Marie: You live here? Oh, it's nice. Did you decorate it?
Navin R. Johnson: Yeah, I got all this stuff from the old Cup 'o Pizza place before they tore it down.
Marie: Good pizza.
[the two are eating pizza in a cup]
Navin R. Johnson: Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy is unbelievable. He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to eat this.More Movie: The Jerk  Movie: The Jerk  quotes [05/03/2008 12:05:00]
New Accounts Bank Manager: I will need two pieces of identification.
Navin R. Johnson: Ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license - and - my astronaut application form... I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.More Movie: The Jerk  Movie: The Jerk  quotes [05/03/2008 12:05:00]
Navin R. Johnson: [bleakly] I've already given away eight pencils, two hoola dolls, and an ashtray, and I've only taken in fifteen dollars.
Frosty: Navin, you have taken in fifteen dollars and given away fifty cents worth of crap, which gives us a net profit of fourteen dollars and fifty cents.
Navin R. Johnson: Ah... It's a profit deal. Takes the pressure off. Get your weight guessed right here! Only a buck! Actual live weight guessing! Take a chance and win some crap!More Movie: The Jerk  Movie: The Jerk  quotes [05/03/2008 12:05:00]
Navin R. Johnson: You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say.
Navin R. Johnson: "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit." There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.More Movie: The Jerk  Movie: The Jerk  quotes [05/03/2008 12:05:00]
Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?More Movie: The Jerk  Movie: The Jerk  quotes [05/03/2008 12:05:00]
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