Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods

Golf star, 14-time winner of the tournament, "Major"
There are guys on Tour who hit the ball further than me. I always thought it was important to have power, but more important to have power in reserve.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
We have a lot of fun every year, and I really enjoy being part of junior golf and the development of these players.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
A lot has transpired in my life.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I'm addicted. I'm addicted to golf.More Tiger Woods quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
This guy meets 'the perfect girl' but when he asks her to marry him, she reveals that she used to date Tiger Woods and it's in the past and shouldn't ever be a problem in the future. He's level headed, can see that Woods is handsome, famous etc. so he's okay with it and moves forward.

Some months later, they get hitched and on the wedding night, he 'seals the deal' in the honeymoon suite, then promptly rolls over to make a phone call.

The bride says: "What are you doing?"
He says: "I'm gonna call room service, for a sandwich."
"Well," she says quite matter-of-fact-ly, "Tiger Woods wouldn't have done that..."
He raises his voice a bit: "WTF would Tiger have done!"
"He'd have another round," she says playfully.

He goes for another round and is completely famished and well worn, so he reaches out for the phone mid shunt and she pulls him up about it again:

"Who are you calling?"
"Room service," he replies, "would you like some replenishment, too?"
"I used to date Tiger Woods and that's not something he'd do."
"I'm sure we agreed this wouldn't come up..."
She cuts his elevated tone short with a tease: "He'd go for another round."

Exiting round three, the guy is so finished, he pulls the phone to the bed and starts dialling directly from his sweat soaked pillow.

"Who are you calling, now" she coos.
"Tiger Woods." He pants. "I'm going to ask him what's the par for this hole".More Jokes about Tiger Woods [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
'Hello, Senor George? This is Roberto, the caretaker at your country house.'
'Hi Roberto. How are you? Is there a problem?'
'Uh, I am just calling to tell you, Senor George, that your parrot died.'
'My parrot? Dead? The one that collected three prizes at the New York bird show?'
'Yes, Senor, that's the one.'
'Damn! That's a real shame. I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'
'From eating rotten meat, Senor George.'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The thoroughbred, Senor George.'
'My favorite thoroughbred is dead?'
'Yes Senor George, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'
'What are you talking about? What water cart?'
'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'
'My God! What do you mean fire? Where?'
'At your house, Senor. A candle fell and the curtains caught fire.'
'What the hell! Are you telling me that my eight million dollar mansion has been destroyed because of a candle?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so, Senor George.'
'But i don't understand, there's electricity at the house, so what's the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Senor George.'
'What goddamn funeral?'
'Your wife's, Senor George. She showed up unexpectedly one night and i thought she was a burglar. So I hit her with your new Tiger Woods one iron.'
There was a lengthy silence.
'Roberto, if you broke that golf club, you're in real trouble...'More Jokes about Tiger Woods [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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