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[in a crowded bar, Chris is talking with Jamie, while Samantha is waiting for him at the door]
Samantha James: Chris! Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris...
Chris: I'm busy!
Samantha James: I'm busy too, stupid dick! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Mike: [Speaking to Chris about Samantha] It's OK. She's got her toothpaste.
Samantha James: [eating the toothpaste] Blueberry. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris: Hi.
[Jamie slams the door in his face]
Chris: Jamie, look, Jamie! I said a lot of really crappy things the other night and I'm sorry about that. I haven't been a very good friend to you and I'm sorry, ok. The truth is that I'm afraid to be your friend because I'm always gonna want more. But then I got to thinking that I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.
[She opens the door and looks at him]
Chris: You know, that's a lie too.
[She comes outside and closes the door behind her]
Chris: I want to take you out on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day or at night or whenever as long as it's a real date. And I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are, inside and out. And I want to have babies with you, and I want to marry you and I love you, Jamie, I always have.
[She smiles and they kiss]
Chris: Sorry, that's like 20 years all at once.
[He kisses her again] (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Mike: [Samantha has found out that Chris is seeing someone else] The jig is up! Run!
Samantha James: You son of a bitch!
Chris: Samantha! You're here! Shit!
Samantha James: There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!
Old Woman: Me?
Samantha James: Not you, wrinkles.
[Points at Jamie]
Samantha James: Her!
Jamie Palamino: Who are you?
Samantha James: I'm Samantha James, bitch!
[Shoves Jamie]
Jamie Palamino: Don't shove me!
[Shoves Samantha back]
Samantha James: You're a whore! Santa's little whore! Santa's little whore!
Jamie Palamino: Get off!
Mike: [In an excited, high pitched voice] Cat fight! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris' Mom: Dusty, what kind of car is this?
Dusty: Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
Chris' Mom: I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.
Chris: I love the environment.
Chris' Mom: But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
Chris: [pause] Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
Dusty: Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
[Chris takes out his retainer]
Dusty: And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Samantha James: [Chris is wrestling Samantha to make her stop using her taser gun on him] Oooohhh yes! Go-Time!
Chris: Hey! Hey! It's not Go-Time! This isn't how it works Samantha! You can't force or... or torture someone into liking you!
Samantha James: [Rolls her eyes] Oooh, the big speech!
Chris: No! You just have to put yourself out there and hope that they like you back! This isn't a game! This is my LIFE!
Samantha James: Oh yeah! This is MY life! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person ever! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor! I'm sorry I...
[Chris starts walking out]
Samantha James: ... I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass! I'm sorry I'm not... Hey! Where you going? (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
| Samantha James: I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person ever!... I'm sorry I'm not poor!... I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Jamie Palamino: Will you try it on for me? Please? I think it will fit...
Chris: [putting on Jamie's gift] ... It's a little snug.
Jamie Palamino: Aww. "Shakes come and go but friends are furrr-ever." That's adorable! Let's go show my mom. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris: Look, I know you hate me, but I need to speak with Jamie... Where is she?
Mr. Palamino: She's gone off with Mr. Lee.
Clark: The drycleaner?
Mr. Palamino: No, Dusty, you jackass! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Jamie Palamino: Is this all because I didn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself.
Chris: After being the biggest tease for so long. Trust me, I am so over myself. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris' Mom: [Starts dialing while Chris is on the phone] Joyce?... Joyce?
Chris: No, Mom, I'm on the phone.
Chris' Mom: What are you doing at Joyce's house?
Chris: Mom, I'm in the Living Room, ten feet away from you...
Chris' Mom: Well, while I have you on the phone dear... what would you like for dinner? (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Clark: Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood; you date models. He's Jersey; he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman... it's Dusty Dinkleman.
Chris: Dinkleman.
Clark: Dinkleman.
Chris: Dinkleman.
Clark: Dinkleman's going down!
Chris: Dinkleman is going way down! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Samantha James: But I'm not ready for a gig.
Chris: Of course you are.
Samantha James: No... no. No! This is a bad idea Chris!
Chris: God I am so stupid!
Samantha James: No you aren't baby.
Chris: Here I am trying to make you into an artist when you're just a pop bubblegum sensation. But that's okay. Paris, here we come.
Samantha James: But I am an artist... I am an artist... Hey! I am an artist!
Chris: Good. You ready to do this?
Samantha James: I was born ready bitch. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Clark: We're married!
Chris: Married?
Samantha James: MARRIED!
Darla: We have a son, his name is TJ!
Samantha James: TJ! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Samantha James: [hiding under huge earmuffs ,saying hi... hi... hi... hi... ] Chris, let's get it to go people are staring at me.
[Not one person in the restaurant is looking at her] (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
| Samantha James: Wait a minute, am I being Punk'D? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton? (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
| Samantha James: You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Rhonda: Here we go! One grilled cheese with ranch on the side. And one sugar mountain supreme for the chubby bunny!
[Rhonda makes noises imitating a bunny]
Chris: Excuse me. Umm, this isn't gonna work for me.
Rhonda: But this is what you always order.
Chris: Yeah! Ten years ago when I was a whale!
Jamie Palamino: The pancakes are fine. He's just kidding.
Chris: [to Jaime] What?
[Rhonda walks away from the table]
Jamie Palamino: Be more rude!
Chris: She's rude! She's rude! I haven't had sweets for ten years, ok? You know what this would do to my stomach?
Jamie Palamino: Relax little girl. I'll have the pancakes, and you can have my sandwich, ok?
Chris: I'll just enjoy this glass of water.
[Chris takes a small sip of water and swallows audibly]
Chris: I'm stuffed! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Jamie Palamino: [while laying in bed] What are you thinking about?
Chris: Bush... you know, the whole first family really. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Samantha James: Let's go Chris, there's pee on the floor.
[Samantha looks at Jamie and hisses at her] (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Mike: Yeah I slapped the ham to it about an hour ago.
Chris' Mom: What ham did you slap hunny? I hope it wasn't the one I just bought. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Samantha James: I love it that you're taking me home to meet your mom. Was this one of your clever little plans?
Chris: Yes. I planned you setting the plane on fire. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris: Y'see, when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become a complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like a brother... or a lamp.
Ray: I don't want to be a lamp... (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris: [Chris changes his mind about leaving New Jersey and grabs the wheel and runs the car into midair and back onto the highway]
Clark: This is a PONTIAC GRAND PRIX! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
| Clark: [Chris and Clark are discussing how Chris didn't have sex with Jamie the night before] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what? (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
| Samantha James: [singing on her guitar] Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine. And have make-up sex until the end of time, time, time, time, timmmmmmeee! Time. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Samantha James: [on voicemail] Hey Chris, it's Samantha. I talked to my sponsor and I owe you an apology.
Samantha James: [phone beeps] It's Samantha. Call me!
Samantha James: [phone beeps] It's Samantha!
Chris' Mom: [phone beeps] Hello Joyce? Joyce? (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris: So, how's the love life?
Jamie Palamino: Lame. Marty and I broke up a year ago.
Chris: Another jerk, huh?
Jamie Palamino: [innocent mocking] Another jerk, huh?
Chris: I'm just saying... you dated a lot of jerks in high school.
Jamie Palamino: So what about you? You in love with anyone besides yourself? (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Bouncer: [throws a drunk Chris out of the bar] And stay out!
[to himself]
Bouncer: Always wanted to say that. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris' Mom: If you want to impress Jamie, you should just be yourself.
[Starts singing]
Chris' Mom: Be yourseelf, Be yourseeelf, Be yourseeelf.
[walks away]
Chris: I don't want to be myself. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
| Chris: [writing in her yearbook] Dear Jamie, When we're together, I feel like we're not in high school, but in our own little Chris and Jamie world. Whether we're watching 'Party of Five' or practicing our cheers, I feel like I can just be myself. Jamie, we've been friends for a really long time, but I want to be more than that. Hoping to be your boyfriend... Sincerely, Chris Brander. BFF! (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Chris: What about Sheila? You making any headway?
Ray: We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today.
Chris: Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't - don't do that. Okay? Don't do lunch.
Ray: Why?
Chris: That's like the express lane to the friend zone.
Ray: What the hell's the friend zone?
Chris: See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.
Ray: I don't want to be a lamp.
Chris: Yea well then don't be her friend, okay? Take that guy for example...
[points to a clumsy guy and a gorgeous girl skating together]
Ray: You mean that couple?
Chris: No, I mean the guy that *wishes* they were a couple.
Ray: What is your point?
Chris: My point is - Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. Move your day date to tonight. Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. 'Cause friends don't kiss. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Ray: Where did you come up with this theory?
[referring to the 'Friend Zone' theory]
Chris: Some chick in highschool f-ed me up bad. (Movie: Just Friends [2005]) | |
Sarah: Tom, Tom, calm down your acting crazy.
Tom: O.K, sorry, maybe it's just the fact I just got hit in the head with a ten pound ashtray. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: [weilding a fire poker] Hello Peter! So happy you could join us!
Sarah: Tom what are you doing?
Tom: I was thinking, that it's time for Peter and I to TANGO!
[smashes vase with poker]
Peter: He's crazy! See you have no furture with this guy.
Sarah: Peter, shut up. Tom you're acting like a crazy person.
Tom: Oh yeah? Well, maybe that's cause I just got hit in the head with a ten-pound ashtray !
[shrugs shoulders]
Peter: I'm warning you Leizak
[strikes a kung fu stance]
Peter: I studied karate with a Grand Master.
Tom: Yeah? Well I sure hope he showed ya how to pull a fire poker outta your ass! (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Peter: I'm not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese masters.
Tom: Well, I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
[Outside bathroom]
Stewardess: Please, the seats lights are on. Please return to your seats.
[Inside bathroom]
Sarah: BEAT IT STEW. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
| Tom: Look, Yuan, Willie, whoever else is listening. You don't want me to be with Sarah and I can't change that. I don't know where we're gonna be in 10, 20, 40 years. I don't know who we're gonna be. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to give her all of this. There are a million things that I don't know. But there's one thing that I do. And that's that I love Sarah. And I am going to love her day in and day out for the rest of my life. Now, will you please... please... open the gate so I can tell that to my wife. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Mr. Leezak: Gonna tell me what your chewin' on?
Tom: I just don't know if love is enough anymore.
Mr. Leezak: What do you mean, "enough"?
Tom: I mean... Even if Sarah and I do love each other... maybe we did need more time to get to know each other.
Mr. Leezak: So...
[clears throat]
Mr. Leezak: what your saying here is... you had a couple of bad days in Europe and... it's over. Time to grow up, Tommy.
Tom: Hmm?
Mr. Leezak: Some days your mother and me loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next. I'm sorry your honeymoon stunk but that's what you got dealt. Now you gotta work through it. Sarah doesn't need a guy with a fat wallet to make her happy. I saw how you love this girl. How you two lit each other up. She doesn't need anymore security than that.
Tom: Thanks, dad. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
| Mr. Leezak: You never see the hard days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get you from one happy snap shot to the next. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Sarah: Is that a Thunderstick A-200o
Tom: When did you become an expert?
Sarah: I told you about that night in college.
Tom: But you never told me about the hardware.
Sarah: Getting a visual
Tom: We gotta charge this thing
Sarah: That plug won't fit in European outlet.
Tom: I'll make it fit.
Sarah: Don't force it. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
[after being shocked while trying to charge the battery in an adult toy]
Tom: Good thing that didn't happen while we were using it. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: Okay, whatever. Listen, you get guests here from all over the world, it's up to you to have some American on your signs.
Sarah: He means English. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: Hey, we're in this together.
Sarah: Do you have four guys staring at your boobies right now? No. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Sarah: Tom, have you ever not told me something cause you were afraid of how I would react? Like have you ever not told me the truth about anything?
Tom: Like when I told you I liked your brother?
Sarah: This is serious Tom.
Tom: I am serious, I really don't like him. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Mr. McNerney: Listen, Leezak. I don't expect a "cracker" like you to be considerably a good match for my daughter, but I'll tell you what I do expect: I expect you pay me back in full as soon as that silly-ass radio show yields any kind of personal income. Goodbye, cracker!
[hangs up the phone]
Tom: Assbag! (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: Maybe we should just have sex.
Sarah: Call me crazy, but I'm not in the mood to make love to you. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Sarah: [crying on wedding night] Tomorrow my parents are going to know I'm not a virgin anymore!
Tom: You haven't been a virgin since college.
Sarah: Yeah, but tomorrow they're going to know for sure. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: So, everyone thinks we're crazy for doing this, huh?
Sarah: Since when do we care what people think. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: So basically, you're asking me if I would rather be married to Sarah or have 51 one night stands.
Kyle: Minimum.
Tom: I don't even have to think about it.
Kyle: Ok, is there a girl you wished you'd hooked up with, but didn't?
Tom: You are like the worst best man ever! (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: We haven't had sex once since we got married! And I'm-
[Sarah starts laughing]
Tom: -why are you laughing? I'm concerned! (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Tom: I specifically asked for a compact.
Sarah: This is a European compact.
Tom: No, this is a Ringling Brothers compact! I don't understand it. I loooked at the brochure and it had a Fiesta on the cover, not a Bingo!
Sarah: Baby, just floor it.
Tom: I *am* flooring it! If I pushed any harder, my foot would blow through the floor and we would be Flintstone-ing our asses there! (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Kyle: We are not leaving until Sarah herself confirms that she is shit-canning Tom!
[looks at Tom]
Kyle: Or not. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Kyle: I hope she doesn't spook on you, man.
Tom: What are you talking about?
Kyle: Oh, I love Sarah, don't get me wrong, but... rich chicks spook. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Kyle: Rich daddy equals expectations. Expectations are like a fungal rot on a marriage.
Tom: Our marriage is not going to have a 'fungal rot'.
Kyle: Unless she finds out you slaughtered her dog!
[laughs, then stops, seeing Tom's expression]
Kyle: Oh, don't worry, I'll take that to my grave. (Movie: Just Married [2003]) | |
Jake Hardin: [sees Ashley put in one side of the light bulb] Oh see. She should've turned the light off because now she's going to be...
Ashley Albright: [light sparks] AAAAAAAAAA!
Jake Hardin: ...electrocuted. (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
[Dougie is playing his base and a string breaks and hit Danny in the eye]
Danny Jones: Ow my eye!
Dougie Poynter: My A string! (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Jake Hardin: You're firing me? You don't even pay me.
Harry Judd: Look, Jake, you're good, I mean, you did find us. But it's just...
Jake Hardin: But? What's the but?
Tom Fletcher: But we just think it's time to go home
Jake Hardin: No! You can't go back home. We're this close
Tom Fletcher: We haven't had any lucky breaks here and...
Danny Jones: Yea, poor Doug misses his mum
McFly: Yea
Danny Jones: He does, he cries every night
Danny Jones: [Dougie punches Danny] Ah
Jake Hardin: One week. How's that? one week. You give me one week, and if I can't make it happen for you guys by then, then I get it. We're done. You can go back home. No hard feelings. One week.
Tom Fletcher: Ok. One week
Jake Hardin: One week
Tom Fletcher: One week
Jake Hardin: All right, get some rest guys
Danny Jones: Your mum's going to have to wait one more week Doug! hahaa
Jake Hardin: One week. (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Ashley Albright: Dana, how's my 'scope?
Dana: Leo, Leo... *tuts* Your moon is in Uranus.
Dana: Ooo.
Ashley Albright: Doesn't sound pretty. (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Ashley Albright: Jake is the guy I kissed at the masquerade bash.
Dana: No!
Ashley Albright: Yes.
Dana: No!
Ashley Albright: Yes! (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Ashley Albright: Please tell her that I'm not lucky.
Maggie: You were voted prom queen at Franklin High.
Ashley Albright: So?
Maggie: We went to Jefferson! (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Jake Hardin: [knocks wall] OK, look, I know you guys are nervous, that's fine just...
Dougie Poynter: Hold that thought...
[grabs bucket, throws up]
Tom Fletcher: Good idea
[grabs bin, throws up]
Danny Jones: wow
Jake Hardin: ...air freshener... (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Jake Hardin: So - how's the new job working out?
Ashley Albright: Well, I can't complain.
Jake Hardin: That's good.
Ashley Albright: No, I mean I'm literally not allowed to complain. I had to sign something. (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
| Ashley Albright: Ever since this masquerade bash, it's like I'm the Anti-Midas, and everything I touch turns to crap. (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
[Ashley's cab driver is zooming through traffic this morning]
Cab Driver: Wow, that's like five greens in a row. The force is strong this morning.
[the cab driver taps his Darth Vader bobble-head for good luck] (Movie: Just My Luck [2006]) | |
Count Thibault: He belongs to me. I decide his fate.
André le Pate: No maste |
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