:

1. Monica Lewinsky's---- Camp SuckapeepeeMore Other / Misc Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Clinton 4 Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours?
Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.More Puns Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
More Clinton What does Monica Lewinsky have on her resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"More Puns Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
George Bush dies and goes to hell Satan is already waiting for him.

'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll take their place. However, you can choose whose place you want to take.

'Oh, that sounds okay I guess' says Bush.

Satan leads him to the first room and opens the door. In this room, there's a huge swimming pool. In it, Reagan is drowning. He goes down, then up, then down, then up, and he's gasping for air all the while.

'Oh, no,' says Bush. 'That's not for me, I'm a poor swimmer.'

Satan opens the second door. The room is full of rocks and they see Nixon trying to break up the rocks with a wooden hammer.

'Nah, I have problems with my shoulders and my back, that'd be such a painful thing to do day after day.'

So Satan opens the third door. In the room, they see Clinton lying on the floor, all tied up. Monica Lewinsky is lying on top of Clinton, giving him a blowjob. Bush stares at the scene with a wide smile and says:

'Ah, that I could endure!'

'Alright,' laughs Satan. 'Monica, you're free to go!'More Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Monica Lewinsky shows up at a dry cleaner Hands over to the clerk a blue dress.

The clerk looks aghast and asks, "Is this _that_ dress?"

"Yup," Lewinsky nods.

"Buuuutttt, after all these years.... why now?"

Lewinsky shrugs, "he likes it when I wear that dress."More Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
If Clinton wins presidency, who will be First Lady? Monica Lewinsky More Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have a brother or sister? Monica Lewinsky swallowed them.More Monica Lewinsky [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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