Most books about writing are filled with bullshit. Fiction writers, present company included, donâ€™t understand very much about what they doâ€”not why it works when itâ€™s good, not why it doesnâ€™t when itâ€™s bad.More Stephen King quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
I love music, and I can play a little. But anyone can see the difference between someone who's talented and someone that's not.More Stephen King quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
Only two things happen to writers when they die: Either their work survives, or it becomes forgotten.More Stephen King quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
The situation comes first...the characters...come next...[then] begin to narrate...More Stephen King quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
And when there are enough outsiders together in one place, a mystic osmosis takes place and you're inside.More Stephen King quotes [03/29/2018 05:03:36]
The Englishman opens his sandwich box and exclaims "Bloody hell, ham and cheese again! I swear, if I have ham and cheese again tomorrow, i'm going to throw myself off this building!" The Scotsman then proceeds to open his sandwich box and exclaims "Aye, I've got fucking chicken mayo again, if I have this tomorrow i'll throw myself off this building as well!" The Irishman opens his lunch and says "I've got bacon again! If I have bacon again tomorrow, i'll join you in jumping off this building!"
So the next day the three men open their sandwich boxes and all have the same filling as the day before, so they all proceed to jump off of the sky scraper. A few days later at the funerals of the three men, their wives stood weeping. "If I would have known Pete didn't want ham and cheese then I would have mixed it up!" Said the English mans wife. The Scotsman's wife nodded "Yes, If i knew Stephen didn't want chicken mayo then I would have made something different." The Irishman's wife was crying harder than all and simply said "I just don't understand... Paddy made his own fucking sandwiches"More Jokes about Stephen King [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.More Other / Misc Jokes about Stephen King [01/02/2018 12:01:02]
Lie to yourself until it's true. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More
The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More
Death tripped down the corridor, changing step, struck out here and there, danced pirouettes; often I felt his breath on my face when he was miles away; often I fell asleep and dreamed while he stood leaning over my bed. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More
The history of the world is the record of the weakness, frailty and death of public opinion. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More
The mistakes and unresolved difficulties of the past in mathematics have always been the opportunities of its future. [03/29/2018 05:03:36] More