I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'More Steven Wright quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.More Steven Wright quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.More Steven Wright quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.More Steven Wright quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]

I wish the first word I ever said was the word quote, so right before I die I could say unquote.More Steven Wright quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]