George Carlin

George Carlin

was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor and author, who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.
Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a while, and it makes you walk straight and feel better - fine. But you don't need it forever, or you can become permanently disabled. Religion is like a lift in the shoe, and I say just don't ask me to wear your shoes. And let's not go down and nail lifts onto the natives' feet.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart:
"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."More Other / Misc Jokes about George Carlin [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians.

Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!"

One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!"

You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"More Jokes about George Carlin [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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Anatoly Yurkin A social network is a list of accomplices to an unidentified crime. [02/26/2019 12:02:57] More