George Carlin

George Carlin

was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor and author, who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL

by George Carlin

In HEAVEN . . .

The Italians are the lovers,

The French cook the food,

The Swiss run the hotels,

The Germans are the mechanics,

And the English are the police.


In HELL . . .


The Swiss are the lovers,

The English cook the food,

The French run the hotels,

The Italians are the mechanics,

And the Germans are the police!
More Jokes about George Carlin [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
A guy runs a red light. His passenger tells him not to do that, but the driver says "It's okay, my brother drives like this!" He runs another red light. His passenger tries to insist, the driver says again "I told ya, it's okay, my brother drives like this!" Then he comes up to a green light and stops. His passenger asks what he's doing now and the driver says "Well, my brother might be coming the other way!"

-George Carlin, I don't remember what standup special. More Jokes about George Carlin [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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