Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger

His role in 'The Terminator' (1984)
Background:"I would rather be Governor of California than own Austria." Arnold SchwarzeneggerAustria born body-builder-turned-actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, nicknamed Austrian Oak, was widely recognized as five-time winner Mr. Universe (won his first title at age 20), seven-time Mr. Olympia and one-time Mr. Junior Western Europe. An actor who first appeared in the documentary Pumping Iron (1977) and had a Golden Globe winning role in his debut movie Stay Hungry (1976), Schwarzenegger was tossed toward stardom for portraying The Terminator (1984) in the action movie with the same name and its sequels. He continued to star in such box office hits as Red Sonja (1985), Predator (1987), Conan movies (1982 and 1984), Total Recall (1990), Kindergarten Cop (1990), and True Lies (1994). He recently played a cameo in an adaptation of Around the World in 80 Days (2004, starring Jackie Chan) and will soon appear in the upcoming comedy The Kid & I. Green eyed, 6' 2" tall cigar smoking Schwarzenegger was listed as one of Empire (UK) magazine's "Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time" (October 1997), Star TV's "Top 10 Box Office Stars of the 1990s" (2003) and Entertainment Weekly's " Greatest Movie Star of All Time." Guinness Book of World Records also called him "the most perfectly developed man in the history of the world." On a more personal note, he was once engaged to actress Brigitte Nielsen and is currently the husband of late President John F. Kennedy's niece, Maria Shriver (TV journalist)."It's something that I'm still interested in (for) the future. I think that the greatest thing you can do is serve the people. It gives me the greatest satisfaction -- much more than going down another red carpet to do a movie premiere -- to go and create after-school programs, help special Olympians, inspire kids to stay away from drugs and gangs." Arnold Schwarzenegger (about his role in politics).Schwarzenegger became a US citizen in 1983 and is a loyal public supporter of the US Republican Party. In 2003, he successfully ran for governor of California, replacing Gray Davis as governor of California in the widely lauded, highly controversial recall election of 2003. Recently, he was rumored to have had a seven-year extramarital affair with former TV actress Gigi Goyette, who reportedly was paid $20,000 to keep silent about the issue.Black PloughmanChildhood and Family:"Everything I have - my career, my success, my family - I owe to America." Arnold SchwarzeneggerIn Thal, Styria, Austria, Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger was born on July 30, 1947. He is the son of Nazi party member Gustav Schwarzenegger (former Gendarmerie-Kommandant policeman, 1907-1972) and Aurelia Jadrny (1922-1998), who raised him with strict rules and morals. He also has one elder brother Meinherd (1946-1971), a champion boxer who was killed in a car accident.Schwarzenegger, which means "Black Ploughman" in German, attended the University of Wisconsin-Superior with a major in international marketing of fitness and business administration and graduated with a B.A in 1979. Moreover, he received two Honorary Doctorates, one from his alma mater the University of Wisconsin Superior (1996, in recognition of his charitable works) and another one from Chapman University in Orange, California (2002).On April 26, 1986, Arnold Schwarzenegger, nicknamed Arnie, tied the knot with TV journalist Maria Shriver (born on November 6, 1955, the niece of President John F. Kennedy and Senators Robert F. Kennedy and Ted Kennedy) in Hyannis, Massachusetts. They currently have four children: daughters Katherine Eunice (born December 13, 1989) and Christina Maria Aurelia (born July 23, 1991), and sons Patrick (born September 18, 1993) and Christopher Sargent Shriver (born September 27, 1997). The family lives in a home in the Kennedy Compound.The TerminatorCareer:"There's so little time to do all the things I want to do that I can't see any reason to get bogged down in sequels." Arnold SchwarzeneggerInitially persuaded by his father to join the soccer team, Arnold Schwarzenegger began physical training and later signed up with the Austrian army (in 1965) in order to follow his strict diet. However, he sneaked off the camp to compete in the Mr. Junior Western Europe and eventually won the contest. He subsequently joined and won similar competitions, including Mr. World, IFBB Mr. Universe, NABBA Mr. Universe (four times), and Mr. Olympia (seven times, in 1970-1975 and 1980), the latter of which was a record set in 1980 and bolstered him as a sport legend.After winning the International Powerlifting Championship, Schwarzenegger moved to the US in 1968 to pursue an acting career.Under the name of Arnold Strong, Schwarzenegger made his film debut as the Greek mythological hero Hercules in Arthur Allan Seidelman's comedy Hercules Goes to New York (1970). Following his appearances in The Long Goodbye (1973) and CBS' sitcom pilot Happy Anniversary and Goodbye (1974, starring Lucille Ball and Art Carney), Schwarzenegger was featured in both Charles Gaines' best-selling book "Pumping Iron" and its documentary film version with the same title in 1977.The portrayal of Joe Santo, a bodybuilder who is training for the Mr. Universe title, in Bob Rafelson's film based on the novel by Charles Gaines, Stay Hungry (1976), handed Arnold a Golden Globe for Best Acting Debut in a Motion Picture. He then was spotted as a guest in such series as "The Streets of San Francisco," "Dinah!," "V.I.P.-Schaukel" and "The San Pedro Beach Bums." His autobiography, "Arnold: The Education of a Body-Builder," was published in 1977.On the wide screen, Arnold costarred with Kirk Douglas and Ann-Margret, playing cowboy Handsome Stranger, in Hal Needham's western comedy The Villain and appeared in Michael Schultz's comedy Scavenger Hunt (both in 1979). Then he was cast as bodybuilder Mickey Hargitay in Dick Lowry's biopic The Jayne Mansfield Story (1980, TV, opposite Loni Anderson) Conan, about a man who seeks revenge against the warlord who slaughtered his tribe, was Schwarzenegger's breakthrough role. He played the role in an adaptation of Robert E. Howard's Conan the Barbarian (1982, directed by John Milius) and its 1984 installment, Conan the Destroyer (helmed by Richard Fleischer)."I had to act like a cyborg, which meant I couldn't show any kind of human fear or reaction to the fire, explosions, or gunfire that was going off around me. That can be difficult when you're walking through a door with its frame on fire, trying to reload a gun, and at the same time thinking in the back of your mind that people have accidents doing these kinds of stunts and that it might be my turn." Arnold Schwarzenegger (on his role in Terminator).Another prominent role arrived in 1984, as unstoppable killing machine The Terminator, in James Cameron's sci-fi action movie with the same name. The film was warmly received and Schwarzenegger later reprised his cyborg role in its next sequels, Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), T2 3-D: Battle Across Time (1996) and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003). Meanwhile, he formed his production company, Oak Productions, in 1985 and sponsored the first annual Arnold Classic in Columbus, Ohio for male and female bodybuilders, in 1989."I don't necessarily want to leave the magic of the Terminator movies behind, and who says we have to? According to what we know about the future, there were hundreds of Terminators built. The story of the Terminator could go on forever." Arnold Schwarzenegger Schwarzenegger teamed with then girlfriend Brigitte Nielsen in Richard Fleischer's semi-sequel to the Conan films, Red Sonja (1985), in which he played mysterious Kalidor. More starring roles followed: retired special agent John Matrix in Mark L. Lester's Commando (1985), ex-FBI agent Mark Kaminsky/Joseph P. Brenner in John Irvin's Raw Deal (1986) and United States Major Dutch Schaeffer in John McTiernan's summer box office smash thriller Predator (1987). The rest of the 1980s also watched Schwarzenegger in Paul Michael Glaser's futuristic film, adopted from a Stephen King novel, The Running Man (1987), as a highly disciplined Russian detective in Walter Hill's Red Heat (1988) and Danny DeVito's twin brother in Ivan Reitman's comedy Twins (1988).In the early 1990s, Schwarzenegger had virtual vacation memories to Mars in Paul Verhoeven's futuristic movie Total Recall and reunited with director Ivan Reitman in his two comedies, Kindergarten Cop and the Oscar nominated Dave (1993, starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver). Behind the screen, Schwarzenegger made his directional debut in an episode of HBO's "Tales From the Crypt" entitled "The Switch," directed the cable-TV movie "Christmas in Connecticut" and wrote a weekly health column for "USA Today." He also opened the Planet Hollywood Restaurant in New York, with Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone.The subsequent years saw Schwarzenegger rejoin filmmaker John McTiernan to star as crusader Jack Slater in the heart-racing thriller The Last Action Hero (1993, he also executive produced) and reuniting with director James Cameron to play a secret agent in True Lies (1994, opposite Jamie Lee Curtis). He also worked again with director Ivan Reitman who handed him the lead role of a male pregnant scientist in his 1994 movie Junior (with Danny DeVito and Emma Thompson) and appeared as Franco Columbu's old friend in Michael Preece's Beretta's Island (1994).Muscle-bound, heavily accented Schwarzenegger was hired by the Witness Protection Program as an "Eraser" in Chuck Russell's 1996 film with the same name. Afterward, he became a father-turned-Turbo Man in Brian Levant's Christmas slapstick Jingle All the Way (1996), portrayed Mr. Freeze/Dr. Victor Fries in Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin (1997) and played a beaten down ex-cop and the reluctant hero in Peter Hyams' chilling, horrific thriller End of Days (1999). In the new millennium, Schwarzenegger portrayed the dual role of a man and his clone in Roger Spottiswoode's futuristic action thriller The Sixth Day and starred as a family man and firefighter who tracks down the terrorist who killed his family in Sir Andrew Davis' Collateral Damage (2002, the release date was delayed due to the terrorist attack on 9/11).First body builder, then actor, Schwarzenegger also branched out to politics. He was appointed Chairman of the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports in the administration of George H. W. Bush from 1990 to 1993 and later served as Chairman for the California Governor's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports under Governor Pete Wilson. He got his first real political accomplishment on November 5, 2002, when Californians agreed to his personally crafted and sponsored Proposition 49, the "After School Education and Safety Program Act of 2002.""Yes, I would love to be governor of California. If the state needs me, and if there's no one I think is better, then I will run." Arnold SchwarzeneggerOn The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in August 2003, Schwarzenegger announced his candidacy for Governor of California in a special October recall election. On October 7, 2003, he eventually won the election replacing Gray Davis as governor and was sworn into office on November 17, 2003. He gave a brief speech, "Today is a new day in California. I did not seek this office to do things the way they've always been done. What I care about is restoring your confidence in your government... This election was not about replacing one man. It was not replacing one party. It was about changing the entire political climate of our state."In late June 2005, another non-partisan Field Poll found that 57% of California voters are not inclined to elect Schwarzenegger to a second term as Governor in 2006 and as of early August 2005, Governor Schwarzenegger had yet to announce whether he would be running for re-election in November 2006.As for acting, Schwarzenegger recently played a cameo in Frank Coraci's film version of Jules Verne's novel, Around the World in 80 Days (starring Jackie Chan) and will appear in Penelope Spheeris' upcoming comedy The Kid & I."Everything I have ever done in my life has always stayed. I've just added to it. But I will not change because when you are successful and you change, you are an idiot." Arnold SchwarzeneggerAwards: Cinequest San Jose Film Festival: Maverick Tribute Award, 2004 World Stunt Awards: Taurus Honorary Award, 2001 American Cinematheque Gala Tribute: American Cinematheque Award, 1998 Blockbuster Entertainment Awards: World Artist Award, 1998 ShoWest Convention: Humanitarian Award, 1997 MTV Movie: Best Male Performance, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 1992 NATO Male Star of the Year, 1987 NATO: International Star of the Year Award, 1984 Golden Globe Awards: Best Acting Debut in a Motion Picture - Male, Stay Hungry, 1977
You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn.More Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes [06/21/2016 08:06:16]
I did smoke a joint and I did inhale. The bottom line is that's what it was in the '70s, that's what I did.More Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I think that the important thing to know is, which is great about this country [the USA], when it comes to domestic issues, we all battle it out and fight it between the parties and all those kind of things to get things done, but when it comes to foreign issues, overseas kind of things, then we all speak with one voice.More Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Whenever I finished filming a movie, I felt my job was only half done. Every film had to be nurtured in the marketplace. You can have the greatest movie in the world, but if you don’t get it out there, if people don’t know about it, you have nothing.More Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes [06/21/2016 08:06:16]
If you don’t find the time, if you don’t do the work, you don’t get the results.More Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Arnold Schwarzenegger has already signed up, and said "I'll be Bach."More Jokes about Arnold Schwarzenegger [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
I have three really great story jokes that I rely on to break the ice with a new group of people. It always works. At the very worst, you will get some groaning chuckles. Make sure you read each of the jokes to the finish! The payoff is great.

**Bob's Brick**

There's this guy named Bob. Bob has terrible OCD. Bob also has a terrible desire to own a brick patio. His OCD prevents him from trusting anyone else to make the plan for his patio, so he sets to work for hours drawing up the perfect plan, measuring it out down to the last brick. Finishing his plan, he finds that he will need exactly 99 bricks to build his patio. So he calls up Acme Bricks and says, "I need exactly 99 bricks!"

"Well, sir, we only sell bricks in palettes of 100. We don't sell them in any other amounts. Is that okay?"

"Oh no, no no no. That won't do. I need 99 bricks. I'm not going to use that extra brick. What am I supposed to do with an extra brick? It has to be exactly 99 bricks."

"Well, sir, what if you break a brick while you're working? It will be good to have a spare."

"Believe me, lady, I won't break a brick. I'm careful. I need 99 bricks."

At this point the lady is becoming impatient and just wants to sell him the palette, so she says, "I'll tell you what, sir. If you finish building your patio and you still have that brick left over you can send it back to us for a refund."

"Deal," says Bob! A week passes and the 100-brick palette arrives. Bob immediately sets to work laying each brick, meticulously measuring everything, gingerly handling each brick. Hours later, Bob has a beautiful new patio, but just as he said, he is left with one extra brick. Bob calls up Acme Bricks. "Listen, I got one brick left and I was told I could get a refund!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't offer refunds." After much back and forth, Bob eventually is forced to give up his hope of a refund. And so it came to be that he couldn't return the one brick. That one singular red brick.

Bob sits the brick on the kitchen counter and has a bite to eat. As he washes the dishes he finds that he can't take his eyes off the brick, and as a result he has accidentally been using a fork to wash his plate. Angered by this, he grabs the brick and runs into the living room, placing the brick on the coffee table. He goes back to washing dishes in peace. Later, he is sitting in the living room watching Wheel of Fortune, but he can't seem to guess any of the phrases because all he can think about is that stupid brick staring at him from the coffee table. He grabs it and takes it to the bathroom, putting it on the back of the toilet. Later that evening, he is trying to take a whizz, and he can't even AIM for the sight of the brick on the back of the toilet. This being the last straw, he grabs the brick, runs outside, screams at the heavens and he throws the brick straight up into the air!!

**Carl the Conductor**

There was once a man named Carl. Carl always wanted to be a trolley conductor, so he went to trolley conductor school. There he studied hard and graduated at the top of his class. When he graduated he had trolley companies lining up for him to come conduct for them. Eventually he settles on the Red Trolley Company in New York City.

Years pass without incident until one day Carl accidentally ran over and killed none other than Regis Philbin. Now, as everyone knows, Regis Philbin has some exceptionally fanatical fans, and as a result Carl was placed on death row for his crime. Carl was a model inmate, never causing trouble and even starting a knitting club with the other death row inmates. As a result of this, Eugene the executioner took a liking to Carl. This made it sad for Eugene when Carl's day to be electrocuted came. Eugene decided that he would offer Carl one favor, and it could be anything, before he took the chair. Carl thought about it, and he said, "Eugene, there is one thing in this entire world that I can think of that I want right now, and it's a blueberry plucked from the depths of the Amazon rainforest. If I could have that, I can die a happy man."

Eugene dutifully climbed aboard a plane and flew to the Amazon and hiked into the heart of the Amazon rain forest where he found a beautiful glade filled with blueberries. He picked a few and returned to New York. He gave the berries to Carl, and Carl appreciatively ate them with a big smile on his face. With everything ready to go, Eugene tearfully pulled the lever and the chair zipped and zapped, but when it was finished Carl was miraculously unharmed! Given that there was no legal precedence for the situation, and given that technically Carl served out his sentence, Carl was released from prison a free man.

It took some convincing, but Carl managed to land a job at the Yellow Trolley Company in New Jersey, where he did a fantastic job conducting until one day he accidentally ran over and killed none other than Snooki. Now there aren't *many* fans of Snooki, but the ones that exist are the most rabid and vicious fans in the world, and so Carl found himself on death row again.

Eventually it came time to go to the electric chair again. A few days before the execution, he was approached by the executioner: Eugene. Eugene explained that he had been fired from his job in New York because the failure of the electric chair was blamed on him, but he had no hard feelings toward Carl. He took at as a sign that they would end up in the same place together again, and he offered Carl the same offer, and Carl had the same request. Returning from the Amazon with the blueberries, Eugene allowed Carl to eat them, and he flipped the switch again, unsure what to expect. Sure enough, Carl survived yet again, and found himself a free man.

Carl found a job at the Green Trolley Company in California. Believe it or not, he accidentally ran yet another person over. This time it was none other than the Governator himself, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Needless to say, Carl found himself facing the chair again. A few days before his execution, he was approached by his old friend Eugene the executioner, who once again was fired and once again wound up in the same place. Eugene said, "Carl, I know I'm going to regret this, but you want those berries again, don't you?" Carl nodded, and Eugene, once again, made a trip to the Amazon.

On the day of the execution, Carl had his berries and Eugene flipped the switch. To everyone's surprise but Carl and Eugene, Carl was unharmed! Just as they were about to let Carl go, Eugene stopped him and said, "Carl, listen, you owe me this. You gotta tell me how you are doing this!" Carl stopped for a moment, thought about it, and said, "Gee, Eugene. I don't know... I guess I'm just a terrible conductor."

**Fred's Flight**

There's this guy named Fred. Fred has an interview to get to in Japan, and he's taking an overnight flight to get there. Fred decides he's going to try to sleep on the flight so he'll be well rested and ready for the interview first thing in the morning. He boards his flight and takes his seat next to this sweet little old lady. "Ahh," he thinks, "she certainly won't be a problem." The flight takes off and, Fred leans back, closing his eyes, drifting off to sleep...

*YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP* Fred starts awake and looks around for the source of the sound. He notices that the old lady has carried a small dog onto the plane in her purse! "Listen lady, I'm trying to get some sleep over here. I have a very important interview in the morning!" The lady apologizes profusely and hushes the dog. Fred drifts back to sleep...

Fred is skipping nude through fields of daisy, dancing with the woodland creatures. A dog comes to join the dance. It looks at him. It opens its mouth. *YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP* Fred groans, waking up, and looks at the old lady sternly. "I told you, I have to get my sleep! Shut the dog up or I'll shut him up!" The lady hushes the dog, and Fred dozes back off...

Fred is at a French cafe on the waterfront, having a romantic dinner with his favorite supermodel. He leans in for a ki-- *YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP* Fred wakes up! He reaches over and grabs the little mutt and runs to the door of the plane. He opens the door and throws the dog out! Returning to his seat, he tells the crying old woman that he will buy her a new dog when they get to Japan. After a little bit, the man falls asleep again...

He's back in high school... he's in the cafeteria... everyone is shouting "Look! Look!" and he realizes he's completely naked! He wakes up and sees everyone gathered around a window shouting "Look! Look!" Fred pushes to the front and looks out the window, wondering what they could be seeing... he finally gets a glimpse: It's the brick!


See, didn't I tell you it would all pay off!? I love these jokes. Sorry for the wasted time! Now go use them to waste someone else's!More Jokes about Arnold Schwarzenegger [01/02/2018 12:01:02]

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