Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods

Golf star, 14-time winner of the tournament, "Major"
Days when you just don't have it, you don't mail it in, you don't pack it in, you give it everything you've got. You grind it out, I don't care what kind of game you have, you somehow try and find a way to get it done ... That's part of my attitude and belief, that you should always have the switch on. You can't turn it on and off.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
No matter how you play the golf course, no matter how well you play, you're going to have to make 6 and 8 footers for par. It's just a given here.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
So I tried to activate my glutes as best I could, in between, but...they never stayed activated.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I'm not as far along as Jack Nicklaus was at this age, but I'm trying.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Money and fame made me believe I was entitled. I was wrong and foolish.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?", asks the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything."More Jokes about Tiger Woods [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
A rich man owns a multi-million dollar ranch in Puerto Rico. One day, his ranch supervisor, Paco, calls him on the phone.
"Yes, Paco, what is it?" says the Rich Man.
"Well, Se?or, I have some bad news. Your prize thoroughbred, he has died."
"My thoroughbred? I was going to make millions off that horse! I'd retired him to stud! How did he die?"
"He died from exhaustion, Se?or," Paco sheepishly replied.
"Exhaustion?" screamed the Rich Man, "he was retired! How did he get exhausted?"
"Well, Se?or, he had to pull the wagon," said Paco.
"Why the hell was my retired thoroughbred pulling the wagon?" shouted the Rich Man.
"To carry the water, Se?or," Paco explained.
"What water?" asked the Rich Man.
"The water to put out the fire, Se?or," Paco replied.
"There was a fire? Jesus Christ!" The Rich Man could hardly believe what he was hearing.
"Si, Se?or," Paco said, "your ranch house, it's burned to the ground."
"Oh my god," said the Rich Man incredulously, "my multi-million dollar ranch is destroyed. How did the fire start?"
"Well, you see Se?or, there was a candle that was knocked over," Paco explained.
"What knocked it over?" the Rich Man asked, although he was so devastated he wasn't sure he could handle any more bad news.
"Well, Se?or," Paco began, "I was in the house, and I thought I heard an intruder, so I took your Tiger Woods Driver and hit them over the head, and they fell and knocked over the candle. I'm so sorry to tell you this, Se?or, but who I thought to be an intruder was truly your wife. She is dead, Se?or."
With venom dripping from every word, the Rich Man screamed, "Paco, if you put so much as a SCRATCH on that Tiger Woods Driver, so help me..."More Jokes about Tiger Woods [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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