George Carlin

George Carlin

was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor and author, who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.More George Carlin quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Congress.... Thank you George Carlin :)More Jokes about George Carlin [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
**George Carlin:** Do you realise, that right this second, right now somewhere around the world some guy is getting ready to kill himself. Isn't that great? Statistics show that every year a million people commit suicide. Thats 2800 a day. That's one every thirty seconds.


[Stares at watch]


**George Carlin:** There goes another guy! And I say guy because men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it. That's something else you gals oughta be working on. Well if you wanna be truly equal you're gonna have to start taking your lifes in greater numbers.More Jokes about George Carlin [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

Quotes of the month

Walt Whitman Of all mankind the great poet is the equable man. Not in him but off from him things are grotesque or eccentric or fail of their sanity. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More


Will Ferrell Enjoy the little fun things - like taking your kids to school - before they're all grown up. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More


Max Brooks Of all the weapons discussed in this book, nothing is more important than your primary firearm. Keep it cleaned, keep it oiled, keep it loaded, keep it close. With a cool head, steady hand, and plenty of ammunition, one human is more than a match for an army of zombies. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More


Bob Dole I don't know how many people run for vice president and president and lose both. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More


Jesse Livermore It takes a man a long time to learn all the lessons of all his mistakes. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More