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[after tying Gene to a chair, Mary and Larry prepare to flee an approaching posse]
Gene Autry: Hey, wait a minute! Get me out of this steer's necktie and I'll help cloud your trail.
Larry Evans: Why should we trust you?
Gene Autry: Why, Ed's ghost would haunt me if I let them hang the wrong man. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: I'll take your six-shooter.
Gene Autry: Now look here, Cramer...
Sheriff Cramer: Just to make sure you mind your own business. I don't wear this badge for fun, you know. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Dave Randall: Quit stalling. Where's Larry Evans?
Gene Autry: Say, that reminds me, Randall. Weren't you in that dice game when Norton was killed.
Dave Randall: That's right. So were Harper and Mason.
Jake Harper: Now, Gene, you don't think one of us daylighted Ed? (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Gene Autry: Just gonna make some java. Care to join me?
Sheriff Cramer: Not me - your coffee'd throw a horseshoe. Hope I don't see you in jail. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
[the Sheriff doubles back to check on Gene's story]
Dave Randall: What are you doin', Sheriff? Playin' injun?
Sheriff Cramer: You see a lot of things that way sometimes. Besides, if Mary's with her brother, Gene could have been coverin' for her. He's a sucker for a lady in distress. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Gene Autry: Say, by the way, if you didn't plug Norton, how come he was killed with your gun?
Larry Evans: I ran out of dough and I put in my gun to stay in the game.
Gene Autry: Like this one?
Larry Evans: Yeah. I *had* a pair of 'em.
Gene Autry: You were out to make yourself a reputation, weren't you? You certainly did. It's too bad - that sort of dime-store hero went out with Billy the Kid. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
[Gene lays his handkerchief on the ground]
Larry Evans: What are you doin'?
Gene Autry: Puttin' my ear to the ground. It's an old Indian scout trick. Silk picks up sound... Wagon comin'. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Gene Autry: Get out of those clothes!
Larry Evans: What?
Gene Autry: You heard me. Chuck the duds and get in the creek!
Larry Evans: In the creek? But it's ice water! You wanna give me pneumonia?
Gene Autry: Yeah, but you'll catch lead poisoning if they catch you in that gray check shirt, riding a palomino. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: Good morning, Miss Mary. Great day for the race.
Mary Evans: What race?
Sheriff Cramer: The human race. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: How's Larry? Have you heard anything from him yet? It's too bad he skipped town. It would have helped his case if he hung around and let the law take its course.
Mary Evans: With Judge Lynch presiding? (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: By the way, Miss Mary, you and your brother didn't happen to run into a fellow named Gene Autry did you?
Mary Evans: Gene Autry?
Sheriff Cramer: Yeah, he's a friend of mine. Nice fella, too, if he's on your side. Different story if he's on t'other. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: Gene, I'd like to borrow that pistol from you if you don't mind.
Gene Autry: Now look here, Sheriff...
Sheriff Cramer: It might go off accidental-like and hurt somebody.
Gene Autry: All right. Remember that's two you owe me.
Sheriff Cramer: I'm keepin' count. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: Gene, I'll take...
[points to Gene's gunbelt]
Gene Autry: All right... I know.
Sheriff Cramer: The ladies say they're not comfortable to dance with. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Larry Evans: I'm givin' you a chance, Autry.
Gene Autry: Why you cheap imitation of a leather-slapper. I oughta turn you over to Cramer just to teach you a lesson.
Larry Evans: Draw or I'll plug ya.
Gene Autry: Give me that cap pistol before I use it to part your hair! (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Gene Autry: Jim, somebody wants this ranch... wants it bad enough to commit murder. Now what could be here that would pay a man enough to risk his neck for it.
Jim Hedge: Nothin'.
Gene Autry: Hold on now, Jim...
Jim Hedge: I don't haveta. I been over this country hundreds of times.
Mary Evans: No gold?
Jim Hedge: Ohhh, maybe enough to fill your tooth.
Larry Evans: No silver?
Jim Hedge: Welll, might find enough to plate a watch.
Gene Autry: You sure there's nothing here?
Jim Hedge: Are you crazy in the head? I've been prospecting these parts ever since the Apaches were takin' potshots at everything that was movin'...
[chuckles]
Jim Hedge: That is, everything but coyotes. It's bad luck to shoot your own relatives. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Gene Autry: Jim, I want you to take Larry and keep him under cover until you hear from me.
Larry Evans: Oh, I couldn't ask Mr. Hedges to take a risk like that.
Jim Hedge: You didn't!
[points to Gene]
Jim Hedge: He did. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
[Sheriff Cramer fires at the murderer who attempts to escape on Gene's horse]
Gene Autry: Hold it, Sheriff!
Sheriff Cramer: But he's got your horse!
Gene Autry: That's his hard luck.
[Gene whistles and Champion wheels and returns the killer to the posse] (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Sheriff Cramer: What the sam hill is going on here?
Gene Autry: We were playing "post office".
Sheriff Cramer: But that's a kid's game.
Gene Autry: Not the way we play it. (Movie: Loaded Pistols [1948]) | |
Jack Colt: Claire and I rode together for seven years.
Wes Luger: York and I were in academy together. Then we partnered for five years. Before that, we dodged the draft together. Before that, we played high school football together. Before that, we were in grade school together. And before that, we breast fed together. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
| Colt: Nice weather? You think we're having... nice weather? I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don't feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that shatters your heart, rips at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. What flavor Icee you got today? (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Captain Doyle: Don't be so fast to thank me on this, Luger, because you're going to be naked on this one. It's on the line for you. People are going to be watching. Now you blow it, you're going down. You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry. You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind. If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs. Is that clear?
Wes Luger: Everything except for the dancing with figs part! (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Wes Luger: There's something between you and this General Morters.
Colt: He was my C.O. in NAM. CIA listed him as M.I.A. but the V.A. ID'd him and so we put out an APB.
Wes Luger: Oh, I see. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Wes Luger: I don't think York was a suicide. She was on to something.
Captain Doyle: On something is more likely. You know as well as I that this guy's cookies were laced with cocaine.
Wes Luger: No wonder I couldn't eat just one. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Dr. Harrold Leacher: Quid pro quo Mr Colt.
Colt: What does that mean?
Dr. Harrold Leacher: It means I'm pretentious. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Colt: So what are you doing here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: Waiting for you.
Colt: I mean, what brought you here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: A taxi.
Colt: Yeah, but why?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: My car's in the shop.
Colt: I mean... Why the hell did you come here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: The police station would have made me nervous.
Colt: You better go. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
[Colt and Luger's car blows up]
Colt: Good thing we took valet.
Wes Luger: Taxi!
[the taxi blows up]
Colt: I guess we're making somebody nervous. But I'll tell you this: It's gonna take a helluva lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off of this case.
Wes Luger: Not a helluva lot more. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
[Mr. Jigsaw is holding a gun to Sgt. Colt's head]
Jack Colt: Who are you?
Mr. Jigsaw: I'm your worst nightmare.
Jack Colt: No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.
Mr. Jigsaw: Okay, allright, so I'm not actually your worst nightmare. But I am right up there. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Gen. Morters: Where's the microfilm, Mike?
Mike McCracken: I don't know, I gave it to York. I thought she was one of your men.
Gen. Morters: Act in haste, repent in leisure.
Mike McCracken: But he who hesitates is lost.
Gen. Morters: Never judge a book by its cover.
Mike McCracken: What you see is what you get.
Gen. Morters: Loose lips, sink ships...
Mike McCracken: Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing or fighting, my friend.
[Gen. Morters, cornered, looks to Mr. Jigsaw]
Mike McCracken: [Mr. Jigsaw consults Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, shakes his head]
Gen. Morters: Sorry Mike, no good. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Becker: What? I don't know nothin'. I didn't see nothin'. I ain't say nothin'.
Wes Luger: Nothing, the word is nothing, not nothin'. There's an i-n-g on the end of it. Nothing.
Becker: Ok, nothing. Nothiiing. Nothiiiiiiiiiiing. Ok, you happy?
Wes Luger: That's better. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Man in helicopter: [after shooting up a trailer home which then blows up, a man then rises from the flaming wreakage] Is this 1014 Pacific coast Highway?
John McClane, 814 Pacific Coast Highway: HUH?
Man in helicopter: 1014 Pacific coast Highway?
John McClane, 814 Pacific Coast Highway: NO! NO THIS IS 814 PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY! 1014 IS TWO BLOCKS OVER THERE!
Man in helicopter: Sorry! My mistake!
John McClane, 814 Pacific Coast Highway: [sarcastically] NO PROBLEM! NO PROBLEM! (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Sgt. Billy York: [after being questioned about the microfilm] McCracken!
Mr. Jigsaw: Thank you, Ms York!
[shoots York]
Mr. Jigsaw: [turns around, confused] Is that Dan McCracken, or Mike McCracken?
Sgt. Billy York: Mike...
[Mr. Jigsaw shoots York again]
Mr. Jigsaw: [turns around again] Is he on Alpine or Oak?
Sgt. Billy York: [thinking] Alpine...
Mr. Jigsaw: [shoots York again]
Sgt. Billy York: Psst... Park on Third- you'll never find a spot on Alpine.
Mr. Jigsaw: [smiling] Thank you! You have been most co-operative!
Sgt. Billy York: [in pain] Don't mention it.
Mr. Jigsaw: [shoots York again] (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Mr. Jigsaw: [holding a gun on York] In a little while, Miss York, you will be begging for mercy.
Sgt. Billy York: No, no, I'll beg now. (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
Wes Luger: What's going on in here?
Mr. Jigsaw: Drop your gun Mr. Luger!
Wes Luger: I don't have one...
Mr. Jigsaw: [confused] You are not carrying a weapon?
Wes Luger: Don't believe in them.
Mr. Jigsaw: [slides a gun over] Pick up the gun.
Wes Luger: [picks up the gun]
Mr. Jigsaw: *Drop* the gun Mr. Luger! (Movie: Loaded Weapon [1993]) | |
[after hitting a rabbit on the road]
Oldsen: Why don't we kill it? Hit it with something hard...
Mac: You've already done that with a two-ton automobile! (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
[approaching Ben Knox's beach shanty]
Mac MacIntyre: Where's the door here?
Gordon Urquhart: There is no door. Just knock on the window.
Mac MacIntyre: How do you do business with a man who has no door?
Victor: The ethics are just the same. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Townsman: Are you sure there are two l's in dollar, Gideon?
Gideon: Yes! An' there are two g's in bugger off! (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Urquhart: [acting as bartender] I want you to try this Scotch. It's 42 years old.
MacIntyre: Old enough to be out on its own. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
[Mac is buying shampoo]
Mrs. Wyatt: Dry, normal or greasy?
Mac MacIntyre: Normal. Extra normal. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Mac MacIntyre: Any comets around?
Ben Knox: Do ye want to buy a comet now?
Mac MacIntyre: Maybe. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
[Morris is still doing abuse therapy despite Happer's wishers]
Morris: [on phone] You're an asshole, Happer! You love it! Craphound!
[Happer hangs up. He goes back to his omelette, pauses and slowly picks up phone]
Morris: [gleefully] I'm still here, Happer! And you're still a useless mother -...
[Happer slams the receiver back on the phone] (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Danny: How's the water? Cold?
Marina: Not as cold as it should be. The North Atlantic drift comes in here. That's warmish water from the Caribbean. That's why it's special here. There's stuff fetching up here all the way from the Bahamas.
Danny: Oh, that's a long way.
Marina: You swim?
Danny: Not that far. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Victor: How are things? I heard about the ceilihd.
Gordon Urquhart: Oh, we've lots to tell you. We've been invaded by America. We're all gonna be rich.
Victor: Really?
Gordon Urquhart: We won't have anywhere to call home, but we'll be stinkin' rich. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
| MacIntyre: My parents were Hungarian immigrants. They took the name MacIntyre 'cause they thought it sounded more American! (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
MacIntyre: What's the most amazing thing you've ever found?
Ben Knox: Impossible to say. You see, there's something amazing every two or three weeks. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Happer: What about the sky?
MacIntyre: [observing the northern lights] Sky, sir? It's amazing. I wish you could see it! I wish I could describe it to you like I'm seeing it! (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
MacIntyre: [desperate to make the deal] Look, how much do you want?
Ben Knox: [fills his hands with sand] Would you pay me a pound for every grain of sand in my hand?
[drops some sand]
Ben Knox: Ah, well, that saves you some. Well, would you do it?
MacIntyre: No. Of course not.
Ben Knox: Ah, well that's a pity. You missed out on a good bargain, for I can only hold about ten thousand grains of sand in my hands. Did you think it would be more? (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
| Happer: [wants MacIntyre to observe the sky while in Scotland] Anything out of the ordinary, you telephone me. Night or day. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
| MacIntyre: I've got some very fine beaches here... any beach that takes your fancy I'll get for you. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Gordon Urquhart: I'll get the food.
Victor: Bring some brandy back with you Gordon, I'm dying. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
| Gordon Urquhart: [looks first at Ben walking home and then looks at the crowd staring at him] Let's walk him home. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
MacIntyre: [both men are drunk] Would you leave Stella here with me?
Gordon Urquhart: Sure I will.
MacIntyre: You're a good guy, Gordon. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
MacIntyre: How come you're here?
Victor: Fishing. I have been coming here for years. I like it here. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
| MacIntyre: [staring at the sky while talking to Mr. Happer] It's red all over! It's red all over! (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
| Happer: [Morris is on the roof, putting up hate messages against Happer, who is calling his secretary] There's a madman on the roof. You'd better call the police to get some marksmen over here. Shoot to kill. (Movie: Local Hero [1983]) | |
Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit! (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
| Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya. (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
Rory Breaker: Your stupidity must be your one saving grace.
Nick the Greek: Uh?
Rory Breaker: Don't "uh" me Greek boy! How is it that your fucking stupid soon-to-be-dead friends thought they might be able to steal my cannabis and then sell it back to me? Is this a declaration of war? Is this some white cunt's joke that black cunts don't get? Cause' Im not fucking laughing Ni-ko-las!
Nick the Greek: [shrugs nervously]
Rory Breaker: I know you couldn't have known my position, cause' you're not that stupid that if you did, you wouldn't have turned up here scratching your arse with that "what's going on here" look slapped all over your chevy chase! But what you do know is where these people live.
[rises from his chair and walks towards Nick]
Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth, or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've just said? Cause' if you don't, I'll kill ya! Now, Mr Bubble and Squeak, you may enlighten me.
Nick the Greek: [nods nervously] (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
Winston: Charles, why have we got that cage?
Charles: Uh, security.
Winston: That's right, that's right, security. So what's the point in having it if we're not goin' fucking use it?
Charles: Well, I would've used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.
Winston: Yes, but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door, did you?
Willie: Chill, Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me. What's the problem?
Winston: The problem, Willie, is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep *the fucking cage locked!* What is that?
Willie: That's Gloria.
Winston: Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?
Willie: Fertilizer.
Winston: You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing, Willie.
Willie: We need fertilizer Winston.
Winston: Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer you could be a bit more subtle.
Willie: What do you mean?
Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist! That's what I mean Willie. (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
John: Jesus, Plank, couldn't you have got smokeless cartridges? I can't see a bloody thi - Ah! Shit! I've been shot!
Dog: I don't fucking believe this! Can everyone stop gettin' shot? (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
[Discussing their careers as marijuana growers]
J: I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles: Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking. (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
Tom: Well, he can afford to do the deal at the price we're selling. It's not worth him giving us any trouble cause he kows we'll be a pain in the arse.
Soap: I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid.
Tom: You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles.
Soap: Tom, the fatter you get, the sadder you get.
Eddie: Will you two stop flirting for a minute? (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
Nick the Greek: Dunno. Seems expensive.
Tom: Seems? Well, this seems to be a complete waste of my time. That, my friend, is 900 nicker in any store you're lucky enough to find one in. And you're haggling over 200 pound? What school of finance did you come from Nick? "It's a deal, it's a steal, it's the Sale of the fucking Century!" In fact, fuck it Nick, I think I'll keep it!
Nick the Greek: All right all right, keep your Alans on!
[Peels off notes from his wad]
Nick the Greek: Here's a ton.
Tom, Eddie: Jesus Christ!
Eddie: You could choke a dozen donkeys on that! And you're haggling over one hundred pound? What're you doing when you're not buying stereos Nick? Finance revolutions?
Nick the Greek: 100 pound is still 100 pound.
Tom: Not when the price is 200 pound it ain't! And certainly not when you've got Liberia's deficit in your skyrocket. Tighter than a duck's butt you are. Now, lemme feel the fibre of your fabric. (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't, because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping. You're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite. Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, c'mon take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm. I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound.
Eddie: Did you say ten pound?
Bacon: Are you deaf?
Eddie: That's a bargain. I'll take one.
Bacon: Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. You want one as well, darling? You do? That's it. They're waking up. Treat the wife. Treat somebody else's wife. It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught. Hold on. You want one as well? Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then. It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half-struck. Buy them, you better buy them. These are not stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again. They've changed the bloody locks. Here. One for you. It's no good coming back later when I've sold out. "Too late, too late" will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by. If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages.
Eddie: Bacon, cozzers!
Bacon: Shit. (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Movie: Lock (205)) | |
Rory Breaker: What did you shoot him with, an air rifle?
Winston: Look, we grow weed. We're not mercenaries.
Rory Breaker: You don't say. (Stock and Two Smokin |
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